@ShawnPuffy
Happy Sunday. I’m your boy Shawn Puff and this is [insert Rock voice] Flashback Sun…day. It’s been a rough few weeks, traveling back to some horrible shows. Evander Holyfield vs Matt Hardy in a boxing match, bikers yelling racial slurs at Harlem Heat in Sturgis, and Al Snow main-eventing a pay per view are just a few examples to point out some of the horrendousness.
Hopefully, this week is better.
It should be noted that I scoured the internet looking for a show that isn’t going to leave me as horribly disappointed in the “good ole days” as past shows have. I think I might have found one. Nevertheless, let’s cross our fingers before we fire the Wayback Machine up once again.
First, we’re setting the date on this thing to January 19, 1992. Second, we set the destination for Knickerbocker Arena in Albany, New York. That’s right, we’re heading to the 1992 Royal Rumble!! Everyone loves the Royal Rumble. I didn’t know that you got many nostalgia acts or surprise entrants back in 1992 and that’s the most fun of the Rumble. However, this year, it’s for the biggest prize of them all, the WWF Championship…
The Orient Express w/ Mr. Fuji v The New Foundation –
First and foremost, I want to start by pointing out that Kato wasn’t even Asian. Seriously. He was Croatian. Throw a mask on a guy and he can be anything you want him to be, I guess. On a side note, who was in charge of the New Foundation’s wardrobe? Holy horribleness. This wasn’t the worst match, actually. After all, Owen Hart can make anyone look good.
There was a ridiculously ugly spot, at the end, where Jim Neidhart knocked Kato off the apron with a shoulder or something. Be that as it may, Owen followed it up with a beautiful assisted dive through the middle ropes onto Kato. Then, Owen climbed to the top for the Rocket Launcher and the 1-2-3 for the win. – 3/5
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: Rowdy Roddy Piper v The Mountie (c) w/ Jimmy Hart – After a loooooong package describing how the Mountie beat Bret Hart two nights ago in Springfield, we finally get to this match. The Mountie says he’s going to take Piper’s integrity. Conversely, Piper says he has no integrity. This was two years after he painted himself half black to fight Bad News Brown, as a matter of fact, so I’m obliged to agree with him.
What a quick match this was and what a transitional champion the Mountie was here. A sleeper and that was it. Did you know: this was Piper’s first championship in the WWF. Wild. – 2/5
Next up, we get Lord Alfred Hayes in the back with Hulk Hogan talking about how he was going to win the Royal Rumble and get back his WWF Championship. Guess we had to get some Hogan TV time. Then, Mean Gene was with the Bushwhackers for the purpose of introducing Jamison as their manager. I have only one question. Why?
The Beverly Brothers w/ the Genius v The Bushwhackers w/ Jamison – Why is Jamison even a thing? Seriously. Why? He wasn’t a wrestler or an actual manager. Basically, he was pointless, useless, and nothing short of annoying. What a sloppy match. In any event, has anyone questioned why the Genius is wearing a graduation cap and gown? I don’t know many geniuses, besides myself, but I’m pretty sure, for the most part, they don’t wear graduation cap and gowns on a regular basis.
All in all, this will probably go down in history as one of the worst matches ever. Ultimately, this ended with the bad guys getting the edge with the illegal man and earning the pinfall. Who booked this shit to begin with and why weren’t they fired as a result? – Dud
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: The Natural Disasters w/ Jimmy Hart vs Legion of Doom (c) – In general, the Natural Disasters certainly made the LOD look small. Holy shit. Earthquake was 29 here. At the same time, he looked 49. How do you have a fully receded hairline at 29?? These two guys were just too big to work too long. Subsequently, this one is really quick and ends in a count-out victory for the Natural Disasters. Of course, the titles can’t change hands on a count-out, so the Legion of Doom remain champions.
After the match, the LOD chased Typhoon and Earthquake away with steel chairs. So a squash fuck finish to preserve the champions and not make the Disasters look bad. This was a disaster. As a matter of fact, I don’t even understand why they even had this match. Whatever. – 1/5
Next up, Sean Mooney is backstage interviewing Shawn Michaels about his chances in the Rumble and him superkicking Marty Jannetty and Jannetty DIVING through the barbershop window to get away, just days ago. HBK tells Mooney that, consequently, he saved Jannetty from 29 beatings and that there’s no doubt he’ll be walking out with the WWF Championship. Thankfully, they showed it so we could all see it again and I, in turn, left it here for your viewing pleasure.
I particularly fucking LOVE the old school Royal Rumble promos leading up to the match. Notably, we see Hogan (again), Flair, Repoman, Undertaker, Randy Savage, Jake Roberts, and a bunch more. Hopefully, this ends up being better than the rest of the show.
The Fink went over the rules to the Rumble and explained it for whoever has been living under a rock and, therefore, never seen one. I wonder if they’re going to use real-time or WWF time for entrants. Finally, Jack Tunney came out and announced that the winner would be crowned WWF Champion.
The British Bulldog drew number one. Ted Dibiase drew number two. Before the two minutes were up, Dibiase was unceremoniously tossed over the top. Ric Flair was the third entrant, much to Heenan’s dismay. I’m not gonna give you a play-by-play of the entire thing so I hope you’re not expecting one. Watch the damn match yourself. Flair would go on to give one of the greatest Royal Rumble performances of all time, in case you’re wondering.
The Bulldog would eliminate Jerry Sags and Haku before a newly heel Shawn Michaels entered the fray and slowed the elimination process down. Soon after, Kerry Von Erich would enter and have a nice little showing, taking on Flair & Michaels with a flurry of offense. On another side note, was the Repoman not one of the stupidest gimmicks of this era? What the fuck.
The Barbarian, the Big Bossman, and a few others enter the match and there’s a good battle between everyone that eventually sees them all going over the top and being eliminated except Ric Flair. Roddy Piper would be the next entrant and these two would have two minutes to go at it before Jake the Snake would enter. I have a question. Why does Jim Duggan bring his 2×4 to the ring for a match like this? Pretty pointless. Flair has now gone 28 minutes or something like that. Was IRS not just a way to get cheap heat? Everybody hates the taxman, right? Just a thought.
Whenever the Undertaker entered the Royal Rumble I just assumed a bunch of people would be eliminated quickly. Yup. Snuka was tossed in about seven seconds. Ok. So maybe just Snuka. Whatever. Bobby Heenan is having a conniption fit because Flair is still fighting in this thing instead of trying to win this thing the cheap way. Undertaker tried to toss him over the top and Monsoon tells us that Flair is at 47 minutes. Colonel Mustafa entered the Rumble and I immediately asked, “Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to repackage the Iron Sheik like this as if we didn’t all know who the fuck he was??”
Bushwhacker Luke holds the record for the shortest time in the Rumble at this point with 4.8 seconds. Just a point that was mentioned as Rick Martel tried to toss Flair out to keep him from breaking the record that Martel set previously in the Rumble. HERE COMES HULK HOGAN!!!! The ENTIRE building marked out like bitches. Seriously. Hogan always got a wild pop. Hogan eliminated Taker and then the Berzerker. I don’t even know what number we’re at, but Skinner is the next entrant. You always need a scrub after a big pop I guess.
Ric Flair has now, officially, broken the record for the longest time in the Royal Rumble. Sgt Slaughter and Sid Justice have entered into this thing. By the way, who thought it was a good idea to change Sid’s name to Justice and make him a face? He was going to be the replacement for Hogan after Luger flopped? Bad idea by bad creative. The Warlord is participant number 30 and we’re down to the final group of combatants. One of these guys is winning the Rumble.
The final four are Randy Savage, Sid, Flair & Hogan. Savage was eliminated quickly by Sid and we’re down to three. While Hogan was trying to eliminate Flair, Sid tossed Hogan out. Hogan, being the poor sport Hogan always has been, got angry and pulled Sid’s arm for some unknown, selfish reason. I mean, Sid followed the rules. Hogan is just a cry baby.
Anyway, Flair took advantage and tossed Sid over with Hogan’s help. Good job Hogan. This would lead to Hogan vs Sid at Mania and Flair has his moment, the biggest moment in Royal Rumble history. Watch this match. From number 3 to winning the entire thing, setting the record for the longest time in a Rumble AND winning the WWF Championship. Flair proved he was the man on this night. – 4/5
In conclusion, that was quite possibly the best Rumble ever even though the rest of the show was ‘meh’. I could have pretty much done without the entirety of the show outside of the Rumble itself. Comparatively, if they just made the whole show the Rumble and made it 50 men for the title, the show would have been amazing. But I might just be being a dick at this point.
Either way, the rest of the show brought this one down. WAY down. However, I don’t think that’s fair because of how much of the show was the Rumble. SOOO, here’s what I did. I counted the Rumble as its own half and the rest of the show as its own half and did my scoring average overall off of two halves. Otherwise, it just wouldn’t be fair to Flair.
Overall = 2.75/5 Bibles
-Shawn Puff