We’d like to welcome you all back for yet another edition of First Church of Fantasy, where the Mad Monk and yours truly talk pigskin shenanigans, surprises, and upsets. The most upsetting moment of the week had to be the Sunday Night heartbreaker that was supposed to feature the very best of the NFC West, the visiting San Francisco 49ers against the homer Seahawks. And, of course, there’s no more suitable guest to talk Week 2 smack and preview Week 3 than our resident Seattle StuporSonic, Jason Sacks.
“The Monsignor” Travis Moody: Welcome to GHG, Jason! After several months of brainstorming, this is your first contribution to God Hates Geeks. But, as someone who runs a popular geek culture website, it’s understood that you’ve got more than enough work cut out for you over at Comics Bulletin. Feel free to let the congregation in on a little bit of our history, as well as why you’re having what can only be assumed as an outstanding morning over in the Emerald City…
“Pope” Jason Sacks: Ah, so this is how things are on the bright side, where people are nice and the page hits are too numerous to count? It looks nice around here, maybe I’ll visit again sometime to talk something even more important than Fantasy. But yeah, as you mentioned, Monsignor, it’s a good day for us here in Rain City, what with the Seahawks utter dominance of the hapless and hopeless 49ers and my razor-thin victory in the GHG Fantasy League, not to mention a great victory by the Washington Huskies (now no. 17 in the country) and the best coffee, beer and comic books in the country. Not that I’m boring in my local patriotism or something.
I knew Travis when he was still a broke-ass Boston Boy, eating Dunkin Donuts, rooting for the Sawx and reading and writing about comics for my website. Trav was always a star among my reviewers, but somehow I never realized he’d use me to become a bigtime success in Hollywood – the next reality TV star on the way to becoming the next Tom Cruise without all the crazy Scientology bullshit. Nor did I realize that he’d become ordained in the secular religion of Geekology and lead an awesomely thriving site that’s on its way to becoming the default geek gathering place online. But let’s talk about the important stuff, like who is the better fantasy stud this year, Rodgers or Peyton, can Alex Smith become a fantasy stud under Andy Reid, and who’s the killer sleeper I need to pick up in order to dominate the league?
“Mad Monk” Billy Mau: Peyton all day. I’ll still start him two years after he retires because he scores so many points that there are going to be points from the past no one even knew about rolling in for a while. It’s like being rich and living off the interest. Smith can be a serviceable fantasy QB. He’s got a lot of talent around him and Reid uses the short passing game as a run game; Smith has always been consistent in his career. Early on he was consistently bad. The past few years, he’s been consistently reliable. He’ll likely never be higher than a 6th round pick , but he’ll be the kind of QB you count on if you front load your draft with RBs and WRs. As for the Niners and Seahawks, Kap was exactly what I was warning everyone about in Week 1. He’s not unshakable and Seattle may well have laid the blueprint. I’m stuck with him at QB on my team, so that’s not great; but I’m also not taking this season as serious as I have in the past. I was actually trying to quit, but Moody showed up at the intervention and wrecked all that with his comedically ill-planned league.
Moody: Why thank you gentleman! I can just feel the love already. Kap is youthful, so he’s going to have his ups-and-downs.. as many as RG3, Cam Newton or any other young-and-running “stud.” Thankfully, Rodgers showcased why I took a QB with my 1st round pick, and my soon thereafter 2nd choice, Calvin Johnson, lived up to his nickname by devastating the Cardinals — even up against stud corner Patrick Patterson (116 Rec Yds, 2 TD’s). Mr. Sacks, I’m flattered with all the wondrous bullshit in your intro (haha), but more seriously, it really means a lot to GHG and particularly myself to have you along. There’s a reason why you’re the Pope. On the field, Rodgers and Peyton are a basic wash, and I’ll agree with the Mad Monk that Smith isn’t quite a stud per se, but definitely a reliable starter if you have plenty of other great options. I like the way your Russell Wilson looks though, like he’s trying to make a big play on every snap. Why the hell not?
Sacks: First of all, if you call me Mister, I’ll unfriend you – no matter how happy I am that you share my love for both Wilson and The Incomparable Megatron (sounds like a new Transformers spin-off comic!) who got me 30 points in my other league – which has a very different scoring system than ours does, obviously. I’ve been wondering if we’re already starting to see some separation between Wilson and the other young QBs. We already know that big calm Russ has a calmer attitude than RG3 or Newton. Ain’t nothing like calmness under pressure, and Newton scares me with his dog of a game against the Buffalo freaking Bills. And now people are seriously talking about benching RG3, despite the fact that he’s thrown over 300 yards in each of the first two games? Talk about being on top one year and on the bottom the next!
Billy: 17 players clocked in with better than 20 points this week. That’s not a bad number at all. Some real weird ones too: Phillip Rivers, Eddie Royal, Knowshon Moreno, Sam Bradford, and Free Agents in our league, the aforementioned Smith and James Stark. Of those two I’d say pick up Smith, but Stark is a fluke…although Moody will probably get him because Eddie Lacy got knocked the F out like the dude in Friday. Any surprises (good or bad) in you guys’ minds?
Moody: Not that I’m surprised or anything, but it’s only Week 2 and it’s that time of the season already where you “hope” guys are hurt, so your younger studs can get it in. It was only a matter of time when my T.Y. Hilton was going to get his (124 Rec Yds) and back-up DeAndre “Hawkins” Hopkins was, too (183, 1 TD). Now, with Roddy White stalled at playing the whole starting-to-keep-the-streak shit going on, Hopkins appears a no-brainer at my WR3. But, again, those two guys played well pending injuries, and that scares me. Our guest from last week, Guy Padre, played against me this week and has a 3-headed monster problem at QB. He basically has to wait for Newton to have a huge game to sell high. I think you may have had the finer surprises with both Moreno and DeSean Jackson.
Sacks: Speaking of Philly and running QBs, look at the numbers that Vick is putting up for Derek’s Disciples. A good experienced running QB is the perfect fit for Chip Kelly’s super-speed offense. It’s no surprise that DeSean is killing it under Kelly. Looks like we play each other next week, Moody. Are you worried that the Hawks exposed Frank Gore on Sunday or do you expect a bounce-back against an unheralded Indy D? Sweating about Brent Celek’s goose-egg last week? As for me, I’m stuck with a few debates. Will Darren McFadden repeat his amazing performance against a Bronco D that will be much stronger than the Jags’? Is Tony Gonzalez done? Is Lamar Miller as mediocre as he looks so far? Am I obsessing too much about my fantasy team? We all know the answer to that last question, at least.
Moody: Just my luck, Mist… Pope Sacks. Looks like you’ve got Wilson facing the Jaguars!!! Roar!!! And, you’ve also got Foster facing my one and only “2 points for” Gore, since Lacy is out perhaps ’til Week 5. Great. And, don’t overreact to Tony G. He had 8 targets against some pretty good linebackers over in St. Louis. He’ll see better days. By chance, are you getting your Fantasy info from the wrong site? God Hates Losers?
Billy: GHL: are you kidding me? Much like I said last week, RG3 is still in preseason form, plus we’re seeing that he’s not confident on that leg. He’s putting up stats, but only after the team is out of the game. That’s why there are grumblings of benching him. That’s the fantasy/reality disconnect. It really looks like all of the hot running QBs from last year are taking a hit (no pun intended). Vick is off to a decent start, but it’s just a matter of time before he gets hurt. The guy has a history. Speaking of guys with a history, how about Danny Amendola? I have him on my team (also had Vereen, am I a Pat killer or what?). The dude is a walking calamity. He could go down in history as the most fragile man to ever play professional football. Hell, I bet even one of those Make-A-Wish kids (that they trot out to make us feel like we’re doing nothing with our lives) could make it through at least one game.
Moody: And they call me “Moody!” The Patriots have dealt with significant injuries for several years and have worked through it all to go deep into the playoffs; but the last time we had guys who couldn’t catch the ball consistently (Vincent Brisby and Shawn Jefferson), New England couldn’t get over the hump. It’s a shame that both of these new kids are getting open — burning corners, even — yet are showing harder hands than Braylon Edwards. Billy, feel free to “kill” Sudfeld if you’d like, or any of my tight-ends not named Rob Gronkowski. I need this MAN back quickly, and now!!
Billy: Other than Tom Brady, it’s been a near zero for your heroes thus far. Even worse, I’m about ready to stick a fork in any Pittsburgh offensive player. Last night, the defense looked decent, especially with Polumalu back in good form, but I’m not even sure I trust that. On the flipside, Andy Daltonis moving up my QB list (he’s my backup and had a far better week than Kap, my starter). I’m not sure if I’m ready to start him just yet, but he was doing a great job of moving the ball.
Moody: Last year, I had Dalton last year backing up Brady, and there were a few weeks here and there where he outplayed my homie. As long as A.J. Green is there catching balls, Dalton is a fantasy starter. I have Big Ben as my back-up for Rodgers, and so long as the Steelers can’t run the ball (so strange saying that!), he’ll be a worthy QB2, chucking balls to kingdom come. If you’ve got McFadden, you sell high now. The only valuable guy on the “Raiduhs” is S-Bas — and I got ’em. And, hey, it’s finally now time to relax about waiver wire guys; neither Edelman, Winslow, or Bell did anything worth getting exciting over. Yet, we’re all clinging to our keyboards every Wednesday morning in anticipation of just who we picked up. It just looks like the NFL this year is going to be the “season of inconsistency” and nothing will ever stay the same week in and week out — and seeing 8 of our 12 fantasy teams play .500 ball certainly reflects that.
Billy: Yeah, everyone stinks. I laugh every time I see Zach Sudfield’s name. Dude made one highlight catch in the preseason and all of Patriot Nation suddenly had awkward 6th-grade math class boners for the guy. Fine by me, I’m far from a Pats fan. If you have him, you need to trade him right now if you can find a taker. Even with Gronk back, I think the shine is off that team right now. They are the least impressive of the 2-0 teams so far. If you’re only scraping by with field goal wins against Buffalo and the Jets, you’re in nothing but trouble. They have one more cupcake game against the actively imploding Bucs, then shit get real. Really real, as in, for reals real. Brady’s fantasy stock is going to take a Hindenberg turn once week 4 hits. They have a three game span of Atlanta, Cincy and New Orleans that could render Brady a 10-point QB with the way his receivers are scared of the ball. As for Big Ben, ditch him. The way his line is blocking, he’ll be banged up by week 6 and be pretty useless. Smith is a better backup option. I also agree about McFadden. Sell now before he breaks himself, and you know he will.
Sacks: I’d be heartbroken, just heartbroken if the goddamn Pats missed the playoffs this year – the same way that I laughed and laughed when the Yankees shit all over themselves in the baseball playoffs last year. With the Steelers looking weak and the Ravens just not the same team that won it all last year – and our concerns about Cap and RGIII – well, is it too early to think about a new group of playoff teams this year? The Falcons are flying high, the Broncos are looking like the second coming of Peyton and my Hawks are looking awesome, but who’s going to be joining them in January? All we know for sure at this point is that it sure ain’t going to be the J-E-T-S (Stink! Stink! Stink!). Go Hawks!
Moody: You may have won the Battle in Seattle, or should I just call it The Revenge of the *Amber Alert* (inside Comic-Con joke, kids), but there’s plenty to go in this wacky wild season of the National Football League. When was the last time we had 11 of the 16 games decided by a TD or less, 6 of the 16 games decided by a field goal or less, and only 3 of the 16 games with a wider margin than 10 points? Parity, my friends. Before we go, I’d like to thank the Pope of all things comics, Jason Sacks, for joining us on the discussion today (see you Sunday, pal), and the congregation can bet house money we’ll have more special guests as the season moves on!
- The Mad Monk’s Fantasy Pick Em’s of the Week: I’m still a morose 2-10 on the season, but who cares? This is where we improve through even more poor and obscure references in my predictions. The StuporSonics will not be letting the Batflecks play in their Reindeer Games, Hong Kong Cavs will be a fantasy football paraquat to Snootchie Bootchies, Derek’s Disciples‘ prayers will be answered as the Puckish Rogues continue to start free agent Lavelle Hawkins, IheartJAG will steadily mob the Steady Mobbers, Gryffindor Patronus will down Lannister’s Lefties, proving that kids and owls somehow are better than boobs and dragons (wait, that can’t be right), and finally, Off A Hobo will get On A Roll as they show the Greyskull Meatheads the Man-E-Faces of defeat. Week 2/Season thus far: 2-4/2-10.
- Moody’s NFL Week 3 Pick Em’s: My Eagles don’t lose 2 in a row at home, beating the Chiefs (Alex Smith is bound to frack up, no?), Texans beat on a beaten Ravens in Baltimore, Killa Cam finally murders with some end zone runs over the G-Men, Stafford outplays the ailing RG3 with the Lions chewing some Redskins, Chargers do it again, winning on the road in Tennessee, Saints over the Cards, Patsies over the Bucs in the most boring 3-hours of football you’ll watch all season since the Jets/Pats game last week (I see a trend), Pack beat the Bengals in a shootout, Rams upset the Cowgirls and the bench Tony Romo calls hit a new high, Vikings beat the Browns in the Toilet Bowl, Matty and the Falcons Ice the Phins in South Beach, the Jets and Bills end up in a 3-3 tie, naturally, 49ers have some Luck on their side, defeating the Colts, Hawks avoid a letdown over the Jags, my upset special of the week sees the Steelers beating the Bears on Sunday Night (not much of a reach, I feel you), and MNF sees Peyton snatch some booty away from the visiting Oakland football team. Week 2/Season thus far 8-8/20-12.