Ladies and gentleman, We’ve barely done a thing at The Con thus far — but I could go home now and say it’s been a winner. You see, San Diego Comic Con 2012 is akin to obtaining your first learner’s permit: you just have to remember to use the turn signal.
Once you’ve been to the not-so-surreptitious San Diego spotlight of sinners, you’ll find shooting through the hordes of the horrible to be a cinch. Well, just wait until Big Movie Saturday’s Hall H of Hell.
Right now, the only thing this priest wanted to do on Day 1 was make up for E3. The stuff we missed. And, the absolute worst moment of our wonderful Electronic Entertainment Expo experience was skipping on South Park: The Stick of Truth.
This morning’s closed-room demo displayed Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s fully customizable world of fuckery. Your ass-inine avatar can heal with Cheesy Puffs and Revive Tacos; spew emotive twilighters with the most hilarious RPG weapon animation ever — Dragon Breath; chuck some Fucking Ninja Stars at “Asshole” neighborhood Elves; and get locked out of your pathetic parents crib while they play “house” to their monthly Lifetime movie marathon — which only leads you to discover Cartman’s moms’ Vibroblade. The environments are just as insane, as the Rock of Insanity will force players to endure a Star Trekesque hypnosis and awkward flashcut silence of.. well.. insanity?
It’s those humorous nuances that seperate this game from all previous RPGs. And he animations are so terrifyingly close to the cartoon, even your fluffed-up roomie strolling by your LCD will mistake this Stick for the animated sitcom itself.
But, douchebags, look. The fight sequences are where the RPG gets real slinky in South Park. Taking said Moody plunger (see caption pic above) and toasting it with Gramma’s ectoplasmic soup was obviously a call of duty. Then, leave it up to Mr. Slave to lend a good butt-lending mid-battle (you take turns dancing with other morons and the options are endless).
All the “Wrecked ‘Em” brilliance of South Park: The Stick of Truth can be purchased on PS3, 360, and PC this Cinco de Marcho…
Uhhh… I swear, it’s not what you think.
This Lara Croft has had a tougher road than Pitt’s ol’ lady’s Rotten Tomatoes score — and Square Enix’s new reimaginging of Tomb Raider snatches the classic control of Playstation’s 1996 disc, alongside the cinemic sequences and various ability-bumps of the new generation consoles. This Deer Hunt will also make even the most Bass Pro Shop-hoarding, venizon-devouring redneck jealous. Yet, the more human players involved in Croft’s world (asexually at this point — our Sisters undoubtedly approve), the solitary feel of being beaten, bruised and stuck in the middle of bumfuck marshvegas still remains.
Hey, the game just feels good. And it feels really good to finally play a game that felt so good watching last month. Sorry, Lara, you turn our clerical collars upsideways.
So… March 5th looks like it’s just going to be a very special day to be a perv.
Follow @GodHatesGeeks and THIS for multiple orgasmic updates throughout our un-con-ventional weekend.
I want the TR demo badly…it’s cool that the games demo’d at E3 were playable there. Smart move!
Lucky duck! That game looks insane!
While we’re on the subject I, for one, reesnt havnig my country’s (Ireland’s) credibility assessed by an organisation with such a ridiculous name as “Moody’s”. It sounds like oneo f those ndependent fast food joints at motorway service stations that are hoping tourists will mistake them for a similarly named chain.