basketball Archives - GeeksHaveGame

September 10, 2019

NBA 2K20 [Tip-Off Review]: Moneyball.

Any review for the annual NBA 2K game since the perceived death of NBA Live can mostly be read as opinionated patch and roster updates than your typical full-length video game reviews, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Though EA has since released versions of Live since Visual Concepts’ court dominance, it ostensibly is the only game in town and yet is still an amazingly solid basketball game. However the weird decisions made to MyGM — and the further dive into the microtransaction game with MyTeam — may start to increase the divide people are feeling from NBA 2K20 and what 2K has stood for in the past.

“Dynast” Dana Keels
IG/Twitter @hatandwand

True. But you — and anyone else who can look over this being a “sportsball” affair — have to give to it NBA 2K for being the only sports sim that consistently tries to merge a role-playing career mode with an engaging storyline. Even if in previous iterations this wasn’t exactly a fully formed mode, it’s still the effort that counts right? This year, the MyCareer prologue, dubbed “When The Lights Are Brightest” actually has some legs underneath it. It’s arguably the shining spotlight in an otherwise healthy mode line-up…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLrtNIYcmiE

MYKE: Yup. MyGM and MyLeague continue to be robust, potentially seasons long experiences for anyone who wants to really dig deep into basketball throughout their year — and just like usual — you have the option of which franchise perspective you want to play from: the player and/or coach, GM, and fantasy fan. Two of the modes from this year are virtually identical from their 2K19 counterparts, Season and titular MyLeague mode, but as they say… if it ain’t broke, we should get the women involved too? Wait, what? That’s right. The already announced WNBA presence in the game isn’t an exhibition mode, you can dive into a whole season as your favorite WNBA teams (Sparks, baby). This experience comes with the whole package of unique commentators, WNBA specific player renders, and everything in between. You might not get their Shaq, Kenny, and Ernie, but hopefully it’s a start. Anecdotally, the WNBA games I personally played felt a little faster and more responsive too.

DANA: And to think NBA 2K20 isn’t just limited to the NBA or WNBA. You also step into the role of a college senior who very well could’ve joined the Association years ago. Shit happens, and your characters takes a stand. WTLAB does a great job at combing gameplay and cutscenes in this roughly two hour story, boasting some huge guest appearances from Idris Elba (once he didn’t get 007, I guess he got.. this?), Rosario Dawson (Night Nurse!), and Thomas Middlemitch (Silicon Valley Verizon guy!); not to mention a number of cameos from NBA stars and a pretty cool grading system that can elevate you up the draft board if you play well.

MYKE: That’s huge. The biggest change in 2K comes from what may be the nerdiest mode, though: MyGM. Truthfully a mode that I never perused before because it seemed so daunting; however, much like Fire Emblem’s resemblance to Persona hooked me into Fire Emblem, MyGM’s resemblance to Fire Emblem really got me into MyGM– yet, at a controversial cost. Now your day to day tasks as the GM of your favorite team come at a price point, an Action Point more literally. Now virtual GMs have to choose what they want to do at any given day in the season as every action, including “Chit Chatting” with players on your team, costs you an Action Point. The harder the difficulty you choose gives you more points, and some days you get 3 points instead of 1, but for the most part, on paper, you’ll seem like the laziest GM. However, this kind of focus on making decisions has actually made it easier to get into. Now your Assistant GM will provide a list of “recommended” tasks for you to complete, depending on what you’ve unlocked on your skill tree. That’s right; the NBA has gone full RPG.

DANA: There’s a bit of role-playing in MyCareer mode, too. The “More Than Just An Athlete” story touches on how superstars can make an impact on the world around them. Unfortunately, 2K and King LeBron’s SpringHill Entertainment never fully commit to this theme. But with tight writing and interesting character work, I’ll take it as a nice step in the right direction though. Following the story’s conclusion, you’re basically back into the tried-and-true MyCareer mode we’ve all come to know. That said, the virtual neighborhood is basically the same in 2K20 as it was in the previous iteration. Here is where the game is also bogged down by the microtransactions. Yeah.. you can slog through earning badges and elevating your MyPlayer. Go right head. That would literally take forever, of course, so 2K dangles that virtual currency for you. Also the load times for MyCareer are ridiculous.

MYKE: Yikes. I was lookin’ forward to MyCareer too. Should I still? As for MyGM, the RPG aspects may be fun to play, but totally knock the wind out of its ‘Sim’-like nature. The stretch of time certain tasks take range from ‘the only thing I got to do today was to have small talk with Lebron James’ to ‘Carmello Anthony and I negotiated a whole contract in the course of one sit down meeting.’ Couple that with the fact that the conversations you have with players and staff (that boost morale and trust) also are only cute the first couple of times you see them; they soon become something to just mash ‘skip’ through repeated with other players. What are the chances that Javale McGee and LeBron both love carpentry and talk about it in the same exact way? Ultimately it turns MyGM into something campy but entertaining to play, and feels very much like having to decide who Byleth should have lunch with at the monastery to increase motivation and trust before battle, except this time Ball Is Battle.

DANA: With the amount of starpower and proper Hollywood treatment this year’s MyCareer has you should definitely give it a go, Brother Myke. The bigger question isn’t the entertainment, but this: With how long it takes to earn VC (virtual currency), will players who chose to go the paying route be far and above those who chose to stick it out and grind it themselves? Sadly, I’m afraid you already know the answer.

MYKE: It doesn’t just end there, Mr. Keels. If MyGM feels like jumping the shark, then MyTeam is the shark jumping the Fonz on a motorcycle ’cause it is unadulterated Freemium chaos. While this whole card-collecting, real stakes, whale hunting mode isn’t new to the series, in light of all the flack that EA has gotten for FIFA and Battlefront for micro-transactions it is insane that 2K hoops has gone relatively under the radar. With 2K20, they’re just asking to be caught. Along with the appearance of casinos and a daily spin in The Neighborhood there is purchasable card packs and games on the whole MyTeam menu and on the supplementary MyNBA2K20 mobile app, where most people just want to scan their face. With the Legendary Edition of the game you get a few complementary packs with fairly high level, rare cards, but after that it’s all about that slow lotto grind going through packs hopefully you’ll get something usable. They really hammer home the $250,000 dollar prize that was won last season and do a good job at enticing people to really get into the mode, which is 250,000 more reasons why someone with the time and compulsion should buy into it.

DANA: BRUH.

MYKE: Haha. That’s not to say that MyTeam can’t be fun for the responsible, casual player. Card Evolutions are now an option if you get multiples of the same rare card so it’s never really a total loss. Anyone who missed out on the card pack craze happening in the indie game scene can definitely start to feel that rush in 2K, and this time you can still play the actual basketball game instead of just seeing visual representations of one with animated cards. Players also have the option of doing single-player challenges instead of having to deal with playing with whale-sharks online which can make the mode worthwhile for someone not trying to win big. Like any casual gambling endeavours in video games it can simultaneously be all encompassing or just something to try out and quit while you’re ahead.

DANA: In the end, NBA 2K20 is still worth the $60-$100 gamble though. I mean, if anyone’s touched a 2K the last few years then the gameplay will feel like coming home. The emphasis on realism sees the stamina meter draining faster, and knocking down 3’s isn’t as easy as it was in previous games. Those are the breaks. A good deal of tinkering and altering has definitely given the game an even more realistic feeling, such as being able to exploit mismatches, where you can’t cover a quick guard using a large power forward or center. It feels great. I agree with Myke’s earlier assessment of the WNBA too, as it’s a superb addition. This is the 2K you know and love/hate. If you’ve been down with the previous versions then you’ll be just as pleased with 20‘s cleaned up animations and tightened controls. 4/5 SLAM Magazines.

MYKE: Yeah, man. All things being what they are it’s fortunate that Visual Concepts still gives it their all in these games. It doesn’t always work, and the always ever encroaching need to find more revenue streams can really brick hard. But Dana isn’t tripping; the core gameplay is still solid, and is still — somehow — improving. It may not be the best, and it may be all we got, but we’re very lucky to have it. 4/5 Free Agents.

-Myke Ladiona and Dana Keels

June 5, 2018June 5, 2018

E3ODUS [E3 2018 Preview]: NBA 2K19.

NBA 2K19 (Visual Concepts/2K Sports – All Platforms – Special Ed. September 7, Reg Ed. September 11) – While it’s unknown and all the more unlikely that 2K Games/Sports will have anything playable at E3, the NBA 2K 20th Anniversary trailer has been unleashed. And who on the cover but “The King” himself, LeBron James…

Say what you will about Bron, compare him to Michael all you want– but there’s no denying this man is a legend; and, if not the G.O.A.T., then certainly the B.I.T.W. It’s nutty to think the Cavalier hasn’t been on a 2K cover in 5-years since he was lacin’ his Nike-equipped talents down in South Beach.

Of course, we don’t know a whole lot else at this point about NBA 2K19‘s actual newest features, additions and gameplay (I mean, damn.. I still have to go back and gut through both MyMoody and MyFranchise modes and hit them playoffs). But what we do know today is the following:

The NBA 2K19 20th Anniversary Edition extras are: virtual currency (VC), a special LeBron James MyTEAM card and Bron-bonuses like 25 pairs of Nikes and MyCOURT customizations.

And Cavs fans are gonna dig (unless you think he’s heading to La-La-Land once y’all get swept up!) the 20th Anniversary Edition‘s physicals: a LeBron NBA 2K19 poster, sticker sheet, and a custom wristband with LeBron’s “chosen” slogans — “Strive for Greatness,” “Driven,” and “Equality.” Etc. etc.

I’ll have more to come on 2K19 in the coming weeks. Remember: The Prelude starts August 31st.

September 21, 2017September 11, 2020

NBA 2K18 [Review]: Grand Theft Hoops.

The yearly 2K basketball sim is back, with a vengeance. I started with NBA 2K11, where you had the option to participate in the Jordan Challenge, and play out Michael Jordan’s top b-ball moments–innovative for 2012! Then, yours truly discovered the MyCareer mode and could not believe what was in front of his eyes: a damn sportsball RPG. Hell, I’ll even admit at this point, I wasn’t a big NBA fan; but by the time 2K12 rolled around, I was foot-to-toe in Houston Rockets crimson. Fast forward to NBA 2K18, and I’ve maybe sunk in 75-hours in the MyCareer mode. The lone reason…

In the last iterations you’d just grind away, game after game, earning credits to upgrade your player, texting your agent on the in-phone game, and going on the calendar setting up practice (yes Allen I; all these years we still talking about practice) and meet-ups with other players. Now? It’s so much more. Your agent wants to see you? Want to get the freshest new pair of KD or Kyries? OK. Walk your happy selves out of your loft to your agents’ office and on your way a block down to the local Foot Locker. Get faded up. All that. The Neighborhood completely engrosses you the minute you walk out onto the street, as you’re sharing an MMO world with other likeminded avatars trying to make it on that “Road to 99”. The ‘hood is not only about grinding but you can play pick-up games, show off your skills on the dunking area, go Downtown in a game nailing baskets from random spots on the court, join a Pro-Am game — be it with a team you create or as a walk-on in a 5-on-5 pick-up. The ‘hood is your grand stage, the spotlight is on you and it’s about time you showed the world what you’re all about. 4/5 Bibles. – Lauro Rojas

OK, Lauro. I see you. But I’m gonna expand on MyCareer mode with this year’s fictional created character. First off, he gets points for being nicknamed “DJ” — not only because he left college to pursue a music career and made his way back to the game, but — because DJ are my initials IRL; the ‘rents named me what they did so they could call me “DJ”. Yeah, I’m one of 4 people who get to hear their name all through this year’s career mode. Suckers.

This year’s mode isn’t as story driven as the Freq & Pres past (no girlfriend, no reporters following you since high school, no orange juice, or grape juice, or apple juice, or anything of the such), but the “Road to 99” is a GRIND!!! I’ve been playing for 5 days, and I’m at 87 (VC can be spent to level up to 85 right off the bat). There’s no doubt that this time around, very few people will make it to Jordan level. The reward for hitting 98 is a feature on NBA 2KTV, so there’s no way that thousands of stick-ballers are going to be featured. Still, it’s a long haul that can last the life of 2k18. So far, the grind is fun.

“With Dave’s math, our squad’s inclusion received 10 Bibles alone.”

While you can do everything mentioned in the above review, the real draw of the new MyCareer is stacking up against other users. Instead of selecting game modes from a menu, you actually walk your player to the games. You go to the playground to play 2-on-2 or 3-on-3 pickup games, which can be fun, except for the 2K servers being sub-par and lagging out during games (even @Ronnie2K meta clowns himself about these issues in a tweet from DJ). And it feels like a real pickup game, since many players vary in ability. Sure–both the park and Pro-Am are fun; but outside of the team mode, nobody actually plays as a team. It’s full of players trying to pad their own stats to level up and it devolves into users playing 1-on-5 every time they get the ball. I’m not amazing at this game, but I’m not horrible either, and I’ve won a total of 3 games between the modes because of other users not wanting to work together. It also doesn’t help that the “steal” button might as well be the “intentional foul” button. As solid as it is, MyCareer wouldn’t be worth the price of admission (2.5/5). But luckily this year’s addition of extra “historical teams” and All-Time rosters for each franchise are enough to make 2K another can’t miss put-back. 4.5/5 Bibles. – Dave Story

OK, hold the phone guys. Before we get into Moody’s last say let’s talk 2K from an NFL and NBA 2K title player perspective since the Sega Dreamcast. This year’s installment on PC instantly had me hooked with pristine graphics and animation; those intending to upgrade their Xbox One to the X this winter will be in for a treat! Like the boys above and Moody below, I’ve mostly been playing MyCareer, but I’ve also delved heavily into MyTeam. Visual Concepts, once again, nails the card-pack dream team mode. Players choose 25-26 items/pack, to which the first five are automatic but locked in, resulting in a coach, contract, playbook, stadium and one player. The next pack will get players their free agents not locked in; you’ll need contracts for these (likely superior) players throughout the challenges. The last packs you’ll obtain for your team have players configured and aligned with attributes they acquire as a player.

Starter packs contain defense, grit and grind, pace and space, perimeter centric and post where in each of these packs of 5 you only get to choose two. But most fun of all in MyTeam? Not having to constantly play against the A.I., with the option to play against another around the globe. One can keep playing these challenges to ramp up their game or build up MyTeam to be the best. For one, these weekly challenges are the best way for a player who has barely jumped onto 2K to learn how to play in different game situations. A coach proficiency system ensures players pick up ballers most fitting for their team strategy, too. The only issue had early on is the usual: it needs patching. 2K18 is a bit slower than before and is difficult to discern a player with a rating of 69 from a player with a rating of 89. I have seen things in this game that make you pull your hair out and say, “WHAT!!!” 3.5/5 Bibles. – Solomon Gamino

“Traveling” Travis Moody
Twitter/IG: @TravMoody / XBL: @TravMoody12

A 3.5, Solo? Are you sure you weren’t playing NBA Live 18? Lauro and Dave spent the majority of their review on MyCareer, arguably the weakest mode in 2K. The characters look stranger; the acting/dialogue (sans team mentor/security guard) is less impressive than Madden 18‘s glorious new story mode, Longshot; having to constantly spend time in the Gatorade Fitness Center and badge practice is relentless; and every non-NPC — pretty much everyone — looks like a STUPID IDIOT standing in the middle of the street with no cars in sight, as stone-faced zombies on their iPhone, not moving an inch to interact with anything or anyone. But! There’s absolutely no question that the freedom of The Neighborhood is a game-changer. You don’t have to compete in the NBA if you don’t want to; you don’t have to compete in the parks if you don’t want to; or, best, you can do a little of everything and keep every agent/PR rep/teammate/strange roommate around you happy.

What downtown Denver looks like before stores open.

With that said, those grinds might one day deem rewarding, and I’ll continue to run MyCareer at 85-90% at least until the official start of the NBA season. Despite losing all that glorious story/back-story 2K17 offered with Team O.J. in a story I didn’t want to move on from (but 2K18 has my guy Kyrie gracin’ the cover in Celtic green!), there’s still enough “cute” cutscenes and moments in the mode to keep me intrigued. And despite a 65-rating after grinding harder than Destiny in 15 NBA games with my Moody PG (standard edition review code) — and the all likelihood I’ll barely test the online waters of the park or Pro-Am — I’m having solid contributions off the pine with plenty of double-doubles. Adjusting from a dominate Big to a semi-struggling PG has been a great story for me; sooner or later I’ll have that job, D’Angelo!

Gameplay thingy’s my compadres haven’t touched upon:
There’s a new cinematic narrative added to this year’s MyGM too, although not without the same cringeworthy graphics/text-based dialogue/handwaving found in last year’s WWE 2K17 promo engine. “The Next Chapter” is a nice way to boost steam to 2K’s most underrated mode, and hopefully some quality voice acting and visuals will accompany the game’s secondary campaign next season. Advancing MyGM into the season, I love-love-loved the option to “Normalize played in sim minutes/stats”. I was called-out on Facebook about this being in NBA 2K17, and indeed that’s truth. But who the fuck played MyGM mode last year? Thought so. Playing 6-minute quarters in my Moody GM Fantasy Draft League (using players from both current, classic and all-time teams) is gonna be a helluva lotta fun, especially without feeling the urge to play all 12-minutes.

Guest commentary from KG and Kobe. It’s so-so-so-so good, and a wonderful surprise when both H-o-Famers join the already loaded booth. I also loved that C-Webb had a rant on current NBA players from the Big 10 too. So dope. Still no highlights from around the league during season modes (I mind as well give up now), but–bar none–NBA 2K18‘s presentation is once again near-flawless (those new freethrow angles tho!), despite a new Jordan Player of the Game drop that often comes too early/awkward during close games and sometimes contradicts game outcomes that aren’t already by 20-points. And you can forget seeing Ernie, Shaq, and Kenny’s TNT brothers Barkley and Miller on commentary in 2K ever, since they aren’t even in the game as All-Time players! Moses Malone and Rasheed Wallace are noted omissions, too. Fuck licensing.

Actual gameplay. Yes! There is a game of basketball to be played beyond all the new, wonderful open-world MyPlayerCareer stuff. The 5-on-5 on-court play is smoother, less stilted, and far more organic than ever, despite plenty of erroneous “direct” passing (holding the pass button still doesn’t thread the needle; but no looks and bounce passes are easier to manage). Loose balls are more active, offering a far more rewarding and animated fight for the rock, like tip rebounds. AI is improved AF, too, as defenders will stick sharpshooters like glue and leave any struggling chuckers to help defend the paint from incoming threats. Everything on the court looks and feels so authentic and fresh. Irregardless of NBA 2K18‘s narrative/graphical shortcomings in its ever daunting Grant Theft Ambition, there’s still no sports title better. 4/5 Bibles. – Travis Moody

September 18, 2017

SPACE JAM [The Woeful Worship]: Ehhhhh, What’s Crappy, Doc?

“El Sacerdote” J.L. Caraballo Twitter @captzaff007

Greetings, fellow geeks and geekettes. My goodness, it’s been a while. Hell, when last we perused these waters, our country wasn’t on fire, but here we are, the end of summer, and looking to get started with awards season. But there aren’t any awards where we’re going…Anyway, I’d had a certain movie planned to cover for this outing of Woeful Worships, but after a series of mishaps and tragedies, I’ve decided to change course and cover something a bit…nostalgic. Oh, don’t get me wrong: I’ll be covering my original choice, but for now, we’ll just hold off a bit. Because I know what sells: NOSTALGIA. And do you guys know what’s REALLY nostalgic? Fucking Space Jam.
Space Jam.

I know, I know. I can almost feel the oncoming onslaught: “This movie’s fantastic! I’ll burn your house down for saying that!”; “This movie LITERALLY is my childhood and a documentary as to how I escaped the cartoon realm!”; “Go to hell, J.L., you sexy son-of-a-bitch! This movie got me knee-deep in poon when I was in middle school, and you can’t tell me otherwise!”; “FAKE NEWS!”; “You’re a film reviewer! You’re supposed to be objective!”; “LOL, beta cuck iz butthurt! LOL!” Or — my favorite response — “TL;DR.” But look…rewatch it. REALLY watch it again, outside of the trappings of nostalgia, and answer me this: why is this movie?

You guys know this plot, it’s the classic “waning-in-popularity-Warner -Bros.-cartoon-characters-get-forced-to-play-basketball-against-aliens-running-an-amusement-park-on-another-planet-so-they-kidnap-Michael-Jordan-to-help-them” plot that Hollywood keeps rehashing over and over again because it’s such a winning combination and so timeless it never, ever gets dated no matter what, and always works, even just one time. Look, cartoons never get old, and specific players for specific sports never gets old either. Everyone wins! Alright, let’s take a swig, and then do this…

Damn…even the rabbit doesn’t want to do this…

So the Looney Toons are out doing their own thing, which consists of just running through their signature scenarios (Wile E. Coyote chases the Roadrunner ad infinitum; Taz spins around spouting inane gibberish that could be hidden profanity; Daffy is out being the coolest motherfucker around; and Bugs Bunny is out being an insufferable asshole to a justifiably enraged, psychotic Elmer Fudd). But alas! This peace is not to last, as the CEO of amusement park Moron Mountain (which is a planet, not just a mountain?) needs a new gimmick to attract visitors. He chooses to kidnap the Looney Tunes, as they’re the first thing he happens to see on TV, and appoints five of the tiniest, weakest, most feeble alien cohorts to kidnap ALL of them.

Seeing how dimwitted and short these jerks are, the Looney Toons challenge them to a basketball game for their freedom (instead of just, like, stepping on them or flicking them away, or having Wile E. just dynamite them). While the Toons think they’ve got this, the Tiny Aliens steal the basketball skills of some of the best, Not-An-Actor-est basketball players working at the time, rendering them apparently useless at doing literally anything else with their lives. The Toons are totally fucked, guys! OH NO!

With this dramatic turn of events the Toons enlist the help of none other than Michael “I’m Definitely Not An Actor” Jordan, at the peak of his fame! Or, to be fair, they fucking kidnap him. There he is, out hanging out with Bill Murray, and Newman, playing golf, when they wrap a rope around him, drag him underground (where their universe exists?), and beg him for help. And really, what choice does he have? He now exists in a reality that goes beyond human reason, where logic and the very concept of death mean nothing, and where he has no idea how to leave (it’s apparently by breaking through the sky? Which is also underneath the Earth? Who came up with that? John Quincy Adams?).

“Kids love Newman from *Seinfeld*, right? Throw HIM in this shit! Why not?!”

And the pisser of it is that he has his kids on Human Earth who just wake up and their father is fucking GONE. And it goes to reason that they’ve seen some shit in their lives, because when Bugs and Daffy show up to their house in the dead of night saying they have their dad and he’s “helping” them, but they need his sneakers, they have the mildest of reactions. Those children don’t care. They’re seen much, much worse mind-blowing shit through their thousand-yard-stare-eyes. The presence of an anthropomorphic rabbit, and duck robbing them fazes them not. They’ve stared into the abyss, had the abyss stare upon them, and then it screamed in abject terror.

“We have gazed upon the abyss…and the abyss screamed.”

But back to the highjinks! The Toons practice, the Not-Tiny-Anymore Aliens (cleverly and originally calling themselves the Monstars) show off their skills, and the game is on! Also, Lola Bunny shows up, and she makes me feel weird.Who was she before she showed up in this movie? She’s not an older character they dug up. And the animators anthropomorphized the HELL out of her. Is her shtick just that she’s good at basketball and being the perfect candidate for Rule 34? Anyway…Newman shows up to help (Ha!), the Toons get their self-confidence after trailing in the first half of the game (and Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam both actually use their guns on the Monstars…for a single visual pun), and then Bill Murray himself shows up (and his presence is the one truly great thing about this movie.) The game’s down to the wire, the Toons are behind by ONE POINT and the buzzer’s about to go off! Oh SHIT! WHAT WILL HAPPEN??!!!

“I Believe I Can Fly”. That’s what happens.

Jordan gains honest-to-God Mr. Fantastic abilities, and dunks that shit. Never mind he never exhibited any true stretching capabilities at all before, and never does anything close to this ability ever again, in or out of the movie, but he’s in a movie with fucking cartoons, so I’ll roll with it. It’s just such an odd moment, where the tone just…gets super-serious and gospel-y? One minute we’re watching Bugs and Michael Jordan playing ball, and the next R. Kelly chimes in with a gospel choir crooning an inspirational ballad in the most heartfelt, serious way, which is playing over the image of a grown man stretching his arm across the entire length of a basketball court while cartoon aliens try to drag him down to the ground.

Clearly a movie featuring *this* requires a super serious, inspirational, R&B gospel ballad.

Most of us grew up in the ’90’s, and I can tell you that this sort of misplaced seriousness was all over the pop culture of the time. It’s almost wistful to think that there was a time before meta-seriousness, where films and comics didn’t stop to cynically point out that their very existence was stupid and made no sense (Age of Ultron stops an action scene to do this; the rebooted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles do this; fucking Terminator Genisys does this!)

A movie like this…stupid as it is…reveled in its stupidity and just, like, rolls with it. And for that alone, I kind of appreciate it. It never once stops to look at the audience, wink, and say, “I am fucking stupid. I am sorry I was made, and that you are currently wasting your time watching me be super stupid, and now you too are also stupid because of me, and me alone.”

“Good thing I quickly realized for the first and only time ever that I can do this! Thanks, R. Kelly!”

Space Jam is such a product of its time it arrived wanting to trade Pogs, beat an old woman for a Furby, and peep those fresh Jnco threads, yet is quick enough to get you, dear audience member, back home before your Tamagatchi died. If you know what anything in that previous sentence was, then Surprise! You watched Space Jam, were obsessed about it, and wanted all your friends to join in the fun. But you were young then…oh so young. And this movie? Space Jam? It has not held up well, and, like most things being sold back to us, isn’t as awesome as we tried convincing ourselves it was once. Except for Bill Murray. Yeah…that dude never goes out of style.

Fine, fine. I’ll fix this mess. It’ll work for *Garfield* in about 10 years, no?

Next time, we’re entering a sub-genre of the Woeful Worships: the shitty Lifetime movies (aka “regular Lifetime movies”). Because…jeez…these are some strange motherfuckers coming up…

Until next time, feel free to visit the OFFICIAL SUPER AWESOME SPACE JAM WEBSITE right here!

1996/5Wayne Knights.

September 28, 2015December 22, 2015

NBA 2K16 [Tip-Off Review]: How the West Was Won.

There have always been several ways to play NBA 2K–but nothing comes close to the extent of features and options players will have in NBA 2K16. In fact, any one of these modes could be a respected, fully-fledged game in itself. With that said, we needed 2 hardwood holy men to review a game so massive.

Welcome to another installment of Geek vs. Nerd: Tip-Off Edition!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUId2cQa3TQ

"Travelling" Travis Moody Twitter/IG: @TravMoody / XBL: @TravMoody12 — “Traveling” Travis Moody
Twitter/IG: @TravMoody / XBL: @TravMoody12

GEEK – While my fellow “Splash Brother” Myke spews all the goods (and bads) on the Spike Lee directed MyCareer mode just down below, I’d be steering you wrong if I didn’t admit that “Livin’ Da Dream” wasn’t the most riveting new feature in 2K this year. First off, MyFacescan didnt work. Again. But I can overlook that nuisance since the game carried over MyPlayer from last year. Nice touch. I gave MyMoody a little more facial hair and a new haircut–but he still has an unforgiving goatjaw full of marbles that present some pretty horrendous, weed-induced facial expressions throughout Spike’s story (not to mention that only ONE voice actor was used for MyPlayer, so if you’re heavily foreign or “suburban”, have fun with the accent you’re stuck with).

Another issue with MyCareer is the commentary that flows throughout the games before Year 2 of the story (to which the lingering personal commentary from the broadcast following the first 5-6 hours is highly appreciated). Mentions of a “long and bumpy” road for your guy come before there are any signs of outside distractions. Strange. I’m also a bit sad I can’t play with the Michigan Wolverines in other modes, but it was awesome to see my guy accept a scholarship to MyFavorite college team (of course, NCAA restrictions don’t allow real college player names). I can see this leading to a full College Hoops mode in NBA 2K17 next year. Right?

Before moving onto the brunt of this review, I have a public service announcement to make: NBA 2K16‘s online servers work! Yay! OK.. ok.. ok–at least so far. Maybe I shouldn’t overreact because the game only officially released today, but I can’t imagine many diehard NBA 2Kers having waited over the weekend to pick it up. There were plenty of folks ballin’ online in every mode I tested, so we’ll see how it all plays out as the week progresses. The fact I faced zero lag and only witnessed one or two minor hiccups in several hours of play is a got-damn miracle.

Let’s hope this remains the case, because there are enough modes to keep you busy throughout the next year. Play Now Online, which is more fruitful than it sounds: win 4-5 online games with regular NBA teams and you’re onto the next level of difficulty (from Freshman to Hall of Fame). And you’ll move up even faster if you, say, upset the top tier Cavs/Warriors with the bottom ringing T-Wolves or Sixers. You can count on some nerds ragequitting (despite 2K’s much improved matchmaking) or dropping out of games to “smoke a blunt real quick”, so the rewards are worth the risk of using a shittier squad.

The servers might work, homie; but the Waiters DON'T. — The servers might work, homie; but the Waiters DON’T.

In addition to Blacktop, which gives you the chance to relive or play a modern day version of Nintendo Gameboy’s NBA All-Star Challenge with any dream match-up of your choice, the heavily addicting and annoying MyPark also returns. It’s addicting, because what else is cooler than swagging up you MyPlayer with some dope apparel from Nike, Jordan and the NBA Store for some 3-on-3 streetball? Annoying, because much like any multiplayer video game, there are several cliques/squads and online goons who only play this mode. Since you level up your ranking the more you play, there’s a fat chance you’ll ever rise on the concrete unless you stay dedicated.

Arguably the best of all the online modes, however, is MyTeam, which serves as this year’s 2K version of fantasy-inspired “Ultimate Team” (as witnessed in NHL, Madden, and FIFA). You pick a starter card pack of your favorite team, which consists of playbooks, jerseys, and…journeymen. Worse over, the biggest ish with any of these modes is microtransactions (as you’ll be facing peeps who purchase plenty of decks) and the fact you only have the option of playing with bums initially unless you have enough VC (virtual currency) or real loot to buy more packs–which can take a minute. Patience is a virtue with MyTeam.

Boyz 'N The Hood. — “My milkshake brings all the…”

That said, the inclusion of MyTeam‘s 3v3 rooftop Gauntlet saves this feature from a near-fail, with its tantalizing idea of constant progression, unlocking rewards from the board even if you lose. Even when my Finals MVP, Andre Iguodala, and pair of provided-for-me D-Leaguers (sometimes your “trial” players are superstars, but it’s rare) went against all odds against squads that holstered classic MJ & Durant or Lebron & Lawson, games still went down to the wire. Maybe when more people jump online, there won’t be so many uneven match-ups…or too much of an emphasis on shooting, as most bigs are sadly — and utterly — useless here. There are other modes in MyTeam, such as Domination (33 game challenge against historic teams) and Road to the Playoffs (but wait till your team is “souped up” first); better, the same AMAZING Team Creator found in MyLeague can also be used here, too.

Whew.

Although I’m making a far more conscientious effort to play all the many modes this year, I would be amiss not to mention the new changes/improvements to MyLeague (and MyGM, if you want to take ownership strategy even further). The amount of customization players have in The Mode Formerly Known As The Association/Season is Off the John Wall, as now you can rebrand, relocate and realign your favorite team — or teams, since MyLeague allows Users to control all 30 — to your liking. The Team Builder allows custom logos (uploaded to the servers), highly detailed custom uni’s, custom arenas complete with 6 custom sponsor logos and your choice of stadium effects for every critical in-game moment, and custom…everything. If you want to have a Fantasy Draft and trade override to have Olajuwon, Kobe and King James all on one team that now plays in Vegas or Canada, g’head. The options are endless.

"Batmannnnnn...come out and playyyyyyyyyyy!!!" — “Batmannnnnn…come out and playyyyyyyyyyy!!!”

Look, man. While I know MyCareer‘s story is too linear and far from perfect, Visual Concepts deserves props for having the Spaulding leather to throw a mini-movie into the game in the first place (hey, who knows, maybe next year Martin Scorcese will direct). The amount of detail put together in one sports video game also cannot be matched by this edition: Coaches call plays and players make in-game adjustments on the fly (like solving that damn CP3 pick-and-roll), ref’s talk during flagrant fouls and free-throws, stadiums have security and signature organ tunes, players tie their shoes and chew on mouthguards, and sweat drips down the heavy (and finally true-to-size) shoulders of Shaq/Zach like the Nile.

In 2K16, you can feel the adrenaline steaming off their face. You can feel the adrenaline pumping through MyReview. And– NBA 2K16 is easily the best sports video game of the year. Swish.

4.75 (out of 5) Basketballs. — **4.5** (out of 5) **Rocks**.

"Splash Brother" Myke Ladiona @onemyke — “Splash Brother” Myke Ladiona
@onemyke

NERD – All the skill ratings and player enhancements aside, the biggest point of pride of any NBA 2K player is how long that moment is going to last when any non-player walks by and thinks you’re watching a real game. Over the years that has gotten longer and longer, and with 2K16 almost every shot (save for any of the closeups) looks like a full on TNT NBA broadcast. Coupled with the new pre and post-game coverage by Ernie Johnson, Kenny “The Jet” Smith, and Shaq and the almost completely non-repetitive in-game, play-by-play calling, the only difference between 2K/Visual Concepts’ presentation of the game and the one we’ll be seeing when the actual NBA regular season starts in the fall is that we get to control what happens in 2K16…

Greg Anthony does a great job taking over game-calling duties from Steve Kerr, reflecting what’s happening in the league now with Kerr on coaching duties for the World Champion Golden State Warriors. Anthony is a great fit with returning announcers Kevin Harlan and Clark Kellogg and their commentary is seamless, informative, and relevant — even in in the MyCareer mode. Sure there are bound to be stories that repeat every now and then, but I had to play at least 10-hours into the game to hear anything that took me out of the experience– even if it was just for a little bit.

The video presentation is an almost pitch perfect mock-up of all the national NBA broadcasts. Between quarters they’ll cut to a “pre-taped” interview about players talking about a variety of subjects from practice to getting back into the season after winning the championships. Players will even photobomb their teammates on court post-game chats and the camera will move just like it does on ESPN or TNT.

"Don't worry, son. There's a lot of young kids out there who want to be JUST LIKE you." — “Don’t worry, son. There’s a lot of young kids out there who want to be JUST LIKE you.”

This painstakingly faithful representation of a live NBA broadcast makes your character’s journey through Spike Lee’s brand new “Livin’ Da Dream” story mode all the more engrossing. “Livin’” is basically He Got Game 2, complete with the return of the relentless sports agent Dom Pagnotti from that film. You’ll go from high school superstar to NBA draft pick, witnessing the story of Frequency Vibrations — your character’s nickname regardless of whatever name you choose. The narrative arch is the most prevalent in some well-acted cut scenes directed by Lee, a few of which really pack some dramatic punches as well as some hilarious moments between Dom and your twin sister/manager CeCe.

However, some of the scenes drag on for too long after they’ve hit their plot points, reveling in the acting but taking you away from playing the actual game. It doesn’t help that as you progress, the actual story of “Livin’” will start to become more obviously linear, with very few choices available to help mold your own personal narrative. In fact, the only one choice that really stands out in the game is the ability to pick which college you attend and since the college section of your career doesn’t really mirror what’s going on in college ball now, it definitely seems like a superfluous choice. It’s strange seeing the NBA Draft happen in the story as it reflects the actual picks of 2015 and yet you saw none of those players playing for their respective colleges when you faced off against them.

"One and done, my ass!" — “One and done, my ass!”

That detached feeling continues on in your rookie season of being a pro ball player. Spike’s narrative builds your character up to be a superstar rookie, getting shoe deals and endorsements left and right, but since minutes in the game are scarce no matter what your skill level is, it doesn’t seem like your 8 point, 2 rebound stat line matches the praise Freq is apparently getting from everyone. Even if you play well, your stock stays the same. Luckily your rookie year is short and is highlighted by some semi-interestingly themed games: your first face-off against your hero, an all-star in your position and finally you’ll come home and play in Brooklyn for the first time since lacing up in the NBA. It actually feels more realistic after the main story arch is over, which coincides with the end of your rookie year.

After that point, Johnson will periodically mention the dramatic events of “Livin’” in the pre-game coverage of the game, and Anthony and the play-by-play team will discuss your story at slower parts of the game. Your character will also still be featured in some of the pre-taped, in-studio interviews between quarters where you’ll still get a glimpse into how your character is developing as a player and a person. In fact, your second season in MyCareer is where the mode really begins to shine.

You can even "make it rain" with Pacman Jones! — You can even “make it rain” with Pacman Jones!

When the credits roll on “Livin’ Da Dream”, MyCareer becomes somewhat of an RPG. You’ll be able to level up your character with VC, or through choosing to practice and do drills on your days off. There’s also opportunities to get endorsements for more coin, which you have to appropriately schedule throughout the season since a lot of promotional appearances have time limits on them. There are plenty of other factors that influence your play on the court as well, like expanding a fanbase that will let you build a rep with other NBA players or hang out with teammates in order to strengthen your on court chemistry.

We’re only a few steps away from having a full fledged BioWare-esque sports game that substitutes spaceships and dragons for starting lineups and max contract deals. But what NBA 2K has that a lot of those fantasy RPG’s don’t is the ability to bring your hard earned MyCareer character online to test yourself against other players.

Like our Monsignor said above, the MyPark mode where you can bring your character online is going to be a big love/hate relationship for even the biggest fans. There’s a sense of cohesion with the ability to show off all your new gear, and your new moves, but how is a physical representation a good substitution for a simple CoD-like matchmaking lobby? Finding an open game is tough, and waiting for people can get boring. But, if you’re finishing off that burrito in between games, MyPark is the perfect background noise when you’re in the zone.

2K’s tradition of hiring really good music supervisors continues on into 2K16, so you can listen to fresh tracks from Calvin Harris and Zed, or by DJs Mustard, Khaled, Snake, and Premier while watching any of the online games going on in real time at the park. I only had the chance to play 21, which surprisingly translates well into 1’s and 0’s and really gives you a chance to highlight your skills on the sticks. This all means that newcomers 2K should definitely WAIT ON THIS MODE.

The learning curve for the controls is going to be pretty rough for people who haven’t played a 2K game in awhile. Ball handling, passing, and shooting have never looked so fluid in video games before. Basically whatever you’ve seen players do on the court in real life, you can control in this game. The post game is way more immersive this year, too, as playing with a “big” is actually fun for a change. Guards are going to have a blast as well now that there are more “Signature Style” dribbles that can be achieved by flicking right or left on the thumbsticks. They’ve even done more mo-cap work making sure to get everyone’s different animations down to a tee…

Might be an 84 rating, might be 84-years old... STILL dangerous. — Might be an 84 rating, might be 84-years old… STILL dangerous.

For noobz though, all this translates to having to learn the equivalent of Street Fighter level move-sets in order to not look like you’re some actor playing in the All-Star Celebrity game, and since the in-game presentation has some many cutaways (the Halftime show, in-studio interviews, timeouts, etc), learning could feel like a slow process. I highly encourage anyone trying to learn the ropes to jump into a 3-on-3 Blacktop game to get some quality, uninterrupted play time.

Whether you’re new to the series, or have been playing every year, NBA 2K16 is a must buy for basketball fans. I mean, the game’s only fouls are in its biggest innovations and none of them are flagrant. Welcome to the 21st century version of playing street ball with your friends and yelling out “Kobe” on the fadeaway. The only way this series can get more immersive is if it came with the basketball from Space Jam that the Monstars used to play like pros, and gave you those powers in real life.

4.5 (out of 5) Buckets. — **4.5** (out of 5) **Buckets.**

October 21, 2014September 11, 2020

NBA 2K15 [Review Podcast]: (I Know I Got) Skillz.

Since I reviewed the typically outstanding NBA 2K series the past couple years, your trusted Monsignor decided to do something different: Yap.

So, yup, after being knocked over senseless by the awesomeness of NBA 2K13 — and last year’s next-gen Lebron-dominating NBA 2K14 — I decided this season to talk up the MyPlayer, MyLeague, MyPark, and MySteez of NBA 2K15.

Boom.

https://soundcloud.com/travis-moody-2/nba-2k15-ghg-podcast

If the above SoundCloud doesn’t work for ya, download the show via mediafire.

Thanks for listening.