IMPACT! SLAMMIVERSARY 2020 [Review]: Band of (Good) Brothers.

“Father” Sean Farrell
@hashtag

It’s the night the stars…returned! All Impact titles are on the line! IMPACT Slammiversary 2020! We opened with the video of the hooded figure watching the recap of the build to this event. Smart way to catch up someone who’s just here for the former WWE talents.

Don Callis & Josh Matthews are our commentators for the evening. They mentioned how Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows announced just hours before this show that they’ve signed with Impact. Oh! I’m going to just ignore all the technical glitches and miscues. It’s IMPACT. It’s in their DNA.


Open Challenge: The Rascalz’ Dex and Wentz vs. ____________ – It’s the Good Brot—— nope. Not yet. Oh hot damn–point to your palm, it’s the Motor City Machine Guns! Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin are reunited. Last seen together in May 2018, and this is Sabin’s first match back since his ACL injury. MCMG vs The Rascalz! This is high speed double team blink and you miss it action from bell-to-bell. Dex & Wentz held their own against the former champions, but it was the Dream Sequence and then 1-2-3. Your winners, The Motor City Machine Guns! – 3/5

Backstage, Taya told John E. Bravo that she has to win The Gauntlet tonight. Rosemary then showed up and told Bravo that she had to win tonight. Decisions, decisions ol’ Johnny boy.

Old School Rules: TNA Champion Moose vs. Tommy Dreamer – Dreamer came out wearing a “Moose Sucks Eggs” shirt. That’s a reference to an old Terry Funk shirt about Dusty Rhodes from forever ago. This was exactly what you thought it would be. Classic Tommy Dreamer weapons showcase. Chairs, trash cans, cookie sheets, and thumb tacks! They did a good job using the silence of the building to add to the match with all the trash talking from Moose. But Dreamer never got over by winning. And tonight was no different. – 2/5

Johnny Swinger shows up in a rental car he says was reserved for “Anderson”. He mentions Ole; I’d rather see Arn. Did he mean Karl? Or…… Mister Anderson?

Gauntlet to crown Top Contender for Knockouts Championship: Madison Rayne vs. Kimber Lee vs. Rosemary vs. Neveah vs. Su Yung/Susie vs. Kiera Hogan vs. Taya Valkyrie vs. Tasha Steelz vs. Alisha Edwards vs. Kylie Rae vs. Jessika Havok vs Katie Forbes – Hoooboy. The once proud Knockouts division used to be filled with super talented workers while the other guys had all the eye candy. Man have the times changed. It’s a gauntlet match so I’m not even going to attempt to recap it. John E Bravo comes out at one point as Taya Valkrie and got tossed quickly. There was some twerking by Katie Forbes (is RVD the 4th man tonight?!) just to keep it classy. Bravo comes back again but this time dressed as Rosemary. Same gag twice in the same match. Same outcome. That about sums it up. In the end it came down to Kylie Rae vs Taya with Kylie capturing the win with the Kylie Special. – 1.5/5

What’s this?!! Heath Sl.. Miller is here! Heath is in the ring.. with a mic in his hand! I didn’t say “live mic” because of course they botched the audio. Heath says he’s here to accept the Rascalz open challenge. He’s got a good friend that works here to back him up Uh, that already happened and they lost. Alright, he wants in on the main event. Out comes Rohit Raja to run down Heath. Things got physical and it was over quicker than it took me to double check the spelling of Raja. Heath’s on his way to find Scott D’Amore and make it official: Will Heath “the Free Agent” Miller be the 4th man?!?

X-Division Championship: Willie Mack vs. Chris Bey – Long gone are the days where the X Division title was defended on the Pre-Show or Show Openers. Now it’s right in the middle of the show. Mack and Bey put on a hell of a match here. Best match of the night (so far), and Mack loses by the skin of his teeth after missing a splash and falling victim to The Art of Finesse. – 3.5/5

Rhino & Heath are reunited! D’Amore tells Heath he can’t compete tonight even though we’ve had a bunch of free agents show up already. Social Distancing. Yep. They went there. Rhino tells Heath to show up Tuesday and tell his Kids he says hello. Will Rhino be the 4th man?!??

Impact Tag Team Championship: The North vs. Ken Shamrock & Sami Callihan – Can Sami & Shamrock co-exist long enough to take out the Year Long Impact Tag Champs? Let’s find out.. Typical tag match. Shamrock looking his age, Sami doing what he can to hold on as the North continue to steamroll across the tag division like the well oiled machine that they are. The North Retains. – 2/5

The North take the mic and starting complaining that nobody is talking about their year long reign as champs (hey! I mentioned it a paragraph ago!) and they callin’ out the locker room.. and here comes The Good Bro——- aaaah nope. Still not here. But Once Again it’s the MCMG. Bang a gong and it’s on! This Tuesday we get The North vs The MCMG for the belts.

Backstage (again) we find our backstage correspondent of the evening Gia Miller and she’s found The Good Brot—— nooope. It’s Rich Swann. He’s still on crutches and he’s bummed his buddy Willie Mack lost. But Rich is coming back soon and he’s got his eyes on that Impact Gold.

Impact Wrestling Knockouts Championship: Jordynne Grace vs. Deonna Purrazzo – These two started off fast going right at each other. Deonna played keep away while she smartly picked her spots handling the twice her size Jordynne Grace. Power spots and submissions were on display until Purrazzo who showed up tonight with a serious chip on her shoulder started muscling Grace with suplexes. A giant Vader Bomb almost finished Deonna off, but in a contest of who’s armbar is best, Purrazzo slapped on a double armbar submission and is THE NEW IMPACT KNOCKOUTS Champion! – 3.75/5

Impact announces they will return to PPV with Bound for Glory on 10/24. And now…. ladies and gentlemen…. it’s time for the MAIN EVENT! What was once a 5 way dance for the title is now a 4 Way and we WILL have a New Champion (Because the belt has been vacated!)

Ace Austin vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Trey Miguel vs. ___________ to crown the new Impact Champion – Who’s the Fourth Man?! Is it Heath?! Rhino?! Raven?! Monty Brown?! James Storm?! Chris Harris?! EC3?! Ken Anderson?! Elix Skipper?! Davie Richards?! Nick Aldis?! RVD?! Petey Williams?! Chris Masters?! Matt Cardona?! Hulk Hogan?! Okada?! No! It’s.. Rich Swann. Yeah, exactly my thought too. But– before the bell can be rung, it’s The Good Brot——- sum’bitch! Nope. It’s EY! Eric Young is here. TNA Royalty (Matthews words, not mine. But, I don’t disagree..)

What was once a fatal five-way is once again. I guess EY used his Canadian hookup with D’Amore to skip ahead of Heath Miller.

Now look, these five men went to war. You want stiff shots? High impact? Fast paced Lucha offense? You’ll get that all here and then some. Ya want a Canadian Destroyer to the Outside?! Yah. That happened. You can tell that Eric Young has been waiting to wrestle again; Swann too. Everyone worked extremely hard here. One by one they fall until it’s down to Eddie vs Ace. Eddie brutalizes Ace with the Boston Knee Party for the One Two Three. – 4/5

Before he can celebrate Madman Fulton attacks Eddie from behind, with Ace joining in.. then.. oh.. my.. god. They’re here. THE GOOD BROTHERS have arrived! Who’s side are they on?! Well, spoiler alert — it’s not Ace & Fulton’s side. Gun Stun! Magic Killer! TGB celebrate with Eddie as he’s the the Champion of Impact Wrestling once again.

But, before we fade to black, the hooded figure who’s been watching all the build up to Slammiversary … it’s EC3!

Matches = 2.75-3/5
Entertainment = 3.5-3.75/5

Overall = 3.25/5 Bibles

And that’s it. It’s over. New champions! New faces! Returning stars and a hungry roster! Impact Wresting is on Tuesdays on AXS TV! It’s time y’all started watching again.

-Sean Farrell

WRESTLEMANIA WEEKEND 2020 [Preview]: Ready To Slay In Tampa Bay.

Travis Moody
@TravMoody

No lies here; it’s been tough for me to get excited and stay motivated for this year’s WrestleMania Weekend. After all, I was blessed to attend last year in New York City and this year, the mecca of wrestling madness shoots down 495. With only a few weeks away, Tampa welcomes WWE WrestleMania, NXT TakeOver, and all of the independent promotions that follow. The second reason I’ve been kinda snoozy on what’s otherwise been one of my fav weeks of the year? All Elite Wrestling.

Thankfully, Mox — the new AEW Heavyweight Champ — is set to make his mark in the world of Bloodsport. And we already know the fresh new fed’s resident hardcore hero, Joey Janela, practically runs shit this time of the year. His famed Spring Break is set to feature talent from A-E-Dub, New Japan along with the most bizarre names in the business. And lest we not forget the return of Joey Ryan’s *cough* Penis Party

Regardless of the immense shift of talent from the indies to the NXT’s, AEW’s, ROH’s, and New Japan’s of the world over the past year, Mania Weekend will still NO DOUBT be a supermark-out time and you can expect the Ringside Apostles to have it all covered. Here’s a look at some of the events taking place in and around Tampa Bay from April 2nd to April 5th.

P.S. Check back with this link daily for constant card updates!



THURSDAY, APRIL 2ND

***NJPW LION’S BREAK 3***

Start time: noon PT/3pm EST
Place: The Ritz

Announced talent: Shingo Takagi, Rocky Romero, David Finlay, Juice Robinson, Amazing Red, TJP, Hiroshi Tanahashi, Taiji Ishimori, El Phantasmo, Bad Luck Fale, KENTA, Tanga Loa, Tama Tonga, Ren Narita, Jado, Gedo, Karl Fredericks, Alex Coughlin, Clark Connors, Zack Sabre Jr., El Desperado, Misterioso, Logan & Sterling Riegel.


***THE MARK HITCHCOCK MEMORIAL WRESTLECON SUPERSHOW 2020***

Start time: 5pm PT/8pm EST
Place: The Ritz

Shingo Takagi vs. Bandido

Nick Aldis defends the NWA World Championship

Low Ki vs. Zack Sabre Jr.

Arez vs. Aramis vs. Laredo Kid vs. Black Taurus

Announced talent: Will Ospreay, Alex Zayne, Jordan Oliver, Blake Christian, Black Taurus, Amazing Red.


***JOSH BARNETT’S BLOODSPORT 3***

Start Time: 5pm PT/8pm EST
Place: The Cuban Club

Jeff Cobb vs. J.R. Kratos

Davey Boy Smith Jr. vs. Matt Makowski

Erik Hammer vs. Calder McColl

Minoru Suzuki vs. Chris Dickinson

Killer Kelly vs. Allysin Kay

Hideki Suzuki vs. Thomas Santell

Josh Barnett vs. Jon Moxley

Announced talent: Jeff Cobb, JR Kratos, Josh Woods, Heddi Karaoui.


***WWN SUPERSHOW***

Start time: 8:55pm PT/11:55pm EST
Place: Bryan Glazer JCC


***ICW NEW YORK NO HOLDS BARRED VOL. 3***

Start time: 8:59pm PT/11:59pm EST
Place: 81Bay Brewing Company

Tessa Blanchard vs. Amazing Red

Chris Dickinson vs. Masashi Takeda

Nick Gage vs. Low-Ki

Shlak vs. RSP

Carnage Crew vs. Team Tremendous



FRIDAY, APRIL 3RD

***GCW FOR THE CULTURE***

Start time: 8am PT/11am EST
Place: The Cuban Club

Hobbs vs. Calvin Tankman

Faye Jackson vs. Tasha Steelz vs. Marti Belle vs. Willow Nightingale

40 Acres (Tre Lamar & PB Smooth) vs. Cryme Tyme (Shad & JTG)

2 Cold Scorpio vs. Suge D

Announced talent: Flip Bros, Dezmond Xavier, Trey Miguel, Myron Reed, Christian Casanova, Treehouse Lee, Jason Cade, Chris Bey, Blk Jeez, AJ Gray, Jon Davis, AC Mack, Zenshi, Jody Fleisch, Zenshi, Ju Dizz, Lee Moriarty, Snoop Strikes.


***TOKYO JOSHI PRO IS COMING TO AMERICA WITH DDT***

Start time: 8am PT/11am EST
Place: The Ritz

International Princess Championship: Thunder Rosa vs. Shoko Nakajima

Princess of Princess Championship: Yuka Sakazaki vs. Su Yung

Maki Itoh vs. Priscilla Kelly

DDT Offer Match: Konosuke Takeshita vs. Yuki Ueno

Announced talent: Miyu Yamashita, Rika Tatsumi, Miu Watanabe, Mizuki, Natsumi Maki, Hyper Misao, Nodoka Tenma, Yuki Aino, Yuki Kamifuku, Hikari Noa, Raku.


***EVOLVE 149***

Start time: 9am PT/12pm EST
Place: Bryan Glazer JCC

Announced talent: Jake Atlas, Timothy Thatcher.


***ETHAN PAGE’S BODY GUY EXTRAVAGANZA***

Start time: noon PT/3pm EST
Place: The Ritz

3 Stages of Hell (Stage 1: Live Debate. Stage 2: Pose off. Stage 3: Match w/Special Guest ref. Ethan Page): Brian Cage vs. Scott Steiner

Zachary Wentz, Dezmond Xavier & Trey Miguel vs. Bodyhausen, Warrior Horse & Juice Monkey

Shoot Fight: Jordynne Grave vs. John Silver

Chris Dickinson vs. Erik Stevens vs. Josh Alexander vs. Jake Something

Jody Fleisch vs. Anthony Henry

Body Part Scramble: Joey Ryan vs. Shane Mercer vs. Dan the Dad vs. Luke Hawx vs. Thomas Sharp vs. Clayton Gainz

Chris Masters’ Master Lock Open Challenge


***SHIMMER 120***

Start time: 1pm PT/4pm EST
Place: Bryan Glazer JCC

Announced talent: Kimber Lee, Ashley Vox, Delmi Exo, Hyan, Su Yung, Shazza McKenzie, Allysin Kay, Kellyanne, Marti Belle, Heather Monroe.


***IMPACT WRESTLING’S TNA: THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME***

Start time: 4pm PT/7pm EST
Place: The Ritz

Announced talent: Disco Inferno, Mr. Anderson, D’Lo Brown, Chris Sabin, Chris Harris, Scott Steiner, Amazing Red, Petey Williams, Shark Boy.


***JOEY JANELA’S SPRING BREAK 4***

Start time: 5pm PT/8pm EST
Place: The Cuban Club

Alex Shelley vs. Tony Deppen

Minoru Suzuki vs. Orange Cassidy

The Clusterfuck: Colt Cabana, Gedo, P.N. News, The Walmart Dudes, etc.

Jurassic Express (Luchasaurus, Jungle Boy & Marko Stunt) vs. Young Dumb N Broke

Announced talent: Will Ospreay.


***BLP THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT***

Start time: 8:59pm PT/11:59pm EST
Place: The Cuban Club

Nick Gage vs. Stephen Bonnar

Violence is Forever (Kevin Ku & Dom Garrini) vs. Jordynne Grace & Leyla Hirsch

Haku vs. Tom Lawlor

Jeff Cobb vs. Jake Something

Warhorse vs. Shazza McKenzie

Black Label Pro Championship: Erick Stevens vs. Anthony Henry

Multiplicity Match: 4 Danhausens vs. Kobe Durst, Dan The Dad, Gary Jay & Isaias Velazquez


SATURDAY, APRIL 4TH

***EFFY’S BIG GAY BRUNCH***

Start time: 8am PT/11am EST
Place: The Cuban Club

The Bi-Curious Battle Royal

Live Customs Match: Sexxxy Eddy vs. Joey Ryan

Ariane Andrew vs. Jamie Senegal

Ricky Starks vs. Cassandro

Announced talent: Razor Ramon Hard Gay, Cassandro, Cranberry, Allie Kat, Sonny Kiss, Diamante, Kiera Hogan, Candy Lee, Shay Purser, Ashton Starr, Veny, Still Life with Apricots and Pears, Anthony Bowens, AC Mack, The End (Odinson & Parrow), Veny, Juicy Jimmy, Cran, Ricky Stars.


***PRO WRESTLING REVOLVER’S PANCAKES & PILEDRIVERS IV***

Start time: 8am PT/11am EST
Place: The Ritz

What Culture Death Match: Sami Callihan vs. Simon Miller

Shingo Takagi vs. Chris Dickinson

The Rough Riders vs. The North

The Rascalz vs. The Super Besties

Announced talent: Mance Warner, The Ascension.


***EVOLVE 150***

Start time: 9am PT/12pm EST
Place: Bryan Glazer JCC


***WRESTLECON WORLDWIDE***

Start time: noon PT/3pm EST
Place: The Ritz

Bárbaro Cavernario vs. Caveman Ugg

RIOT Lucha Libre Championship: Arez vs. Carlos Romo

Michael Elgin vs. Black Taurus

Jack Bonza & Mick Moretti vs. Paris De Silva & Jude London

Jody Fleisch vs. El Desperado


***WXW 16 CARAT GOLD REVENGE***

Start time: 1pm PT/4pm EST
Place: Bryan Glazer JCC


***NXT TAKEOVER***

Start time: 3:15pm PT/6:15pm EST
Place: Amalie Arena


***JOEY RYAN’S PENIS PARTY***

Start time: 4pm PT/7pm EST
Place: The Ritz

Chris Brookes & Maki Itoh vs. Miyu Yamashita & Konosuke Takeshita

Priscilla Kelly vs. Danhausen

Effy vs. RJ City

Shazza McKenzie, Kylie Rae & Gisele Shaw vs. Amale, Taya Valkyrie & Ivelisse

Joey Ryan, Colt Cabana & Grado vs. Filthy Tom Lawlor, Ken Shamrock & Minoru Suzuki

Announced talent: Ivelisse, Parrow, Odinson.


***ROH SUPERCARD OF HONOR 2020***

Start time: 4pm PT/7pm EST
Place: RP Funding Center

Nick Aldis vs. PCO

Marty Scurll vs. Jay White

Bandido, Flamita & Rey Horus vs. Will Ospreay, Amazing Red & Rocky Romero

Dan Maff & Jeff Cobb vs. KENTA & Taiji Ishimori

Announced talent: Flip Gordon, Brody King, RUSH, Dragon Lee, Kenny King, Amy Rose, Slex, Session Moth Martina, El Phantasmo, Mark Haskins, Jay Lethal, PJ Black.

GFW/IMPACT SLAMMIVERSARY XV [Sean & Shawn Show]: A New ‘Global Force’?

SHAWN “Pastor” PUFF: Well, it’s here: Slammiversary XV. Although, I’m so confused; it’s TNA’s 15th anniversary but only the 13th actual Slammiversary show — yet it’s also the end of TNA or Impact as they merge with and become GFW. So, is this Slammiversary 13, Slammiversary 15 or GFW presents Slammiversary 1?? If this is a sign of the night to come, this could get really confusing.

SEAN “FATHER” FARRELL: I’m already half a keg deep. I have to take my shoes off to count higher than 10. I don’t even know where my shoes even are right now! Who thought an OWL would be a good mascot for a WRESTLING company?

SHAWN: Let’s start with the most confusing match on the card… They’re going to unify the tag titles in a fatal four way tag team match. The only problem is that LAX already holds both tag team titles so aren’t they already unified? They’re facing Laredo Kid & Hector Garza Jr., Naomichi Marufuji & Taiji Ishimori, and Drago (of LU/AAA fame) & El Hijo De Fantasma (aka King Cureno of LU). Seeing as we don’t really have a tag team division worth noting–and that Drago and El Hijo are being promoted for this match more than the champs–I’m going with the new Mexicans to unify(???) the titles.

https://youtu.be/6qrlT23VFsg

SEAN: I don’t care who wins. As long as it isn’t LAX. I’m serious as a late period that I’m already tired of Konnan on my TV. I think it’d make sense to have Marufuji & Ishimori win to strengthen the new bond with NOAH.

SHAWN: The X Division title will be defended in a best of 3 falls match between Low Ki and the new X Division Champion, Sonjay Dutt. This should be a great match but seeing the love they got in India and the distribution deal with Sony, I see Dutt walking out of Slammiversary your X Divison Champion still.

https://youtu.be/t9cZxoLh5gI

SEAN: I’m still confused why Low Ki is dressed like Hitman from the video games. I’m even more confused as why someone would wrestle while wearing a tie. A long red tie. It’s just begging to be used against yourself. I see Low Ki getting his belt back. We’re no longer in India, so it’s to the producer position for you Dutt. Hope you do a better job with the X Division than Hurricane did. I miss the X Division of old. This car crash spot spot spot spot multi-man match nonsense is best left to the under card opening matches in New Japan.

SHAWN: The battle of the wolves. Davey and Angelina Richards versus Eddie and Alisha Edwards in … full metal mayhem??? Ok. I can dig it. This should be an interesting match, Sean. I hope there is blood and as a Boston boy I’m rooting on the Edwards family to walk out of here with the W.

https://youtu.be/6dPyM0ADnLo

SEAN: “Violence, for the sake o’ Violence.” IF there is one match on this card that is going to be beyond physical? It’s this one. Eddie coming off an injury as these two guys have more bad blood between them to fill the Impact Zone. But lets not forget former Women’s Champ Angelina or Alisha. These two women can and most certainly will, beat the living hell out of each other. The Wolves are better together than apart. But I do think Davey wins in the end.

SHAWN: Why the random pointless tag team matches? I mean, I get the stories but there are literally four tag team matched on this card. Why? This one pits the Impact Grand Champion (boy, do I hope they do away with this horrible title) Moose and his partner, NFL superstar, DeAngelo Williams (seriously???) against Chris Adonis and the best thing going in TN… Impa… err… GFW today, E… LI… DRAKE!!! We all know with Williams in this match it has to the faces that go over, even though Drake should be pushed to the moon. Oh well–I’m used to bad Impact booking.

https://youtu.be/ZM5zCPr01PY

SEAN: you don’t bring in an NFL star and have him lose. Pac Man Jones is a former Tag Team Champ. This is the “let’s hope to get on Sportscenter” match. All these men deserve better than this. Bad Booking? In TNA ? this is GFW brother! Of COURSE they wont put over Eli. Dummy, yeah!

SHAWN: Another unification match is going to see the GFW Women’s Championship unified with the TNA Knockouts Championship when Sienna faces off with Rosemary — another match I’m not too excited over. Scratch that. I’m not excited at all over. I’ll be getting more beer during this one. But if I HAVE TO pick one, I’m going with the demon Rosemary walking out the new unified Women’s… err… Knockouts… ummm… She’ll be the champ.

https://youtu.be/lqpOX3Myn9o

SEAN: Beer? gimmie two. Two for each hand that is! I dig Rosemary, but I see KM interferring here and making Sienna the first new champ going forward. Someone needs to put KM in his place. He needs to make like a tree…and get outta here! Worst gimmick ever. In TNA. THAT’S saying something. This match will be filled with outside distractions. I’m sure of it.

SHAWN: We’ve got a strap match on the card with James Storm, the cowboy, set to face off with E-Signh-3… Oh wait, that was only for Mumbai. EC3, the golden boy around these parts. As lost as Storm is with no idea of what to do with him, this should actually be a pretty entertaining match. While I expect it to go back and forth, they’ll let Storm get with victory as he needs it more than EC3. They need to make Storm look good and nobody is better at that in Total Impact Global Wrestling, or whatever this thing is called now, than Ethan Carter the third. Period.

https://youtu.be/jVIZESrJpyA

SEAN: What’s Impact wrestling without a Carter? Oh right. Ah, well… it is the 15th anniversary ….. oh who cares. James Storm is still kicking himself for not getting in at NXT — and as much as I dig EC3, he has been rudderless since the OWL took over. These two might put on the sleeper match of the night, but it really doesn’t matter. EC3 was the last great Impact Champion (Sorry Bobby), and James Storm’s reward for his loyalty? Bad storyline after bad storyline. But I do see the Cowboy riding off into the sunset on this match. Someone say something about longnecks?

SHAWN: The match I’m least looking forward to has to be JB and Joseph Park versus Scotty Steiner and Josh Mathews. Mathews has done a great job at making you hate him since this angle started but nobody cares. Nobody likes Park in this character. But I do have a feeling we’re going to see the return of Abyss in this match (didn’t he already realize that HE was Abyss like two years ago anyway???) and once Abyss shows up it’s all over for Mathews and Steiner.

https://youtu.be/oYA9HazG0RI

SEAN: if this match doesn’t end with Steiner laying out Josh and JB pinning him, I will officially throw my hands up when it comes to Jarrett’s logic on wrestling booking. Scott Steiner has been a huge favorite of mine since way back when I was just drinking Non-Alcoholic Beer. But it’s been a while for Big Poppa Pump. I just hope this is over before my beer gets cold.

SHAWN: In the main event we get two champions that nobody cares about at all. Bobby Lashley defends the TNA Championship against the GFW World Champion Alberto Del Rio in a unification match that few could care less about. Triple B (bitch boy Bobby for those who aren’t in the know) has been atrocious no matter how hard they try to repackage him and get him over as a face. No wait, he’s a heel. Right? Or, is he a face again this week? I don’t even know anymore. It’s too confusing. Alberto says he wants to retire in Impact but I think that’s more because he’s burnt every other bridge he’s crossed and he has no other options left. Anyway, we’re going to see Del Rio walk out of here the new unified champion because Lashley has been champion for way too long and it makes sense to let Del Rio be the face of the newly packaged GFW. That is what Jarrett is going to be calling it right Sean? Let’s just call it Global Jarrett Action Wrestling and call it a day. I need a drink.

https://youtu.be/QjiOBstsVAk

SEAN: I’ll drink to that! Alberto wins to usher in the new era of the GLOBAL championship. I have no idea what this company is officialy going to be called … but its still being run and booked by the same gaggle of idiots. TNA’s legacy isnt Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, The X Division. It’s that it has somehow surivied for so long with underutalized and underappreciated talent for so long thanks to some of the absolute WORST booking and PR work a company has ever had.

THE APOSTLE AWARDS [Best Wrestling of 2016]: A ‘Phenomenal’ Year.

Welcome to our first annual Apostle Awards! To come up with the very Best of Everything in Pro Wrestling for 2016, we asked 14 members of the Ringside Apostle congregation to vote. And, damn did we have answers — answers that ranged from the highest mountaintop of World Wrestling Entertaiment to the epic tradition of the New Japan Pro Wrestling rising sun, right down to the sweaty #HolyShit(!) bingo halls of Reseda, CA.

Do you agree with our selections? Love ’em? Hate ’em? Pissed at anything we missed or marked out to? Let the Apostles know we “Suck” or that we’re “Awesome!” over @GodHatesGeeks on Twitter. For now, enjoy what we have to offer, because you know we’re just #TooSweet.



***MATCH OF THE YEAR***

1. Kenny Omega vs. Tetsuya Naito [NJPW G1 Climax Semis]

omegagoto

"The Man Called" Moody @travmoody
“The Man Called” Moody
@travmoody

Nearly a unanimous decision for the congregation, Omega/Naito in the semifinal of the 19 Day epic that was New Japan Pro Wrestling’s G1 Climax, was also our highest recommendation of 2016. “Before you write your list, watch this match now!” It was also the fight that made me feel beyond stupid for having stopped watching NJPW after AJ, The Club, and Nakamura defected to the big time. Fellow congregant Ryan Davis told me this epic battle between two of the biggest heels was “Piper/Flair for the new generation”. But I’m gonna 1-up that notion: the match was Omega’s high-flying nuttiness of Pillman, strength, intensity (and groaning) of DDP, acrobatic “strong style” of Muta, and scrappiness of Benoit to the Los Ingobernables member’s submission expertise of Flair meets a high-flying variant of Piper’s sheer evil. Yes. Kureijī!!! While Omega eventually went on to beat Goto–in another blockbuster–to become the first gaijin to win G1, if any match in 2016 was 5-stars, it was his war with Naito.

2. *TIE* A.J. Styles vs. John Cena [SummerSlam ’16] / A.J. Styles vs. Dean Ambrose [TLC ’16]

3. #DIY vs. The Revival [NXT TakeOver: Toronto]

Honorable mention: Will Ospreay v. Ricochet [Best of the Super Juniors], Kota Ibushi v. Cedric Alexander [CWC Semifinal], Samy Zayn v. Shinsuke Nakamura [NXT TakeOver: Dallas], Sasha v. Flair [HIAC ’16], Adam Cole & The Young Bucks v. Ricochet, Matt Sydal, & Ospreay [PWG Battle of Los Angeles 2016].




***BRAND OF THE YEAR***

1. Smackdown Live!

sdl

"Reverend" Lauro Rojas @Cheeky_Basterds
“Reverend” Lauro Rojas
@Cheeky_Basterds

The Apostles have spoken and named Smackdown Live brand of the year, or rather, the A-SHOW BAY-BAY! It may have shorter run time and not as many Superstars as RAW, but, man, can they pack it inside of a 2-hour broadcast. They have such stellar talent the likes of A.J. Styles (has yet to deliver anything lower than 5-stars), Dean Ambrose, Becky Lynch, also my personal favorite, and soon to be second wife, Alexa Bliss. Upstarts from NXT, American Alpha, Vaudevillains, Apollo Crews–and that’s not even touching on seasoned vets Cena, Orton or Miz. With fan favorites like Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan running the show there’s nary a blemish on the weekly broadcast; solid booking and surprising swerves add onto the brand, not to mention great PPVs, and–sometimes–an even great post-game show, Talking Smack.

2. NXT

3. Lucha Underground




***PPV/EVENT OF THE YEAR***

1. NXT TakeOver: Dallas

wwe-nxt-takeover-dallas

"Bishop" Richard Zom @eyebzombie
“Bishop” Richard Zom
@eyebzombie

In 2016, NXT solidifed itself as the benchmark of indie/crossover wrestling. With three potential arguments for “Event/PPV of the Year”, NXT’s TakeOver: Dallas was the excitement that kicked it all off: Finn Balor going full demon mode on the not-to-be-taken-lightly Samoan Suplex Machine/Palonishian Terminator was a sheer thrill of great highs of incredible in-ring work. The second match that had me fanboying out like a middle school girl to the early days of Bieber Fever, had to be the Japanese Queen of Music Asskicking, Asuka vs. the dangerous hugger, Bayley.

(cont.) It was, without question, yet another installment of women’s wrestling coming full circle and outperforming the men on various levels. Lastly, match on the night for me was also one of the Apostles’ MOTY nominees, the NXT debut of “The King of Strong Style” Shinsuke Nakamura vs. NXT veteran Sami Zayn. Sweet Christmas! Did these two make the ring sing with fluid chemistry of working styles, complimenting each other with every strike, kick, lock-up, submission and chain-grappling combo. I was literally sweating watching this wrestling version of Apollo Creed vs. Rocky! Follow NXT, my fireflies. BZW.

2. Cruiserweight Classic [CWC]

3. *TIE* PWG Battle of Los Angeles 2016 / NJPW G1 Climax 26

Honorable mention: SummerSlam 2016, NXT TakeOver: The End, TLC ’16, ROH All-Star Extravaganza 16.




***MANAGER OF THE YEAR***

1. Paul Heyman

heyman

Guy "Padre" Copes @guycopes3
Guy “Padre” Copes
@guycopes3

Why Paul Heyman? Simply put, in an era where kayfabe is all but dead and buried like Impact on payday, Heyman makes us believe that all of this matters. He pulled us in like the best of the carnies, suspended our disbelief and made us believe that every match counted, that the predetermined outcome scripted in a writer’s room was nothing more than a figment of our own imaginations. Why Heyman? Because he sold us on the dream matches, the indestructability of his “client Brock Lesnar” and the very epitome of a great showman and storyteller. The former Paul E was every great manager of the past rolled into one this year and he reminded us all just what an important role that character plays in making this whole business work.

2. Maryse

3. Xavier Woods

Honorable mention: Paul Ellering, Lana.




***COMMENTATOR OF THE YEAR***

1. Corey Graves (RAW, NXT, 205 Live)

graves

Felipe "The 3rd Deacon" Crespo @F7ovrdrv
Felipe “The 3rd Deacon” Crespo
@F7ovrdrv

Jim Ross. Kerry Bawler. Tony Sheeabony. Some of the more memorable wrestling commentators in history; what does Graves have in common with them? Thankfully not much. Corey has been a breath of fresh air. No moronic, near incoherent babbling when excited (OHBAWGAWD, HEIZBROKKENINHAFF!), no drooling over female superstars like a teenager with hormones on overdrive (lol.. he calls breasts puppies, GET IT?!), and no Herculian exaggerations (Tony once kept increasing The Giant/Big Show’s weight throughout a match). He’s concise, knowledgeable, and has fantastic wit, making him the best “heel commentator” since Punk (I detest him now, but dammit did I enjoy his stint as a commentator). It sucks that his wrestling career was sidelined as it was beginning, but in retrospect, we can say: Graves is dead, long live Graves.

2. Mauro Ranallo (Smackdown Live!, NJPW on AXS, CWC, 205 Live!)

3. Matt Striker (Lucha Underground)

Honorable mention: JBL.




***CRUISERWEIGHT/JR. HVYWT OF THE YEAR***

1. Brian Kendrick

kendrick

Anthony "PriestMode" Holloway IG @Grumpykore
Anthony “PriestMode” Holloway
IG @Grumpykore

Not so many wrestlers get a third stint in the most popular company on the planet, but Kendrick has paid his dues for nearly 16-years all over the globe. His charisma is top-notch and has always caught fan’s hearts, heel or face. It’s almost fair to mention that he started the Cruiserweight class way back Attitude Era and other feds during his career. Crazy, but this great singles competitor actually held the WWF Tag Titles (with Paul London) longer than anyone but Demolition before there ever was A New Day. All this backstory brings me to the CWC event and the importance of making the new show (205 Live) another stepping stone for new talent and progress. I have always enjoyed watching #HeelKendrick wrassle, and had the opportunity to catch him live at a TNA event. His new gimmick suits him very well. His crafted movesets are well polished. It won’t be long before we see Brian with the giant purple strap over his shoulder once again!

2. Rich Swann

3. Cedric Alexander

Honorable mention: Ricochet, Will Ospreay.




***HEEL OF THE YEAR***

1. Charlotte Flair

charlotte_bio

JaDarrell "The Belser" @TheBelser
JaDarrell “The Belser”
@TheBelser

What can I say about the current RAW Women’s Champion, Charlotte? She is 100% a chip off the old block. She’s become just as good and just as vicious a heel as her legendary father–a man she has made cry twice, mind you–in his heyday. Yelling at her own manager; commanding approval from the WWE Universe peasants. Plus, her rivalry with Sasha Banks is quickly becoming the thing of Legend. The first female Hell in the Cell. The first ladies championship match that was Falls Count Anywhere. And, now, this Sunday at Roadblock (**plug** check out our upcoming Year-End Wrap-up Show following the ppv **plug**), a 30-minute Iron Woman match. And the sheer craziness about it all is that Ms. Flair’s been around less than two years. Amazing.

2. The Miz

3. Kenny Omega

Honorable mention: AJ Styles, Chris Jericho, Tetsuya Naito, Kevin Owens.




***COMEBACK OF THE YEAR***

1. Broken Matt Hardy

brokenmatthardy-0

“Pastor” Shawn Puff @ShawnPuffy
“Pastor” Shawn Puff
@ShawnPuffy

Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!!! Ooooooooohh!! Ahhhhhhhh!!! I just had a PREmonEEEEtion. The one shining moment of the year, the single reason they are not obsolete, for TNA has been the emergence of the disheveled Broken Matt Hardy. Sure, we were forced to endure the monstrosities known as the “Final Deletion” and the “Great War”, but in the end we were able to bear witness to the single greatest character ever created by a Hardy and after 20-years, Matt’s PREmonEEEtion of broken brilliance finally shone through. Eeeeeeeeeh!! Yeeeeeeees!! Aaaaaaahaaaaaaa!!! Now reunited with the Nefarious Brother Nero, the Broken Hardy’s have proven without a shady of a doubt that they are the greatest tag team in all of space and time. Greater than the Bucks of Youth or the Day of the New or any other tag team that you may think of in all of professional wrestling. It may possibly be the one thing in TNA that doesn’t deserve to be “Deleted”. I think it’s safe to say that the Broken Brilliance of Broken Matt has been the greatest comeback of the year if not in all of space and time. Brother Moore… I knew you’d win!!

2. Shane McMahon

3. Goldberg

Honorable mention: Mickie James.




***FACTION OF THE YEAR***

1. The Bullet Club

bulletclub

Kenny "Saint Superkick" Sanders @HueySkyywalker
Kenny “Saint Superkick” Sanders
@HueySkyywalker

The Bullet Club has grown greater throughout the years. This year, Kenny Omega took the reigns of BC from A.J. Styles earlier this year. He went as far as to create a subdivision group–hell, a faction within a faction–within the B.C. known as The Elite with the Young Bucks (and later, “The Dream Team” with Adam Cole). For the longest time, the comparisons between The Bullet Club and that of Degeneration-X and the New World Order have been spot-on: beat-downs, ref bumps, outside interference, spray paint, “clickiness”, and *ahem* SUPERKICKS!!! It’s no secret these guys are fans of these legendary past factions. What makes it even more great is to get co-signs from these legends, while remaining synonymous within the WWE. Guys like Styles, Finn Balor (formerly Prince Devitt), Karl Anderson and Doc Gallows represent the globally large faction on the biggest brand in professional wrestling. I believe this great faction will come into full formation down the road–and the place will be WWE.




***WOMAN WRESTLER OF THE YEAR***

1. Charlotte

"Sister" Jenn Casals IG @Jenn_Casals
“Sister” Jenn Casals
IG @Jenn_Casals

This year’s winner shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. Although Sasha and Asuka have done great work this year, they just didn’t match the consistency and strength of Charlotte Flair. In 2016, “The Genetically Superior Athlete” had a well-timed debut on the main roster as well as an immediate push to the title. Her athleticism is unmatched in the women’s division and she has yet to have a bad match. She’s managed to look strong even during her losses and, as JD mentioned above, done some amazing character work in the process. Combine these things along with her excellent heel work on the mic and there’s no denying she’s this year’s winner.

2. Sasha

3. Asuka

Honorable mention: Sexy Star, Alexa Bliss.




***TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR***

1. The New Day

new_day_walks____down_unicorn_road_by_rinexperience-d9qdop8

"Sister" Shy Janine IG @shyjanine
“Sister” Shy Janine
IG @shyjanine

When was the last time a tag team in the WWE went from near laughingstock (“New Day.. Sucks!”) to the most endearing part of the RAW program (#NewDayRocks!)? Billy & Chuck? Welllll, this trio –operating under the “Freebird Rules”, obv — is just as colorful; Kofi, Xavier and Big E are just as much as a social media hit as a hit in the ring. They even managed to make the #2 Team on this list’s old runningmates and big time free agents, The Club, look bad. After becoming the winningest tag team in WWE history the other night, it’s a wonder more of “if” than “when” The New Day will ever give up those titles.

2. Young Bucks

3. #DIY

Honorable mention: American Alpha, The Revival.




***HEEL TURN OF THE YEAR***

1. Sean Farrell turns on the Ringside Apostles Chat [#outtanowhere]

"Father" Sean Farrell @hashtag
“Father” Sean Farrell
@hashtag

Nobody saw it coming — which makes it all the more sweet. Some would say #TooSweet. I came to the Apostles, the smiling white bread baby face. I marked out for Indy darlings coming to WWE and NXT. I loved all wrestling companies. Even TNA. I was an apologist for great workers in bad feuds and even worse ran companies. All was smiles and thumbs up. But, slowly, things started to change. First it was an accidental spoiler here, a slip there. Then I volunteered for assignments, and then “something” came up. Leaving my fellow Apostles to pick up the slack. When nobody was looking, I besmirched WWE 2K17, showed my open disdained for the much-loved Young Bucks. Chairs swinging everywhere. Nobody was safe! 2016 was the year of the heels. AJ Styles, Kevin Owens, Samoa Joe, Adam Cole, and…Me. “Say hello to the bad guy!

2. James Ellsworth

3. AJ Styles

Honorable mention: Kenny Omega.




***GIMMICK OF THE YEAR***

1. Broken Matt Hardy 

See “Comeback of the Year”, up above.




***JOBBER OF THE YEAR***

1. James Ellsworth

james-ellsworth-wwe

Ryan "Father Grimm" Davis @OGMrGrimm
Ryan “Father Grimm” Davis
@OGMrGrimm

The man formerly known as “Pretty” Jimmy Dream is actually a near 15-year veteran of the squared circle. Straight out of high school, Ellsworth went into wrestling school where he was trained by Axl Rotten. He decided that he was going to focus on being the best “selling” man in wrestling, where his first ever match was a losing effort against a young Mickie James. He has also worked with legends such as Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Tommy Dreamer, and The Rock N Roll Express. He has done everything in wrestling including starting and running his own promotion called Adrenaline Championship Wrestling. But, by far, it was his RAW debut in WWE in a squash match against Braun Strowman that put him on the map — where, even though he lost miserably, he won over the crowd and became an internet sensation with his never-say-die attitude and catchphrase. “Any man with two hands has a fighting chance!”

2. Dolph Ziggler

3. Heath Slater

Honorable mention: Everyone that spent money on “that broken AF game”, WWE 2K17.




***ENTRANCE OF THE YEAR***

1. Bobby Roode

Felipe "The 3rd Deacon" Crespo @F7ovrdrv
Felipe “The 3rd Deacon” Crespo
@F7ovrdrv

Screw the choir entrance… Not really; Bobby Roode has the best entrance theme in the WWE right now. I can already hear you whining, Nakamura fan: “oh, what about Shinsuke’s entrance? What about the violin one?”… What about it?? Glorious Domination has that great, over- the-top quality that cheesy late 80’s and early 90’s rock songs had. Seriously, it’s the perfect montage song. Need more proof? Next time you’re having a crappy day, think you can’t do one more lap on the treadmill, or feel you can’t finish one more set at the gym, play the song and you’ll pull through. Just like in a montage.

2. Shinsuke Nakamura

3. Dalton Castle

Honorable mention: TJ Perkins, Finn Balor.




***FINISHER OF THE YEAR***

1. Flying Corkscrew Stunner [Ember Moon]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rgfuEeT06Y

Ryan "Father Grimm" Davis @OGMrGrimm
Ryan “Father Grimm” Davis
@OGMrGrimm

Ember Moon’s awe-inspiring top rope corkscrew stunner–originally known as the “O-Face”–is now known as “The Eclipse”. This move perfectly complements the intense style of Moon who is a graduate of Booker T’s wrestling school. It’s just the kind of thing that will no doubt lead her to the top of NXT, and as I’ll predict right now the NXT Women’s Championship by the end of 2017.

2. Kinshasa [Nakamura]

3. Styles Clash [AJ Styles]

Honorable mention: Grand Amplitude [American Alpha].




***RIVALRY OF THE YEAR***

1. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte Flair

charlotte-vs-sasha-hell-in-a-cell

See “Heel of the Year” up above. WHOOOOOOO!!!

2. #DIY vs. The Revival

3. *TIE* AJ Styles vs. Dean Ambrose / AJ Styles vs. John Cena




***DEBUT OF THE YEAR***

1. AJ Styles [Royal Rumble ’16]

Nuff said.

2. Shinsuke Nakamura [NXT]

3. Enzo & Cas [RAW]

Honorable mention: Bobby Roode [NXT].




***OVER– USED MOVE OF THE YEAR***

1. Superkick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIBq-KydL_M

“Suuuuuupppperrrrrrkiiiiiccck!” – Steve Corino/Mr Wrestling IV

#HeelSean Farrell @IAMSCF
#HeelSean Farrell
@IAMSCF

Shawn Michaels, the HBK himself would pick his spot, tune up the band–and then with one swift motion–end the match. “Sweet Chin Music” and a 1-2-3. He used it to win multiple titles, and used it to drop that albatross Marty Janetty. But today? People doll out Superkicks like they’re sold in bulk. Be it Dolph Ziggler using three per match, The Uso’s one of four moves they use per match or those spot monkeys, The Young Bucks, who use no less than ten thousand per match. It’s even worse on the Indies. You get a superkick, and you get a superkick and YOU get a superkick!

2. Spear

3. German Suplex




***WRESTLER OF THE YEAR***

1. AJ Styles

kennyaj

Destiny "Evangelical" Edwards @mochaloca85
Destiny “Evangelical” Edwards
@mochaloca85

This one came down to the wire, y’all. There is only one other person that is worthy of being called “the Best Wrestler on the Planet” — A.J.’s successor as the leader of Bullet Club, Kenny Omega. Kenny has been having a fantastic 2016 after jumping A.J. at New Year’s Dash. He’s gone from being IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Champion to winning the Intercontinental Championship to holding the NEVER Openweight 6-Man Tag Titles with the Young Bucks to (as Moody mentioned up top), becoming the first gaijin to win the grueling G1 Climax tournament to main-eventing Wrestle Kingdom and possibly winning the IWGP Heavyweight Championship in a little over 2-weeks from now. On top of that, he’s managed to wrestle GHG’s “Match of the Year” against Naito and be embroiled in the hottest feud in wrestling today with New Day’s Xavier Woods.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ak9Vg-JvLJc

So why A.J. Styles over Kenny? After years of wowing us in TNA—where he held both incarnations of the top belt multiple times, won the X-Division title six times and completed both the TNA Triple Crown and Grand Slam championships—he left the company he built and stepped his game up. If there was a championship, he held it, everywhere from England’s Revolution Pro to NJPW. At Wrestle Kingdom 10 he battled Nakamura for the IWGP IC belt, a bout that almost everyone thought was going to be MOTY. That’s right; AJ put on a MOTY candidate four days into 2016. After being tossed from the Club, the man formerly known as Mr. TNA would make his WWE debut at the Royal Rumble to one of the biggest pops evah…

https://vimeo.com/159657051

(cont.) He could only go up from there, giving us another MOTY contender against John Cena at SummerSlam that saw SuperCena pull out new moves. Styles still wasn’t done, ending the first brand-exclusive PPV (Backlash) by defeating Dean Ambrose for the WWE World Championship. And just a week ago, he and Ambrose had yet another MOTY challenger in their TLC face-off at the titular PPV. He’s the “Champ That Runs the Camp”, the “Heel That Seals the Deal” and your Apostle Awards’ Wrestler of the Year.

2. Kenny Omega

3. Shinsuke Nakamura

Honorable mention: Charlotte Flair, Seth Rollins, Kevin Owens.

TOP 5 FAVORITE WRESTLERS, Pt. 1 [Special Feature]: You Just Made ‘The List!’

Get to know the Ringside Apostles. Why X-actly do we love wrestling so GodHatesGeeksDamn much? Because of who we grew up watching and who we continue to follow, of course.

Over the next couple of weeks, every member of the squared circle church will give the lowdown on their Top 5 Favorite Wrestlers–who? who? who?–why, of course, alongside a noteable tag-team and a slew of almosts.

Who you got?



"Monsignor" Travis Moody @TravMoody
“Monsignor” Travis Moody
@TravMoody

1. Brian Pillman (“Loose Cannon”; WCW/ECW/NJPW/WWE) – The former high-“Flyin'” Cincinatti Bengal made one of the greatest angle shifts in wrestling: flamboyant Hollywood Blonde to unpredictable menace. Pillman was also one of the faces of the esteemed “Attitude Era”, even becoming former partner Steve Austin‘s bitter rival (“Pillman’s got a gun!”), while whole-Hart-edly brewing more controvery (Shotgun Saturday Night; “XXX-Files”) until he passed nearly 20-years ago.

2. Sting (NWA/WCW/TNA/WWE) – Much like Pillman above, “The Man Called” Sting took his early-90s beachboy persona — always connected with Lex Luger and Ric Flair — to darker measures with Crow Sting, which culminated a rivalry with “Hollywood” Hogan and the nWo that would secure his legend with World Championship Wrestling forever. His first 5-years with TNA (including a longtime fued with Jeff Jarrett) was also that company’s highest point, which only makes us wonder the impact he’d have in WWE had he arrived sooner.

3. Chris Jericho (“Y2J”; ECW/NJPW/WCW/WWE) – A certifiable rock star both in (“Ayatollah of Rock ‘n Rolla”) and out of the ring (Fozzy lead singer), Jericho has a list of accomplishments second to none: voted greatest Intercontinental Champ of all time (9 times!); first ever Undisputed WWE Champion (beat The Rock & Stone Cold in the same night!); and Kevin Owens best friend. Hey, whattya know Jericho; “you just made the The List!”

4. Edge (“Rated R Superstar”; WWE) – Another Canadian, eh? I take it most of our Top 5’s are going to be full of Tim Hortons regs. But how many Canucks have 62 titles between them, like my #3 & #4? In addition to being a great champion, tag-team champion (with Christian, The Brood, Rated-RKO), geekcentric TV actor (The Flash, Viking), and an even better promo guy (lord, that Vickie Guerrero stuff!), Edge was also one of the most extreme wrestlers in the fed. His #TLC game was Money in the Bank.

Atom-Smasher!
Atom-Smasher!

5. Curt Hennig (“Mr. Perfect”; AWA/WWE/WCW/TNA) – A childhood favorite, just as much for his “perfect” promos with legendary sports athletes (i.e. his buddy Wade Boggs) as his wild in-ring bumps and “Perfect-Plexes”, Hennig was also a wrestler who connected the legendary Four Horsemen to the nWo. To me, also the greatest (check that, most perfect) I.C. champ of all time–when titles were judged on reigns and not how many times you won and lost them.

Fav Tag Team: The Road Warriors (“Legion of Doom”; AWA/AJPW/NWA/WCW/WWE/NJPW) – “Ohhhwwwww.. what a RUSHHHH!!!” There’s no doubt that Hawk and Animal were the meanest, most bad-ass tag-team ever to grace the squared-circle. Clad in black and red, spiked shoulder pads and mean face paint, these guys didn’t need tables; just adrenaline and a reason to kick you in the mouth. Also, that Doomsday Device is my fav tag finisher of all time.

Honorable Mention: Owen Hart, Raven, Randy Orton, A.J. Styles, The Undertaker, Bobby Roode, The Great Muta, Jushin Liger, Chris Benoit, Steve Austin, Del Wilkes, Sasha Banks, Jeff Jarrett, Sycho Sid.




JaDarrell "The Belser" @TheBelser
JaDarrell “The Belser”
@TheBelser

1. Bret Hart (“The Hitman”; WWE/WCW) – “The Excellence of Execution” was also “the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be.” The most scientific WWE champion of all time. Despite all his monikers, Hart has been my favorite wrestler ever since I was a little kid. Many of my favorite wrestlers had their best match against Bret. In fact, a pair of my favorite all-time WWE matches? WrestleMania 12 against Shawn Michaels and WrestleMania 13 against Austin. Also.. The cool shades. The dope leather jackets. Hell, Hart’s the only man that made me think of wearing pink.

2. Steve Austin (“Stone Cold”; WCCW/WCW/WWE) – “The Rattlesnake” single-handedly made my junior-high years so awesome. This beer-swiging, finger-gesturing anti-hero redneck became a symbol of defiance in my lifetime. He’s part of two of my all-time favorite feuds: him vs Hart (the feud that got me into wrestling), and, of course, him vs. Vince McMahon — must see TV. His records in terms of merchandise sales and box office buy rates still have not been touched since his 2003 retirement.

3. Ric Flair (“Nature Boy”; AWA/NWA/WCW/WWE/TNA) – This “limousine ridin’, jet flyin, kiss stealin’, wheelin’ ‘n dealin'” son of a gun–not to mention 16-time World Heavyweight Champion–is arguably the greatest professional wrestler to ever live. The man has done it all and has wrestled everybody of note in the last 40-years. While he outlasted the vast majority of his contemporaries, I (more importantly) always thought his robes were straight fire.

4. Randy Savage (“Macho Man”; WWE/WCW/TNA) – Hands down, the most original professional wrestler to ever live. The voice. The crazy mannerisms. And let’s not forget the robes and the jackets with the fringe and all the different colors. Dude was crazy flamboyant and just plain crazy in a lot of ways. Often imitated never duplicated. Plus, the Top Rope Flying Elbow is my all-time favorite finisher.

So *this* happened.
So *this* happened.

5. The Ultimate Warrior (WCCW/WWE/WCW) – Hands down, the most amazing entrance in WWE history: running down the aisle with the tassels and pounding rock music. The face paint. The tasseled arms. The overall physique. This guy was intensity, personified. His moveset was extraordinarily simple and he was known to have a bit of an attitude problem. But, this dude had charisma on top of charisma.

Fav Tag Team: The Hart Foundation (WWE) – No–not the 90s faction; rather, the original 2-man tag-team consisting of Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart. To me, the perfect combination of speed and skill and power and intensity. “The Anvil” and “The Hitman” complimented each other so well. Of course, their finisher is always my favorite for a tag team, too: the Hart Attack.

Honorable Mention: The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, CM Punk, Shane McMahon, Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, Sting, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Dallas Page, Jake Roberts, Ricky Steamboat, Andre the Giant.




"Father" Sean Farrell @hashtag
“Father” Sean Farrell
@hashtag

1. Samoa Joe (“The Samoan Submission Machine”; ROH/TNA/NXT) – When he was brought into ROH for a one night deal, Joe turned it into one of the greatest title runs that helped define Ring of Honor — with feuds against A.J. Styles, CM Punk, Homicide, Bryan Danielson, and Kenta Kobashi. Joe left ROH to go to TNA, undefeated in 18-months, and redefined the X Division, further proving the main event star. Again, Joe turned a part-time gig with NXT into a full-time deal with feuds against Finn Bálor and Shinsuke Nakamura, where he is currently the NXT champion.

2. Dusty Rhodes (“The American Dream”; NWA/JCP/WCW/WWE) – The voice. The elbow. The promos. The man has charisma oozing out of his pores. The “Son of a Plumber” inspired millions to reach out, touch his hand and go for your dreams. Through hard times and polkadots — nobody worked harder.

3. Roddy Piper (“Rowdy”; NWA/WCW/WWE) – “The Hotrod” himself. Piper’s Pit. Mr. T. Hogan. Snuka. When he’s good, he’s bad, and when he’s bad, he’s better. Never holding the big prize, Piper was always at the top of the card. Leaving to conquer Hollywood — Roddy became a cultural icon in two genres of entertainment thanks to They Live and Hell Comes To Frogtown.

4. Kazuchiki Okada (“The Rainmaker”; NJPW/TNA/ROH) – Four time IWGP Champion. Even when he loses, he wins. Hell, a horrendous year-long run in TNA couldn’t hurt Okada. Beating gaijin invaders and fellow Japanese stars like Nakamura, Hiroshi Tanahashi, Hirooki Goto and wrestling superstars A.J. Styles and Kenny Omega.

Take it all in.
Take it all in.

5. Mike Awesome (ECW/WCW/WWE) – The mountain that moved like a cruiserweight, tearing down the house with the likes of Taz and Masato Tanaka! It has been said that Awesome is the inspiration behind Joey Styles‘ “Oh my God!!” catchphrase when Mike almost killed JT Smith–nearly breaking him in half. With the ECW title in toe, Awesome left with major heat when he jumped ship to WCW for a huge payday and lackluster gimmick. At least his final match with Tanaka stole the first One Night Stand PPV that cemented the legacy of The Awesome Bomb.

Fav Tag Team: Motor City Machine Guns (TNA/NJPW/ROH) – Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley formed MCMG in 2006 in TNA, feuding with Team 3D and Beer Money. In ROH they worked with The Briscos, Age of the Fall (Seth Rollins), Aries & Bryan Danielson, Kevin Owens and Cesaro (under other names of course). Holding their own across the pond in Japan against the likes of the Young Bucks, MCMG have recently reunited.

Honorable Mention: Randy Savage, Jay Lethal, William Regal, Bam Bam Bigelow, Dallas Paige, Shelton Benjamin, Pentagon Jr. (Dark), Raven, Kurt Angle, A.J. Styles, Mr. Perfect, Ultimo Dragon, Ethan Carter III.

RINGSIDE APOSTLES [Shooting Star Press, Vol. 1]: The Next Big Thing.

Welcome everybody to GHG’s first ever edition of our new weekly everything-wrasslin’ column, The Shooting Star Press!!!

In this feature, our beloved Ringside Apostles will be dishing out the double-clotheslines and triple-pterodactyl snap-suplexes on all of the latest wrestling news, rumors and insanity. Our first article also spotlights GHG’s latest addition to the congregation: Nerdist-affiliated Wrestling Compadre, “Pastor” Chuck Rice. And to think we have yet another fresh face on deck next week for some Payback

Your 6-1-9 Guideline:
Pastor-ing Billy Corgan’s New Reality (Scroll Below)
Padre Pounces WWE 2K15 Delay
Bishop Wyatt Crashes McMahon’s Stock
Saint SuperKick Punk’s CM

SMASHING STEEL CHAIRS

In recent years, Billy Corgan has been smashing a lot less pumpkins and a whole lot more steel chairs. Looks like it paid off for him too. The frontman of the onetime popular band, The Smashing Pumpkins, and a long time wrestling fan just suplexed his way to a new TV deal with the AMC network.

Rhino > Rhinobot.
Rhino > Rhinobot.

In 2011, Corgan decided to trade in singing into microphones for cutting promos into them, and with his brothers, started up Resistance Pro Wrestling, the independent promotion based out of Chicago. While indy wrestling may not be the machine that is the WWE, don’t sell this little steamengine that could short, because they will be slamming people through tables on your TV screen soon enough.

Inking an eight episode at 60-minutes each deal with AMC (The Walking Dead, Comic Book Men), viewers will see the Creative Director of Resistance Pro “create storylines, choreograph fights and manage intense post-match locker room arguments” according to Variety. Currently, this project is untitled. However, one can imagine that more details will become available soon.

One thing is for sure, it is a good time to be a wrestling fan. Because the Internet, we may never see the glory days of the Attitude Era replicated again; and I refuse to become one of those old guys who tell stories that begin, “Back in my day…” But, one thing is certain, wrestling is witnessing a resurgence. WWE is becoming very relevant again — much in part to Vinny Mac’s bombshell announcment at CES earlier this year — and is finally breaking down the barriers that Hollywood has worked so hard to put up around it. The good news is, it’s giving other companies the rub too.

The battle for 2nd place is about to Heat up!
The battle for 2nd place is about to Heat up!

Yes, even TNA. (I mean, don’t get me wrong, TNA is at the bottom of the barrel right now and barely kicking out before the three count, but even they were able to sign up with UTA talent agency and do still have a TV deal with Spike).

As wrestling continues to gain momentum in all medias, I wouldn’t be surprised to see other independent wrestling shows reap the rewards. Let us not forget that Jeff Jarrett is lurking around with his newly created Global Force Wrestling and has some Hollywood types backing him. One can only imagine that Double J has TNA in his cross hairs too. Another one to keep your eyes on is Reality of Wrestling down in this Pastor’s homestate of Texas. Being run by WWE Hall of Famer Booker T they have slowly been gaining momentum and have already secured local and semi national TV deals. Suckuhhhhhh!!!

With all the indy wrestling gaining exposure, who knows, but maybe one day we could even see a territories type wrestling scene reform. Still, I’m going to stick to the old popular McDonald’s commercial saying on this one and say, “Hey. It could happen.”

For the sake of the sport, let’s hope it’s true. Let’s hope it’s…damn true.

(Flip the page for Guy Padre give WWE 2K15 a Roman Reigns-level fixin’!)