“The Pastor” Shawn Puff: Holy shit! We’re doing the main show this time!!! We’re baaaaaaack!!! No more curtain jerkin’ for us ! I think we might be over!
“Father” Sean Farrell: It’s that time of year again where WWE insists on telling us that no matter what, RAW is better than Smackdown. Yippie. No matter who wins, we lose. Champion v Champion only works when you’re going to unify the belts Otherwise you end up with a champ, and a loser with the belt.
Shawn: It’s the Thanksgiving Night Tradit… oh wait… the Thanksgiving week tradition?? Yeah. Let’s run with that. Get yourself some eggnog, and you can skip the turkey because this one might just put you to sleep on it’s own. It’s time for the Survivor Series!!!!
Sean: Man, I used to love Survivor Series ! Teams vs Teams ! It was one of the first PPVs I can remember being allowed to order ! I miss that format.
Shawn: So the pre-show is going to be a complete clusterfuck it seems. 5 teams on 5 teams. If you get eliminated, so does your partner. So the faces and the heels are gonna get along? Hasn’t the Ascension been feuding with Roode and Gable? Wait… the Colons are on SmackDown?? God.. this is going to be hard to watch. I can’t even with this one. I guess there will be a lot of action but despite that, it’ll probably be so hard to follow. I might just take that nap right from the beginning of this one. Does anyone really even care who wins this?? The real winners are going to be the people who are still in line at the concession stands.
Sean: Oh look, a traditional elimination match filled with all those fellas who are midcard or below. I didn’t even know the Colons were still with the company. I’m gonna guess the Godwinns win ? Are they still with the company too ? So much wasted potential in this group.
Shawn: Soooo they’re going heel versus heel twice tonight. Seems legit. I hate this entire idea of champion versus champion because someone has to come out looking week. I expect the Big Show to get involved somehow. By the way, this is his 342nd turn isn’t it? The AOP will be made to look like monsters when they devastate him at some point in this one. Something tells me Drake Maverick is going to take a bump too. It’s inevitable isn’t it? They have to do something to keep us all awake. But I think it’s safe to say if either of these two can take a loss without it hurting them, it’s the Bar. I mean, you have to keep the AOP looking strong right? Bonus: Cesaro will pull off a Cesaro Swing on one of the AOP. They need pops somewhere.
Sean: Well now, I’m not going to beat a dead horse to death twice with how Title v Title ends with a Champ as a Loser…. but whats the outcome here ? The newly minted AOP lose their first match with the belts ? They’re chumps who shouldn’t have won it in the first place. Oh wait. They beat one dude for the belts. Yeah, strong start for a once promising team. Y’all miss Ellering too ? Meanwhile we have The Bar, a team that kicks ass and takes names on the daily – they shouldn’t be losing to two young guys who they won’t have any chance of getting their heat back from. Who wins ? Going to guess it’ll be the AOP because yanno, Raw is best blah blah blah.
Shawn: I really don’t like Mustafa Ali. He did have a couple of great matches against his former tag partner, DJZ and Darby Allin down in Evolve last weekend. But all that included, I’m just not a fan of Muslim Roman Rollins. I was pretty excited when Murphy took the title from the only man on 205 Live I dislike more, Cedric Alexander. I hope we get to see more of Ali in Evolve and more of Murphy as the champ. It’s too soon to end Murphy’s title reign. It’s just getting started. I don’t even know if he defended it yet. I know, 50/50 booking, but you can’t do that here. Buddy Murphy has to win. Right?
Sean: Well, at least this one makes sense – Buddy will retain. Ali is good, but not good enough. 205 is still a solid hour of wrestling each week. As the good booker intended.
Shawn: Ok. So I’m a mark for the old school traditional Survivor Series elimination match. And not that weak ass 4-on-4 shit they did for a while. Teams of five, strive to survive. You can’t even come up with a witty tag-line for 4-on-4. Teams of four each need one more?? I guess that works. I heard that Orton was going to replace Shane. Guess that was just a rumor. Damnit. Why is he in this match again? It’s not like they don’t have the talent to put someone else in this spot. Shane, you’re not the best in the world. Go away. Jeff Hardy sucks, so hopefully he isn’t in this for any real amount of time. Finn Failure sucks too, with his smiley good boy Finn Freezing cornball character. so they cancel each other out I guess. But beyond that, it’s night and day. Rey Jr., Samoa Joe and team captain, the Miz just are no match for Braun, Drew, Dolph and Lashley (Lash-ley! Lash-ley!). Plus they already promised Braun he’d get Baron Snorbin in a cage and Brock for the title if they win. This is going to be the closest thing to a squash match you’ll see on this one. Team RAW wins. And hopefully Shane gets put through a table. And maybe the beginning of that Miz face run we’ve been hearing about in the rumor mill.
Sean: Raw wins so Braun will get to beat up Big Lots Kane, ahem, Baron Corbin. Then have his third match against Brock because that’s what everyone else gets to do, get beat twice by Mr Witness Protection Title Holder then lose to them due to something screwy and go away, again. Braun, Drew, Lashley, Finn all should be gunning for the belt, not working as a team to beat up on the Miz.
Shawn: I hate that Alexa can’t be in this one because of a past concussion. Weak. But Baron Snorbin put her in charge of captaining and managing the team. The one thing that really gets me is the mystery spot. You couldn’t have just told us who’s going there? It hope it’s an NXT call-up. I’ve got my fingers crossed. Nia’s going to hurt someone else. I mean, that’s why we even have a vacant spot in the first place. I hope she doesn’t hurt Asuka or Mella, cause you know, Mella is Money. And can somebody please tell me why we have to have Sonya Deville in this match. Hasn’t her fake MMA angle been played out since there are now four actual former MMA stars in the company now? #ShitShow Who cares who wins? This match is going to be a bathroom break and you aleeady can’t keep your eye lids up. Make it stop!!
Sean: Smackdown’s only clean win will be here. The Raw Women will fall apart and beat each other with Smackdown picking the bones.
Shawn: Well this is clearly going to be the match of the night. And I’m not a fan of The King Whiner Seth Rollins in the slightest bit. I’ll give him credit though. He can wrestle and I’m glad they gave him the Stomp back. Shinsuke is my girlfriend’s favorite wrestler. That means I should hate him right? Nah, it’s fine. I actually hope he catches Seth with a low blow followed by, knee… to… face. Either way these two can and will put on one hell of a match and it will be the highlight of an otherwise tryptophan filled card. I wish they’d stop treating women like they’re not equal and let The Man get her hands on Seth instead, to be honest. She’s owned him on Twitter as of late. Oh wait, Seth loves to injure people. Never mind. Let the Career Slayer stay in his lane. We don’t need anybody hurting Becky Lynch any more that Nia Flap-Jax already did. Since they’ve strapped a swing to Seth’s unmentionables and treat him like the second coming, I wouldn’t expect him to lose, unless Dean Ambrose decides to get involved. When he does, Shinsuke will capitalize and get the W to help lead us into that Seth/Dean feud.
Sean: I remember when Naka had a rocket strapped to him blasting him into the main roster. His debut was an interruption as the crowd went…. mild. Never really recovered from that. He had a feud with AJ where all he did was ball punch and try to win. The King of Strong Style has become the King of Stall Style. Seth is someone who works hard, just makes bad decisions in his personal life again and again. I’d like Naka to win and win clean here and keep him on the path back towards greatness , but instead we’ll have Ambrose come out and cause this match to be DQ’ed.
Shawn: I’m not going to lie to you. I have a special place in my heart for Ronda Rousey and Becky Lynch and I was REEEEALLY looking forward to The Man and The Baddest Woman On The Planet getting it on the ring. My two favorite women on the roster right now. But of course Nia Flap-Jax had to not listen to what she was told and hit Becky with a closed fist instead of the forearm she was told to and broke her nose. Nothing will happen to her because she’s Samoan royalty in the WWE. Now we get Charlotte Flair in her place. Hold on … I think I just puked in my mouth a little bit just typing that. So this match went from being the match that everybody wanted to see to the match that nobody cares about at all. I would have rather them just have someone else be “injured” on Team Raw and stick Ronda in that match. This whole champion versus champion shit is stupid anyway. Guess this is last run to the concession stand time. If they even think about putting Flair over in this match… It just doesn’t make sense at all. Actually, who booked this shit?? Ronda wins or we riot. Maybe we riot anyway.
Sean: Don’t. Care. About. Part. Time. Wrestlers. Ronda wins. She was always going to win. They’re throwing this “dream match” away with less than a week’s build. Unless they have a long term plan to build to a Four Horsewomen v NXT Horsewomen match at next year’s Survivor Series ? What am I saying ? WWE doesn’t book long term anymore. Sorry Flair, you’re going to tap out because RR may dress up and cosplay as Piper but she’s booked like Brock.
Shawn: Speaking of the Beast Incarnate… Ok. So we all know I’m a heel at heart. So I’m behind this D.B. heel turn. Let’s see if he can be less annoying and more entertaining. Everybody hates Brock at this point and even I wish they didn’t put the title back around his waist. Some people are suggesting that this match is punishment for Bryan refusing to go to Saudi Arabia. That has to be the stupidest thing I’ve heard since … Well since this stupid ass card. You people think his “punishment” is a WWE Championship reign and main eventing Survivor Series? Stupid Idiots. But it’s ok, whoever booked this shit is just as much of a stupid idiot. So we take a guy who was on the shelf for a few years because of a concussion and put him in the ring with the human concussion machine?? Does that even make any sense at all?? I couldn’t care less to see Brock Lesnar v. AJ Styles II, but seriously, who wrote this shit?? I’ve never longed for Roman Reigns in the main event so bad. I’m thinking Braun gets involved and costs Brock the match. That’s how this has to finish, right? It sets up the next Brock/Braun feud and Daniel Bryan looks strong as a heel, taking advantage of the Monster Among Men’s interference. Vince needs to hire us to write this shit already. One thing is for sure, our eggnog will definitely be spiked for this one.
Sean: Still. Don’t. Care. About. Part. Time. Workers. Sorry D-Bry. This was once a dream match. Now it’s a throw away match with even less of a build than the women’s match got. The American Dragon v The Next Big Thing ? The Conqueror vs The Eternal Underdog ? Man this match would of been 15 Stars if we didn’t have Mr Sleepwalks and doesn’t care as I throw sloppy Germans and F5’s be the guy who shows up. But that’s all we’ve got from Brock since the Cena feud. Brock shoulda lost to Joe, to Roman, to AJ, to Braun. AJ had the best match with Brock last year and instead of giving us the only rematch that makes sense, they slip in a now Heelish Daniel Bryan ? Welcome to Suplex City ? More like Greetings from Swerve-burg. Here’s hoping Daniel makes it out alive. Enjoy your first match with the title as you’re looking up at the lights, like the loser on the SD brand that Vince wants us to never ever forget. Brock wins.
Now that’s how you close a show. Thank you once again for this opportunity to hang with my brother from another mother ! I had planned on filling this report with anger and fire, unleashing the full wrath and fury that is HeelSean. But, I just couldn’t even fake it long enough pretend to care about this throwaway show. When Becky’s nose broke and then AJ was removed from
The show ? All it did was make Takeover look even better than it already did. Maybe next year will be better ?