The Watch: A free Honeycomb prize, barely.

Oh, I laughed. I laughed a lot. Only because the Rev had a stressful day of obdurate Santa Monica Boulevard traffic and heart-racing audition call times that are only bound to make me the next Mike “The Miz” Mizanin. Of sloshy “Dating Reality” programming. Thank God the lives of Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn’s folks in their new sci-fi comedy headliner were just a tad more interesting than that of yours truly. Where Dodgeball kicks, The Watch nutgrabs.

A little much.

Stiller’s soft-skinned Costco-managing “Evan” is two false moves from a hysterectomy. When his alien-turned-citizen overnight security schlub falls victim to a mysterious E.T. of the Ectoplasm Hi-C kind, the lonely alpha geek (hey, there’s stretching your range) develops a zany four of neighborhood “vigilantes,” including an on his way to pudgier and funnier again, Jonah Hill.

Lots of uncomfortable comedy ensues.

Thus, watching this flick certainly delivers new meaning to the term “beating” a dead horse — or dead alien — if you insist.

A zillion things go wrong on this film, and actually for the better. The worse it gets, the better it plays. Watching The Watch at nearly 11pm on a Tuesday night reminded me of the days I was told people stayed up for “Monster Movie Night” on those sketchy local cable networks. The Watch wants to be B-movie, but decides to be another C-grade Stiller thriller. If we’re going to have an alien invasion in Glendale, or Glenoaks, or Glenville (Ohio, of course), at the center of all of our universe — Costco, yo — this movie should absolutely, without-a-doubt-lee be the stupidest thing ever made!! While close, Watch can’t help but piss away it’s awesome dumbness factor when sticking to the script.

Oh, you know, the traditional tomfoolery when Stiller, or someone very much like Adam Sandler, is ready to engage in the obvious sense of sensitivity to give all of those Groupon-pouncing folks at the Grauman’s a code to live by! A smile for all the vexatiously sexual insanity! If the alien shits the coup, you shit the alien! Hurrah!

And to think people hated Prometheus.

Look, I’m no expert in comedic writing. No, sir. I’m a fucking master. But, on a more serious tip (and who the hell would write a serious review about 4 schlubs who protect a Costco “by any means necessary”: why, a modern minivan packing, overprotective Busch-swilling, flamin’ flyin’ tiger letterman-sporting bro, man!), don’t these guys — who delivered so many delicious comedies in the 90s — take note of what’s out there? (Garbage.) Don’t they see the trailer for The CamBradyPaign that’s an instant winner with improv champions Will and Zach punching iron-jawed babies for goodness sakes?

Really, I can’t remember the last good comedy I saw in the theaters, especially one with science fiction overtones.

[False Editor’s Cue: Travis, The Avengers! The Avengers!]

Boy, that free large popcorn and free large Mountain Dew was a lot of fun. And I hope if you Watched the trailer, you’ll have just as much fun seeing it all over again Groupon-style, too.

Bro.