DC CONVERGENCE #1’s [Sunday Stash, Round II]: It’s gettin’ a bit Batty ova hea!

It’s week 2! After seeing some highlights such as Convergence: Justice League and The Question, we burst onto WEEK 2 of this very special edition of The Sunday Stash. Yes, our second tier of great and holy congregants break down the Next 10 of DC Comics’ 40 new monthly titles during this widespan event.

Let us know which Convergence title in week 2 proved your favorite this week, over @GodHatesGeeks.



CONVERGENCE: GREEN LANTERN PARALLAX #1 - DC Comics
CONVERGENCE: GREEN LANTERN PARALLAX #1
"Cardinal" Roberto de Bexar @RobBex2
“Cardinal” Roberto de Bexar
@RobBex2

LLLLEEETTT’S GET READY TO.. read a really cool ‘What If?’ intro! Yay! What? No? No one else is feeling this? Well, “Cardinal” Roberto is gonna feed you baby birds. Don’t you worry; Green Lantern starts off in the Pre-Zero Hour Metropolis with a very guilt-ridden Hal Jordan in jail. The dome cut off all outside power, so there is no Parallax to make Hal go crazy…yet. In this book, P.Z.H.M. Kyle Rayner is meant to fight the chosen one from the Electropolis. But once the dome comes down, hilarity ensues. Okay, not really, but you get what’s going to happen. Tony (Blue Beetle) Bedard’s “What If?” plot is cool, but the dialogue goes from inspired to forced. Ron (G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero) Wagner‘s pencils have a 90’s feel to it, which works for what this comic is trying to accomplish. I’m having a bit of a problem with the Convergence titles — despite the vast majority of the universes having a neat niche to it — in that the comics have a #TBT feel. Throwback stories just feel forced, as if attempting to shoehorn so and such back into our lives by presenting us with something from our

CONVERGENCE: AQUAMAN #1
CONVERGENCE: AQUAMAN #1

childhood. You know, there’s a reason why some of these universes got swept– and should stay swept up under the rug. 3/5 Bibles.

Vuu Vuu Vuu Vuu Vuu. Let’s see. Did it work? Yep? I have an audience. As you can see, I tried to communicate with fellow geeks in the time-honored tradition of Aquaman – bringing you via my mind. Here goes…

While this does take place in the same Pre-Zero Hour Metropolis as the comic reviewed above, this issue wasn’t bogged down by backstory. Bedard appears to have a better handle of this superhero, re-capturing the Arthur Curry of old without losing what makes him such a.. ahem.. great character. Yes, I said it! Aquaman The Great returns, having a hook for a hand (complete with a nice twist), and Cliff Richards‘ linework is refreshing. At the end of the day, the reason you come back to GHG is because you know we are going to give you an honest review, an honest take, and an honest perspective because we know that we are gaining your trust in the House of the Holy Geeks. 4/5 Sea Urchins.



CONVERGENCE: CATWOMAN #1
CONVERGENCE: CATWOMAN #1
"Deacon E" Esko @EskoBTS
“Deacon E” Esko
@EskoBTS

I don’t really know where to begin here, without sounding like a general hater. So I’m just going to start hating and hope that I think of something nice to say before it’s over. I found Doom Patrol artist Ron Randall‘s linework to be decent. That’s all. Just decent. It’s obviously on a professional level of quality, but nothing impressive or attention-grabbing. The story itself, from Jonah Hex‘s Justin Gray, felt a little stationary until the last 5 pages. Everything before that just felt like random events in Zero Hour Catwoman’s day to day life that weren’t really connected to any super villains or world domination plot. The narration and dialogue were very cliché and I found it very hard to stay focused on this, actually stopping about 3 times to do other stuff. If your story isn’t going somewhere, chances are, I will. I understand this is the 1st issue, but I still expect some kind of excitement and progress before I get to the back cover. Not even Kingdom Come Bats could save the day. 2/5 Bibles.

CONVERGENCE: BATMAN - SHADOW OF THE BAT #1
CONVERGENCE: BATMAN – SHADOW OF THE BAT #1

Since the story was far more engaging than Convergence: Catwoman #1, I guess I’ll start with the super standard 90s artwork from modern day penciler Philip Tan (Green Lantern). Maybe I’m too picky; maybe I’m just destined to be a grumpy old man before I even get old, ‘cause I sincerely want to sit on a porch and shake my fist at the artist of this series. The Batman in the background of the cover is better than all the other pages, minus the frame with Whale holding a spear tip to the neck of a bloody Bruce Wayne. I’m not sure why, but this Deacon really dug that frame. G.I. Joe legend Larry Hama returns to one of Batman’s most iconic stories — some of which influenced The Dark Knight Rises — but the continued story still has a few unnecessary lines that annoyed me. For example, I don’t need the inner monologue of a truck driver describing his thought process of steering around an explosion.. as he is steering around the explosion. Just typing that sentence pissed me off all over again. I have no problem with Azrael Batman, even though he looks like a renegade Mormon and his name sounds like the DC Universe moved to Narnia. I’ll allow it. Even his suit is completely acceptable. However, I do have a problem with Batman chasing behind him like some overly cautious soccer mom. Don’t hurt them too much, Azrael; don’t kill them, Azrael; make sure you wear your seat belt, Azrael. The last few pages were exciting but really made Batman look like bitch..or a passionate hero with morals…or maybe that’s the same thing. Either way, seems like the Batman perspective of this series is going in a direction I’d be interested in following. You may continue, Mr. Wayne. 3.25/5 Broken Back Bibles.



CONVERGENCE: JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL #1
CONVERGENCE: JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL #1
"Christ"-ine Manzione - @christinedoes3d
“Christ”-ine Manzione – @christinedoes3d

DCU’S Convergence series plays with the “what if” notion of every DC hero being pit against one another. Issue 1 of Justice League International follows the likes of Blue Beetle, Martian Manhunter, Red Tornado, Captain Atom, Fire and Ice as they’re locked into their own little slice of Metropolis, stripped of their powers. A bubble encapsulating the city prevents Beetle and the group from contacting any outsiders, including calls for repairs to the damage Metallo causes in the opening sequence. As the abilities once second-nature to the heroes are gone, they must adapt to fight Metallo and his army machine-to-machine, with Blue Beetle using a land-roving, four-legged tank and battery overload to defeat Metallo. As a rather short series (there’s only two issues!), Ron Marz’ writing sets up well for the ensuing battle in the finale. I enjoy the idea of picking up your favorite hero’s Convergence comic as supporting their faction, reading things from their point of view. Once the barriers between cities are gone, Telos informs everyone (…Telos-pathically) that the only way to survive in his world is to fight– and if Wonder Woman and Shazam showing up with their own posse is any indication, a

CONVERGENCE: MAN OF STEEL #1
CONVERGENCE: MAN OF STEEL #1

fight is what we’ll get. Action-heavy in the beginning and more of a story set-up to follow, JLI #1 as a standalone garners a 3.75/5.

Following Steel (John Henry Irons) and his niece and nephew, Nate and Jem, issue 1 of Convergence: Man of Steel takes place in Steel’s own little slice of Metropolis. He fights armored, renegade Lexcorp staff making use of weapons similar to his toastmaster prior to Telos’ relinquishing the domes over Metropolis. Interestingly enough, it seems that the tech-savvy were the winners in Convergence’s dome-Metropolis, where the only ones who could get the job done were Blue Beetle and Steel, because they could engineer in lieu of superhuman abilities. However, once the bubble was released, Gen-13 appears out of thin-air, traversing the West Coast to wind up in Metropolis from San Diego– and they think Steel is the enemy. Only wanting to help, Steel’s niece, Nate, jumps into combat, but all it served to do was worry her uncle and bring him to apparent paralysis when he took a hit for her. Ending on a rough note, Nate and Steel’s friend Dr. Hamilton are the only two on their feet, as Steel is unconscious was drained of his powers earlier on by a parasite. Taking a turn of uncertainty, MOS #1 — despite its sort of misleading, Zack Snyder-driven title — asserts that Metropolis is doomed and the threat at hand in the final issue will be the Parasite. 3.5/5.



CONVERGENCE: SUICIDE SQUAD #1
CONVERGENCE: SUICIDE SQUAD #1
"Martyr" Doice John @HostDoiceJohn
“Martyr” Doice John
@HostDoiceJohn

With the excitement over the announcement of that Will Smith-meets-Margot-Robbie-Again Suicide Squad movie coming out in 2016, I was anxious to get into Convergence: Suicide Squad #1. I was sadly disappointed. Tom Mandrake’s (Firestorm, Martian Manhunter) art gives you the feel of classic comics, but because of that, there was nothing too exciting about these particular visuals. Thankfully, the story by Frank Tieri (New Excalibur, Iron Man) is a slow crawl with hope that things will pick up. Like many of our other parish-geek-staffers reviewing this joint, I’m unsure what to make of the Convergence storyline thus far, too. In addition for my optimism with the roster of Suicide Squaders, I gasped in excitement during two moments in the comic: One, the super hot and sexy introduction of the Star Sapphire Carol Ferris(!!), and,

CONVERGENCE: GREEN ARROW #1
CONVERGENCE: GREEN ARROW #1

two, the panel appearance of Cyborg Superman. Hell, I know they both are gonna tear some shit up. 2.5/5 Detroit “D”’s.

Let’s get this out of the way here first (because, you know, I forgot to in my first review): I’m definitely more of a Marvel Fan. With that said, I enjoyed the work here of Christy Marx (Birds of Prey); she delivers a fairly quick pace, showcasing her version of Green Arrow — because Lord knows there will be a Converging many. Ollie has always been (in any incarnation) a quick-witted, slickster, and this issue was no different.

The artwork by Rags Morales (Identity Crisis, Batman: Confidential) kept me engaged and didn’t distract me from the storyline. The introduction of Connor Hawke kept me turning the pages to see how the father/son relationship would develop. Ha! Green Arrow as a dad? Can you imagine? Well, apparently with Convergence, readers will get a slight taste of what his “fatherly skill-set” is all about. As far as antagonists go, a racially charged hate group seemed appropriate for the ongoing issue, as there will always be hateful bitches in the world. Compared to the rest, Green Arrow #1 feels realistic. 3/5 Star City Stepchildren.



CONVERGENCE: SUPERGIRL MATRIX #1
CONVERGENCE: SUPERGIRL MATRIX #1
"Brother" Matt McGrath @bendsteelnhands
“Brother” Matt McGrath
@bendsteelnhands

The best thing to happen to the Matrix Supergirl was Peter David when he killed her off in the first issue of Supergirl in 1996. The folks at DC can’t even take this version of Supergirl seriously. On the first page Keith Giffen (Annihilation) tries to explain what the Matrix Supergirl is — a shape-shifting telekinetic ooze from another dimension created by a well-meaning Lex Luthor — he has to cap it off with: “Said with a straight face.” Ramon F. Bachs (Civil War: Front Line) and Cruddie (Gen 13) Torian‘s pencils provide a lot of up-skirt views of the Maid of Might, which makes everything that much more creepy but harkens accurately back to the ’90s. Why can’t Supergirl wear pants? Her BFF is the cloned and brain transplanted Lex Luthor — the 90s were weird. She fights a bickering married couple while Lex tries to find a way out of the dome. The only reason for this character was because the DC Comics overlords inisted that the post-Crisis Superman was going to be the sole survivor of Krypton.

CONVERGENCE: SUPERBOY #1
CONVERGENCE: SUPERBOY #1

That meant no Zod, no Kandor and no Supergirl — all mistakes that took 20 odd years to rectify. So, instead, they have alternate reality versions of these characters and complicated an issue that shouldn’t have been. This is nothing more than a nod to the stupidity of all of that. 3/5 Bibles.

Only slightly better was Convergence: Superboy #1. It’s only better because the character was allowed to grow and change over 20 years, so there’s a bit more to work with. However, too much of his angsty whines of: “Don’t call me Superboy!” dominated the issue, and the absolute ridiculousness of the Cadmus Project is in full effect with the DNAlien, Dubilexx, directing the Metropolis Kid throughout the story. Where’s Knockout? Where’s his Danny DeVito promoter? (Go all in, people!) The the Kingdom Come Superman’s appearance at the end makes is all better. He has a plan, and it doesn’t involve punching things. Acting like Superman, which is something that Superman has been missing of late, he demands for Superboy to follow him. So, Fabian Nicieza (Convergence: Teen Titans) offers the only plot point in this otherwise Superwaste of time. 3.25/5 Bibles.

POWERS [Pilot Review]: Who Killed Cable TV?

Geeks unite— Playstation Network has brought a quintessential series to our pop culture repertoire.

Shit. Do you think it will EVER come to Xbox?
Shit. Do you think it will EVER come to Xbox Live?

While sporting some differences from its comic parent, Powers is an immensely entertaining show available through PSN. Produced by the studio that gave us Breaking Bad (so it has a pedigree!), Powers follows detectives Christian Walker (District 9‘s Sharito Copley) and Deena Pilgrim (The Following‘s Susan Heyward) on their duties to quell the abundance of humans with supernatural abilities (or POWERS!). The duo are brought together after a mishap at the police station, killing Walker’s partner.

Formerly the hero Diamond, Walker turned to police-work after his powers were taken away and is evidently tortured by his now lack thereof. Pilgrim, an out-of-state powers detective, recently moved to town and requested partnering with Walker. The two share a rhythmic, apprehensive interaction and their Brian Michael Bendis-driven back-and-forth dialogue plays really well into their characters.

powers-comic-covers-630

The pilot episode of Powers sets the stage for the future, introducing not only our heroes on the ground, but powers-wannabe Calista (High School Music‘s Olesya Rulin), and two powers Walker is all-too familiar with, Johnny Royalle (Locke from Game of ThronesNoah Taylor) and Wolfe (Hannibal‘s Eddie Izzard). Calista is doing anything she can to unlock the powers she’s so sure are within her, be it hooking up with an old dude with powers, to jumping off a skyscraper (I said anything, right?).

Royalle, rumored to be deceased, is our resident baddie; the teleporting head honcho of a powers gang is formulating a drug called Sway, designed to accelerate powers. Sway’s track record is unproven in this episode, as it burst the heart of its only tester (Olympia, the old dude mentioned earlier), but Royale is ready to produce more and I can only wait to see who takes it next (without having read ahead in the comic, my money’s on Calista). Wolfe is in confinement and we find out he was Diamond/Walker’s former mentor. That is, until things turned sour, Wolfe went batshit crazy and took Diamond’s powers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt2znyyXt3g

The Powers pilot sets the bar high for things to come. There were some neat little surprises scattered throughout — like Retro Girl (The Killing‘s Michelle Forbes) turning out to be the widow of Walker’s ex-partner — and the pacing is on point. Especially nice is the production team’s scene direction; something I love about, say, Tim Burton film is that you can pause at any time and have an excellent still that looks like it came out of a Michael Avon Oeming comic book. Well…

Powers has that same quality and I can appreciate the thought put into each scene— angular shots off the side of building where Walker and Calista stood, the powers kids showing off on the street and Royalle severing Bug’s head stand out, to name only a few. Episodes two and three are up as well, so do yourself a favor and make the time to check Powers out, it’s a power-ful new series with tons of promise.

4.5 (out of 5) Bibles.
4.5 (out of 5) Bibles.

POWERS / X-FACTOR / SNAKE EYES [Reviews]: Snow’d In With Supes.

Welcome to a very happy belated Sunday Stash! We hope you took the Holy Day off to enjoy the Pro.. haha.. We keed! We keed! We all know you were at LEAST clinging to every moment of the Royal Rumble while waiting in line at Wal*Mart for Blizzard back-up and can goods. If you snowed in and you have no choice but to read this, we’re with you!

Enjoy the comics, and let us know @GodHatesGeeks or our fanpage on Facebook as to which one of these you’re reading.

Happy shoveling!



POWERS #1 - Icon
POWERS #1 – Icon
"Christ"-ine Manzione @christinedoes3D
“Christ”-ine Manzione
@christinedoes3D

The brainchild of Brian Michael Bendis (Miles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man) and Michael Avon Oeming (The United States of Murder Inc.), Powers #1 is an excellent introduction to those who haven’t yet read this superhero-crime series, and the perfect hype to the PlayStation Network-produced show of the same name. Issue 1 places the focus on Detective Deena Pilgrim, who’s a rising star in the business of apprehending Powers— humans with a genetic alteration that grants them physics-defying abilities. A mass murder on a cruise ship filled with extremely affluent passengers is her new lead, where the probability of death being caused by Powers is about 99.9%; but being that there are so many new Powers cropping up, the task of finding out whodunit is a bit daunting. That’s where the gritty, seasoned partner comes in! We meet Christian Walker in a strip club, where his police captain is begging him to rejoin the force; he’s dealt with more than his fair share of Powers perps in the past. Even though Walker’s response is an adamant “no,” if the cover is any indication, we should be seeing him come around soon. The airy rapport between detectives and panel layout both play well into the crime drama and I can definitely get behind both the comic and PSN series. 4/5 Badges.




ZOMBIES vs. ROBOTS #1 - IDW
ZOMBIES vs. ROBOTS #1 – IDW
"Bishop" Richard Zom @eyebzombie
“Bishop” Richard Zom
@eyebzombie

Nothing more wonderful in this world can surpass quirky 80’s action movie/ Scifi goodness like Zombies vs. Robots. Yes, Yes, Yes– I know the cheese factor is off the charts, but that is what makes this so good!

It’s like Desert Punk meets Appleseed, meets Mad Max.

All the elements are there, though the storyline isn’t all that grand just yet. The grainy artwork of Anthony Diecidue (Moriarty) has that homage to Japan anime mech. If anything, the Zom himself chiefly feels like ZomvRob channels Tank Girl within these pages, with the Zombies something to describe– let alone understand. I’m actually looking forward to other issues just on the artwork alone. Bring on the Undead machine!!!! Log on to co-creator Chris Ryall‘s profile, Download, eat brains, Program the dead. You never know whom will come out on top The blood, bones, and brains, or the bolts, gears, and servers. It’s gonna be a hard-drive to see whom rules the Motherboard called Earth. The Antivirus vs The Virus:

This is sooo gonna rock. 3.75/5 Mutated Monitors.




ALL-NEW X-FACTOR #20 - Marvel
ALL-NEW X-FACTOR #20 – Marvel
"The Apostle" Lance Paul @Lance_Paul
“The Apostle” Lance Paul @Lance_Paul

A little read comic closes out a writing meccas run on the series that made him a name. Peter David’s (Any good X-Factor or Hulk comicthe last 20+ years) All-New X-Factor barely hits issue 20 before its unfortunate demise due to a reshuffling at Marvel and lackluster sales. With Marvel’s Secret Wars soon upon us, little read comics will be getting canceled and X-Factor is just the first to take the brunt of things.

A major appeal of this All-New X-Factor was that it seemed to exist on its own, with a government sponsored team of Mutants making a difference. David continued his run of eccentricities which has always brought him such critical acclaim as a comic writer. So what went wrong? What doomed this book? In this Traveling Nerd’s humble opinion, it was the wrong choice of artist taking over with Carmine Di Giandomenico and the lack of strong returning characters. Never has a nerd seem such a bright assortment of colors and art misplaced on a brand since the psychedelic days of the 70’s. Also, the fans that did carry over from the previous installment were forced to trade in their brooding carefree multiplicity detective with a smile for a brooding green haired bipolar crazy.

The final issue does tie up some plot threads and leaves the door open for future narratives with the Serval Industries sponsored superhero team. Plus, with Spider-Man 2099 already shown in Secret Wars 2.0 these plot points will hopefully play a part in the larger picture soon. This may have not been my favorite run by David, but his writing will be sorely missed till he graces another hero with his voice.

All-New X-Factor #20 = 2.75 Bibles. All-New X-Factor Entire Run = 3 (out of 5) X's.
All-New X-Factor #20 = 2.75 Bibles.
All-New X-Factor Entire Run = 3 (out of 5) X’s.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




IVAR, TIMEWALKER #1 - Valiant
IVAR, TIMEWALKER #1 – Valiant
"Heirophant" Luke @LUKEPOISONER
“Heirophant” Luke
@LUKEPOISONER

Valiant rolls out their first “new” title in the Valiant Next event with Ivar, Timewalker; reuniting Archer and Armstrong alumni Fred Van Lente (Incredible Hercules) and artist Clayton Henry (X-Men: Apocalypse vs. Dracula) for a high-spirited and hilarious romp through time. Ivar, the dashing, debonair older brother of Valiant stars Aram (Armstrong) and Gilad (The Eternal Warrior), is also an immortal; but whereas his brothers fixate on living life and fighting, respectively, Ivar rides the “naturally occurring Time-arc” portals throughout history with the help of his trusty “Tachyon Compass”. Ok?

If it all sounds a little Doctor Who, it’s because it is; but that’s not a bad thing. Having an ersatz Doctor character running around your universe is usually a good thing (example: John Constantine); and the rich Valiant lore that this story is steeped in (check out the Rai cameo in the 39th century) has resulted in a still-unique and interesting addition to sci-fi/superhero mythos. And funny. Fred Van Lente brings all of the humor his work is known for, and providing a neat counterpoint to his characterisations on work on Archer and Armstrong and The Delinquents with a fiercely intelligent, seemingly-in-control protagonist for a change of pace (that pace being: high octane chase sequence for most of the issue). An excellent first iussue, and as usual; Make Mine Valiant. 4.5/5 Brother’s Keepers.




SNAKE EYES: AGENT of COBRA #1 - IDW
SNAKE EYES: AGENT of COBRA #1 – IDW
Alex "Vicar" Gradet @gradet
Alex “Vicar” Gradet
@gradet

You know something? I thought I was gonna hate this. Most of my adult revisitations to GI Joe haven’t gone great – not just because of the limits of nostalgia, but come on, the recent movies were just balls – so teeing up to another dark/gritty interpretation of the kind of silly red laser/blue laser antics of Joe and Cobra didn’t sound that great. Leave it to Mike Costa (Hack/Slash) and Paolo Villanelli (Dr. Who: The Tenth Doctor) to change my mind for me with GI Joe: Snake Eyes – Agent of Cobra. Look past the unwieldy title, and you’ll find a solidly written espionage tale centered on an self-pitying and paranoid Destro, at a loss in the semi-titular terror organization now run by his former underlings. Sworn to his service is Snake Eyes, of all people, whom Destro sends on an urgent mission, all while uncertain whether he can take the famously mute ninja at his non-word. The deception doesn’t stop there, with Snake Eyes’s motivations remaining murky throughout, but in the span of 20-odd pages, Costa’s script packs more intrigue than pretty much the whole run of the GI Joe animated series (or as we called it then, “cartoon”). Imbued with ambivalence and resignation by Villanelli, Destro is content to reminisce and lick his wounds, and even as I’m reading this description, I’m as surprised as you are at the depth of this tenth spin-off of a comic adaptation of a cartoon of a toy line. Yo Joe, you guys. Yo Joe. 4/6 Sigmas.

DEATHSTROKE vs. (AXIS) HOBGOBLIN / ARKHAM MANOR [Face-Off Review]: Orange is the New…

In this week’s Fistful of Comics, it’s a Halloween Fight to the Finish!!!

DEATHSTROKE #1 - DC Comics
DEATHSTROKE #1 – DC Comics
Danny "Dangerous Disciple" IG @danielw_w
Danny “Dangerous Disciple”
IG @danielw_w

Slade? SLADE?! SLAAAAAAAAAAAADE!?!? The original sword-swinging, gun-slinging, ninja master of disaster, Slade Wilson (not WADE WILSON; Sorry Marvel fanboys) a.k.a. Deathstroke is back in his own ongoing series — and Good Gawd Almighty, is he EVER back.

Deathstroke #1, both written and drawn by Tony Daniel (Batman, Superman/Wonder Woman) starts off the series with a bang and a whooooole lot of blood gore and death, with Slade Wilson certainly coming off as what we call in wrestling, “a Tweener Face”. Someone who isn’t a clean-cut do-gooder, but not exactly a homicidal maniac– a far cry from Wilson’s previous incarnation as a sorta creepy archvillain of a teenage group of superheroes. Weird. In any case, Slade is more than likely going to be killing off people who are bigger baddies than he is.

If this first issue is any indication, expect great things from this title. With a slight ‘reboot’ at the end of the issue, there’s plenty to sink your teeth into and discuss with your fellow apostles and geeks everywhere. 4/5 Manu Bennetts.




AXIS: HOBGOBLIN #1 - Marvel Comics
AXIS: HOBGOBLIN #1 – Marvel Comics
"Cardinal" Roberto de Bexar @RobBex2
“Cardinal” Roberto de Bexar
@RobBex2

Has one of Spider-Man’s greatest foes finally gone legit?? With the Marvel event tie-in, AXIS: Hobgoblin #1, Mad TV and Robot Chicken alum Kevin Shinick’s writing is just so spot-on it hurts. Rodrick Kingsley has indeed gone “legit”. But! I use quotation marks for a very good reason: He goes legit FOR MORE MONEY!! Kingsley has branded his costume and persona and has marketed it out to the masses as a ponzi scheme. Shinick stays true to who Kingsley is so much so that you’d think he had been writing him since the very beginning. With the Goblin King’s voice — and sinister smerk — popping off the pages, every bad infomercial you’ve ever seen at 3 in the morning gets wrapped up in a few panels.

But the best compliment to Shinick’s writing is, of course, the artwork of Javier Rodriguez (Daredevil, Superior Spider-Man). Rodriguez just has a way of bringing out the best of whoever he is sketching for; few books out there have this synergistic vibe between the artist and writer. The cinematic, albeit comical Silver Age style performs as though I’m watching the storyboard for a movie played out in my hands. Although I have no idea what AXIS is going to bring about with Mr. Hobs, I’d love to see more from this team — and the Goblin King! — since it’s very much in the realm of Fraction and Aja’s Eisner-winning Hawkeye. And that’s best damn compliment I can give this pre-Halloween treat. 4/5 Pumpkin Bombs.




ARKHAM MANOR #1 - DC
ARKHAM MANOR #1 – DC
"Christ"-ine Manzione - @christinedoes3d
“Christ”-ine Manzione – @christinedoes3d

Wayne Manor has become a veritable collection of Gotham’s finest filth. Dubbed “Arkham Manor” in Mayor Hady’s attempt to move the prisoners out of the city’s baseball stadium, Bruce and Alfred have relocated to an apartment, while all the baddies Batman worked tirelessly to confine now get to enjoy his digs– well, until they turned the manor into a bloodbath. Now, Bruce has to play both investigator and infiltrator on murders taking place in his own home.

An interesting first issue, I enjoyed the writing in Arkham Manor #1 a fair bit more than the art. While the ambience was handled well with a muted color palette, something about Shawn (Fantomex MAX) Crystal‘s illustration wasn’t for me. Lack of pupils in quite a few panels left characters with a deadened look where I just would’ve liked a little more expression. Gerry (Deadpool) Duggan‘s words shine, from his dialogue between characters to his inner Bat-monologues. I would actually love to see not only where he can take the following issues of Arkham Manor, but what he could do with a dedicated Arkham novel. Arkham Manor #1 proved to be an entertaining pick-up this week and I will absolutely be following the series. From the beginning, seeing the transformation of Wayne Manor into a prison and to the end, a great twist on how Bruce plans to enter the ranks of Gotham’s captives. 3.75/5 Batarangs.




FATHER'S DAY #1 - Dark Horse
FATHER’S DAY #1 – Dark Horse
Alex "Vicar" Gradet @gradet
Alex “Vicar” Gradet
@gradet

After profiling umpteen neo-noir letdowns in these pages, you can’t imagine my relief on cracking open Father’s Day, to find it coming out of the gate relaxed, lean and badass. Hats off to writer Mike Richardson (47 Ronin) and artist Gabriel Guzmán (Star Wars: Dark Times), whose first issue plays with elements of genre barnburners from Bourne to Commando to Léon with wit and economy. Starting from the opening frames — a spider on a sliding glass door, dwarfing the seascape beyond — Richardson and Guzmán gracefully set the tone for bad things to come, in a gradually escalating blend of action and comedy. And come those bad things do: first in the form of Denise, showing up on the doorstep of the Father who abandoned her years earlier, announcing her own existence and her mother’s death to him with a gutpunch. The next bad things through the door are the actual bad guys chasing Father; it seems he’s got a shadowy past, which has caught up to him, unwittingly thanks to Denise’s snooping. After a brisk chase, using the bare minimum of pages and panels to develop the characters, we get some background on the Father that raises more questions than it answers. I won’t spoil the last action beats, except to say that the story clicks together with a no-fuss satisfaction that has me eager for issue #2. 4/5 Bibles.




CATWOMAN #35 - DC
CATWOMAN #35 – DC
"Priestess" Eva Ceja  @evaceja
“Priestess” Eva Ceja @evaceja

I recently received two cats in my home the other day: My new kitten Kilgore Trout and DC Comics’ Catwoman #35! My life is just a ball of catnip these days. #hairball However, award-winning novelist Genevieve Valentine (Mechanique: A tale of the Circus Tresaulti) and Garry Brown (The Massive) in conjunction with DC Comics, have brought on a new crime boss in Gotham, Selina Kyle a.k.a. Catwoman. This feline is no hairball. She embraces her criminal side as she inherits the thrown from her crime boss family. Can this new dark side capture the fearful hearts of Gotham? Or will Selina fall back into her crime fighting pace when an old pal visits… (i.e. Brucey Bruce). This is a fun new take on Catwoman that really makes her a strong character, not to mention resemble the HECK out of Anne Hathaway (approve!). I would have liked to see Miss Annie in a little more action in the catsuit, but I am excited to see what the new issues brings for Gotham’s head nemesis. They try to compare her to the leader of England, Elizabeth I, but I feel as though maybe Selina will come back to the side she knew before and fight alongside her desired bat-toy. One can only dream. Kudos to artist Brown for making Batman oh-so-kissable, with just a touch of man scruff. I will sleep well tonight. #mancrush 4/5 Bibles.

GAMESCOM ’14 [Full Clergy Reaction]: A not so ‘Silent’ Konvention!

When E3 (the Electronic Entertainment Expo) is over; we’re not. Gamescom may take place in Cologne, Germany, but GHG is all over the event like AJ Lee on a tatted-up, straight edge guy from Chicago. Though second in overall popularity, Gamescom IS second to only the Asia Game Show in terms of total attendance– so you just know game publishers and devs were doing their best to bring their A-games.

I’d even argue that even more important announcements were made this month than in June. The coming together of Metal Gear Solid creator Hideo Kojima, Pacific Rim director Guillermo del Toro, and The Walking Dead‘s Norman Reedus — for Silent Hill, bitches! — was indeed one of the many big splashes that took place last week. And, Gamescom is even lengthier than San Diego Comic-Con: 5 Days.

Take note, E3.



"Reverend" Ryan Ford @nayrdrof
“Reverend” Ryan Ford @nayrdrof

FAR CRY 4 (PlayStation 4/3, Xbox One/360, PC) – If this video game was subtitled “Terms of Endangerment”, I would not be surprised. Set in the Himalayas, perils abound as your character makes their way through some tough terrain, eventually landing in Shangri-La where the drug induced voodoo begins. Based on the many flying sequences featured in the trailer, I’m assuming the hang glider will be around again along with what looks like a “Lil’ Nelly” type helicopter or perhaps a jet pack. Then there’s the wildlife. Always a big part of the series, Far Cry 4 shows us tigers, snow leopards, rhinos, honey badgers and even ride-able elephants. Did someone say rampage? Also, look out for yetis.

Available November 18th from Ubisoft/Ubisoft Montreal.




"Cardinal" Brooks FB @Gary Brooks
“Cardinal” Brooks
FB @Gary Brooks

UNTIL DAWN (PlayStation 4) – Nothing like announcing a game, then giving us TWENTY-FOUR DAMN MINUTES of it! The first impression for Supermassive’s new survival horror was all that and then some. Until Dawn follows a group of 8 teenagers as they spend the night in a log cabin on the anniversary of the death of one of their friends, unaware that they are being hunted by a crazed serial killer. I’ve always been a fan of all things scary — with the exception of the “Macho Moody” Monsignor — and I love the B-movie slasher film idea for a video game. Why did it take so long for someone to fully realize this? Seems like a gimme with survival horror (i.e. Resident Evil, The Evil Within) being as popular as they are. The game runs on a modified version of the Killzone: Shadow Fall engine and includes a “Butterfly Effect” mechanic: Yup– literally 100s of gameplay endings. Dawn also seems to follow that old tried-and-true slasher film formula. Prepare to scream, fellow parishioners.

No set date just yet from Sony/Supermassive.




"Bishop" Zom @eyebzombie
“Bishop” Zom
@eyebzombie

ASSASSIN’S CREED UNITY (Xbox One, PS4, PC) – Assassin’s Creed has come along way over the years, and Ubisoft has not done much to let us down with the franchise. From E3 to Comic-Con to the newest footage from Gamescom, Unity looks to be the finest hour for the development team. The amazing open world of France shall only further immerse players, as we now have several more choices over how we play and strategize. Perhaps most impressive is the new stealth ability, which allows us to finally hone enough QUIET skill to become an Assassin worthy of the Guild. The newly integrated parkour climbing and walking integration makes the game so fluid that you’ll finally visualize off que wall runs or corner grabs when chasing down a thug. The 4-player co-op gameplay makes for awesome times ahead, breaking up the monotony of AC’s traditional multiplayer. In a French Revo-world so divided, are you ready for Unity?

Available October 28th from Ubisoft/Ubisoft Montreal.




"Papa Justified" Spencer  @Whizbang813
“Papa Justified” Spencer
@Whizbang813

BLOODBORNE (PS4) – The latest From Software Game Formerly Known As Project Beast is quickly becoming the best reason to pick up a PlayStation 4 next year. Demon’s Souls and Dark Souls director Hidetaka Miyazaki’s next game is as imaginative and as oppressive as his previous games. A transforming weapons system -– wherein a smaller butcher blade can extend into a longer but slower sword — evolves the combat from his previous titles. There is still a clear comparison one could make between Bloodborne and the Souls series, which still makes this a must-own PS4 exclusive.

No set date just yet from Sony/From Software.

 




"Minister" Gabe @Gooberade
“Minister” Gabe
@Gooberade

LEGO BATMAN 3: BEYOND GOTHAM (P4/3, X1/360, PC, Wii U) – Even with my love of all things Batman and DC, the LEGO Batman series never really caught my attention. I like my Batsy how I like my coffee: Dark, bitter, and arguably not for kids (unless you take out the whiskey). So, Gamescom decided to roll out some more Bat-caffeine…even if its just a mere sample of Cyborg, Flash, and We-ran-out-of-costume-ideas-Batman dicking-around in the Batcave for 6-minutes, trying on different outfits like it’s Brucie’s Dreamhouse. And (spoiler-alert!) Cyborg turns into the washing machine, shooting out lasers just like the Maytag Ma’ and Pa’ used to own. From what I’ve seen, the pull for this game is the vast amount of recognizable DC characters, each with their own fully developed character flavor, and showing off just how expansive the Lego DCU has become. It looks like a lot of fun, and if your favorite DC character is less obscure than Stargirl, chances are you’ll finally get to play as them. (One day, Kyle Rayner… one day…)

No set date just yet from WB/Traveller’s Tales.




"Brother" Matt McGrath @bendsteelnhands
“Brother” Matt McGrath
@bendsteelnhands

CIVILIZATION: BEYOND EARTH (PC) – Games like Civilization are not everyone’s cup of tea. His Holiness, Monsignor Moody’s, reaction to the latest installment in the Civ franchise was: “Like watching grass grow — but OK.” I’m not a gamer, but I loved Civ 4. I could spend hours into the early morning playing “just one more round.” Civ 5, I thought too a game at peak complexity and drilled down too far. Maybe my time playing into the night had passed. I ignored it and moved on. Nostalgia brought me back here, and I was prepared to hate it. I have to say, I don’t think that this would be like watching grass grow. There’s new challenges and there’s new complexity, but it doesn’t seem to drill down and become myopic. This might be the first game I buy in a decade.

Available October 24th from 2K/Firaxis.




"Brother" Myke @onemyke
“Brother” Myke
@onemyke

DESTINY (X1/360, PS4/3) – As a PC gamer who hasn’t been able to play any Bungie since the first two crappy Halo ports, it’s hard not to get excited by any type of coverage on Destiny — even if a PC version is still only rumored. Stil, this Gamescom trailer teases with the type of epic, sci-fi action I just can’t get enough of– whether its the footage of flying around the world on those hoverbikes, or massive encounters like the brief glimpse of that assault on a ship battle with that huge wave of baddies. My left hand is already on the W,A,S,D keys. That being said, this is really just the video game equivalent of those thirty-second TV spots for movies. We’ve already heard from the countless people who play the beta and Activision knows we’re going to buy the game; this trailer is just letting us know when.

Available September 9th from Activision/Bungie.




"Apostle" Lance Paul @Lance_Paul
“Apostle” Lance Paul
@Lance_Paul

DEAD ISLAND 2 (X1, PS4, PC) – Who doesn’t love some carefree zombie-bashing? Allow your favorite “Traveling Nerd” to scoop you in: I was a huge fan of the first Dead “Not so Lonely” Island. And, it was not for pure gameplay brilliance or faultless graphics; but rather for the sheer creative island zom-mauling (sorry, Bishop!). DI had that touch of originality in an undead world. Though I stomached through a pseudo sequel that was more of a DLC package, this Marvel Apostle Zombie can tell right off the bat that this fresh development team, Yager (Spec Ops: The Line), is refreshing the “undead island” slaughterfest with the not-so-islandic sunny coast of Cal. After a very meak E3 conference, the charge led by Max and his boy wonder — Rick the furry cat — appears far more promising after this footage. You can now go multiplayer campaign through the hills of Hollywood, the San Fran Pier, and the beachy LA wesside. If nothing else, this Californian nerd is just biting at the bit for one sun-baked Grand Theft MacGyver electric-shotgun blasting adventure!

No set date just yet from Deep Silver/Yager.




"The Christian" Seufert @chrisseufert91
“The Christian” Seufert
@chrisseufert91

THE ORDER: 1886 (PlayStation 4) – Here’s the thing I like about The Order: 1886: It’s cool. Plain and simple, hearing Nikola Tesla monologue about a “secret order of knights who answer only to history” is just fucking cool. No denying that. I mean, this trailer gave me everything I wanted: Tesla, the beginning of the industrial revolution, monsters (werewolves?), and just enough mystery to keep me wanting — no, begging — for more. The trailer promises a strong mix of COD style gunplay and dark, twisted pseudo-science. In addition to an ominous score and dooming message. With its Underworld feel, I also have a soft spot for games that play around with history in their own twisted way (see: Assassin’s Creed) and I feel like not enough is done in this vain. The Order looks like it’s gonna satisfy this “history” need that permeates my gaming appetite, and the footage from Gamescom did nothing but amplify that anticipation.

Available February 20th from Sony/Ready At Dawn.




"Sister" Jenn @JenniferFlatebo
“Sister” Jenn
@JenniferFlatebo

THE SIMS 4 (PC) – I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Really?” Yes!! I’ve been in love with The Sims franchise since it launched in 2000. Sure, it’s basically an adult dollhouse; but with each launch a world of possibilities opens up. For the fourth, the creators not only made sure to pour on the realm of emotion, but also gave builders the ability to mold your Sim with a quick move of the mouse and a flick of the wrist. This makes me feel like a wizard! I’ve already downloaded the Create-A-Sim demo and tried these sweet features myself. Creating and moving houses is also much easier; no need to completely demolish what you did and start over. I’m now locked, armed and ready to create weirder sims and plop them into a house and watch the show. September cannot get here fast enough.

Available September 2nd from Electronic Arts.




"Pastor" Bill FB @Bill Ammon
“Pastor” Bill
FB @Bill Ammon

NHL 15 (X1/360, PS4/3) – I didn’t think I could get anymore excited for this game than I already was. Thanks, Gamescom. NHL 15’s graphics look unbelievable, with next-gen player detail better than ever. Hell– even if you’re not a hockey fan, I’m willing to bet this trailer will get you interested. The shooting, fighting, trash talk, and fan display all have you pumped up for one of the greatest sports games in EA franchise history. My highlight? Of course, being a Beantown homer, watching Marchand tossle with another player into the penalty box is a highlight. Better yet, the finish of this footage stomps the famed “Zombie Nation”…just in time for coverboy Patrice Bergeron to take a penalty shot. Of course, he buries the wrister to win the game. After watching this trailer, I feel like us EA NHL “die-hahds” have finally won, too.

Available September 9th from EA Sports/EA Canada.




"Monsignor" Moody @travmoody
“Monsignor” Moody
@travmoody

QUANTUM BREAK (Xbox One) – Fooled ya, didn’t I? Yeah, it was a basic toss-up between this time-shattering Microsoft exclusive and the next Skyrim, Dragon Age: Inquisition, but since I already picked that deliciousness back in our PrE3 piece, why not go with Jack Joyce? This game is sorta what would happen if Max Payne was caught in The Matrix— except a whole lot more physically dangerous, as too many Star Trek and X-Men movie plotholes cause Bruce Willis, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Tom Cruise to Live, Die, Loop all in the most fucked-up time-crash ever once fathomed. So, as witnessed in the kick-ass gameplay demo, our not-so-quiet detective does his best Mick Jagger (OH YES IT IS!) to steer those Monarch foes half-past-noon to 1pm to half-past-noon again. Full of explosions, almost-explosion time stutters, and plenty of gameplay, Break‘s technical quandary — with plenty of leeway — is a next-gen advancement that this Monsignor bo-lieves fans will embrace. #bulletimeonacidkid

No set date just yet from Microsoft/Remedy for the game and its live-action accompaniment.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4ony2r0QFs

"Templar" Mark TBD
“Templar” Mark
TBD

THE WITCHER 3: WILD HUNT (PS4, X1, PC) – Now this footage looks downright amazing. From the Downwarren — and now downDEATHen villagers — to The Lady of the Woods, the combination of chilling atmosphere (that blends just enough shadow and light to the massively realistic countryside), well-timed battle tunes (willowing violin strings, umtempo drums, and soaring village vocals), and eerie swamp witches and were-monsters Geralt must slay makes this my most anticipated game of 2015. Dark magic was certainly in the air in Cologne.

Available February 24th from WB/CD Projekt RED.

 




"Deacon E" Esko @EskoBTS
“Deacon E” Esko
@EskoBTS

THE EVIL WITHIN (X1/360, PS4/3, PC) – Ever since Fallout 3, I’ve been ready, willing and able to support anything Bethesda releases. The Evil Within has not only impressed me, but the trailer alone has filled my pants with fearful feces. In other words, it’s so scary, I shat my pants. Despite the release of several survival horror games over the years, it has been quite sometime since I’ve seen or played a game that felt legitimately frightening. I cannot wait to play this game in the dark and be frozen with fear until the sun comes up. The graphics, the realism, the enemies. All of them contribute to the horrific environment that sucks you into the creepy, suspenseful, and murderous world. I got so lost in watching the gameplay — that even ran an hour-and-twenty! — that I forgot, at times, that I was watching a video game and not a blockbuster horror film. Expect this to be Deacon E’s favorite game of 2014.

Available October 14th from Konami/Tango.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb5RWjZiW8o

Ryan "Salvation" Scott @radio_adventure
Ryan “Salvation” Scott
@radio_adventure

HALO 5: GUARDIANS (Xbox One) – Even the most casual of gamers owes a lot to the Halo franchise, if for no other reason than it probably took you shit-talking skills to the next level. For long time fans, Halo 5: Guardians will be a spartan flavored cocktail of both new and old. Bungie isn’t involved, which may have caused some doubt, but this footage is encouraging. Sure, every Halo campaign has provided a night or two of fun between friends but let’s be honest: It’s always been about the multiplayer. From the footage we can discern that if you’re a fan of the classic Halo multiplayer, you’re in luck. This is plain and simple 4-on-4 carnage in seemingly well-designed maps with the proper customization available. Old school Halo style with updated graphics and a few bells and whistles = exactly what we want.

Beta available November 11th with Microsoft/343’s Halo: Master Chief Collection.




"The Dutchess" Darling @taffetadarlin
“The Dutchess” Darling
@taffetadarlin

CALL OF DUTY: ADVANCED WARFARE (X1/360, P3/4, PC) – Sticking to originality, I’m going with the game I picked earlier for GHG’s PrE3. So, yeah, there’s no secret that your Dutchess adores this franchise; and with every new leak and teaser, this hungry war dog was left salivating. A few things of note: The return of the custom score streak, which allows this soldier to load up– rather than being forced to use something pre-set. Teammmates can now join you for this mode. Another something new to COD is the Exoskeleton, which — from watching this multiplayer demo — allows players to run faster, jump higher and have cloaking ability! Even if it DOES remind a certain someone of some game without HALF the title, I can’t wait to test this out. And although it’s hard to tell at this point, let’s just assume these upgrades will play out along the lines of juggernaut. To finish, it appears the game’s art and concepts have improved and the maps will have far more to explore and explode.

Available November 4th from Activision/Sledgehammer.




"Heirophant" Luke  IG @lukepoisoner
“Heirophant” Luke
IG @lukepoisoner

SUNSET OVERDRIVE (Xbox One) – From the studio that brought you the Resistance and Ratchet & Clank series comes Sunset Overdrive; a brightly-colored madcap third person shooter that looks like the bastard child of Jetset Radio and Saints Row 3, with mutant enemies straight out of House of the Dead. Overdosed on Red Bull, of course. Armed with a blaster gun, your character blasts, leaps, and rollerblades his way through the end of the world as we know it; carving and rail-sliding around the level like an old Tony Hawk clone while shooting his ray gun at the plethora of swarming enemies. Keeping on the move seems to the name of the game, separating it from the more militaristic shooters. This is all a guess. Sunset Overdrive looks crazy, and I really have no idea what I just watched. Should be fun.

Available October 28th from Microsoft/Insomniac.




"Dynast" Dana Keels IG @hatandwand
“Dynast” Dana Keels
IG @hatandwand

MIDDLE-EARTH: SHADOW OF MORDOR (X1/360, PS4/3, PC) – I’ve had my eye on this game for a minute now for a few reasons. Huge Tolkien fan, but mainly the Nemesis system– a supposed game mechanic that molds each individual enemy according to your encounters with them. This means a low level orc you may have fought with early in your adventure can resurface later on, having adapted to your battles in the past. The system sounds incredible, but we’ll see for sure if its as intricate as they’re touting. The footage shown at Gamescom looks gorgeous and the atmosphere is beautiful. It really conveys a sense of depth and scope that this Dynast hope is executed beautifully in the full game. And with Troy Baker lending his voice and motion capture skills to the main character, Tailon, it’d be crazy for me NOT to pick this game up.

Available September 30th from Warnber Bros./Monolith.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8AMw5Asct4

Danny "Dangerous Disciple" IG @danielw_w
Danny “Dangerous Disciple”
IG @danielw_w

METAL GEAR SOLID V: THE PHANTOM PAIN (PS4/3, X1/360, PC) – A lighter side of this year’s Gamescom showcased what very different and new things can be done with the formerly one-dimensional cardboard box Snake has used to hide in for decades. If the player feels like confusing the enemy, a cardboard cutout of one of the opposing soldiers can be placed on the box, thus possibly making your enemies shrug it off as an ally (cheeky, classic Metal Gear). If you feel the need to arouse your foes, a pin up model can be placed on the box as well, causing enemies to stop and stare longingly at the buxom beauty. Another new addition is being able to shoot from inside the box aswell as exploding out and laying a serious smackdown on anyone foolish enough to approach you. Looks amazing, and can’t wait to see more from Kojima and MGS 5.

No set date just yet from Konami/Kojima.




"Christ"-ine Manzione - @christinedoes3d
“Christ”-ine Manzione – @christinedoes3d

SILENT HILL (X1, PS4, TBD) – Known for the game just above, Kojima has partnered with master storyteller Guillermo del Toro to bring us not “P.T.” — a clever ruse of a name a.k.a. the abbreviation of “playable teaser — but a new Silent Hill game! If you’ve played that friggen’ demo, you know these two aren’t screwing around. The playthrough (which could take hours if you’re too scared to explore) runs the gamut of scare tactics. We’ve got pop-out creatures, progressively darker corridors, fetid bathrooms, unintelligible moans; but the fact that everything feels so effortlessly scary is what sets Silent Hills apart from others in the genre. You’ll become very familiar with the looping hallway, with discoverable intricacies hidden throughout, hoping whatever you find will unlock the door to the next part of the loop. If you ever wanted to see me actually afraid to pick up a controller, now’s the time. I have far too much respect for the power couple that Kojima and del Toro could be and will brave god damn son of a bitch Pyramid Head just for them. Fun fact: beat the shit out of the demo and you’re treated to the cutscene that tells you the title, and… Oh yeah. The protagonist! Whose likeness happens to be that of The Walking Dead‘s Norman Reedus. Sign me the hell up to get some Silence up in these Hills.

No set date just yet from Konami/Kojima.

DESTINY [Beta Face-Off Review]: Destined (to buy), We Are.

Being one of GHG’s most anticipated titles this fall, the Destiny beta was something neither your Christ-ine or Templar couldn’t wait to dig in to. As long-time Halo loving, plasma grenade-tossing, tea-bagging bitches (yes even you, recently married man!), Bungie’s new IP has us both enthralled and undoubtedly wanting more…

CHRIST, I LOVE THIS GAME!

To be clear, while this isn’t Halo, the controls do feel very Halo-esque, something you’ll appreciate if you’re a fan of the franchise. Bungie’s penchant for creating an addictive multiplayer setting is given full reign here, as you’ll most likely be playing Destiny with two of your buddies.

Exploration and elimination of the Fallen is a ton of fun and can only be made better alongside your two favorite respawn jockeys.

Destiny-Beta-PS4-Impressions-Review
With unis like these, no one’ll see us.

My playthrough saw me as a Hunter (Titan and Warlock were available as well), with a hand cannon and sniper rifle. A progression bar at the bottom of your HUD indicates how close you are to leveling, and completing missions, headshots and all manner of things can attribute to that bar. The higher your level, the better loot or crafted items you can use.

The setting and atmosphere combined with the leveling system feel like… well… say Halo and Borderlands were together. Then Mass Effect comes along and has a baby with Borderlands. Just like that. Yeah– that’s one hell of a cute baby, ladies and gents.

Destiny-Beta-Screenshot-01
Runyon Canyon, circa 3052.

Getting into the intricacies of missions, you’ll have full capability to explore whatever you damn well please. I happened to find an underground base on my third or fourth mission, deviating from the compass goal, and Level ?? Fallen came out and wrecked me. In a way this is exciting, because we can potentially revisit these early battlegrounds at a higher level, and possibly find some crazy cool loot and shit.

I also found the end-of-mission, no-respawning “boss fights” to be pretty damn cool. Whenever that message pops up, it’s like an adrenaline rush and I’m down for a tough encounter. Not to mention the excellent Share function on PS4, so when your teammates lag out (it happened a bit during my time) you can share a nasty video where you wreck the opposition all. By. Yo’self.

cosmo_screenshot_2_1402388489
No mention of Star Wars?

The Tower is a cool hub world where you can get ship, weapon and armor upgrades and find the Crucible, Destiny‘s PvP mode. While I didn’t personally fight for glory, exploring the Tower was my mainstay in-between mission excursions. Merchants restock within the hour, and it’ll become a bad habit to wait on some new item you know you’ll want at some point. Your gear is fully customizable right down to pigmentation and I can’t stress enough how excited I am to try and create the Green Ranger with the available armors.

My people of the parish! I had a great time with the Destiny beta. There are some underlying issues that could deal with some polish, and I know Mark is all too eager to tell you about them, but for what it’s worth, I can’t wait for September 9th to get here so I can get the full experience. And my own personal Ghost nav voiced by Tyrion Lannister himself– Peter Dinklage?

GOD YES.

4.25 (out of 5) Bibles.
4.25 (out of 5) Bibles.

 

Christine Manzione @ChristineDoes3D
Christine Manzione @ChristineDoes3D

 

 

 

 

 

 


Uhh…”I’ll have what she’s havin’!”

Destiny is absolute amazeballs. Unfortunately, nothing is perfect and Bungie’s new masterpiece is no exception to that rule. Your Templar being the cynical bastard that he is, I have to inform you about the negatives of the game. Hey, it’s a beta; of course there’s some.

As soon as you create your character you start off in the ruins of Old Russia. The first enemies you fight are these.. high-tech aliens in cool-looking armor that shoot lasers and these little blue needle things at you— that can even track you behind some cover. Some of them can turn invisible and attack you with swords.

The next group of enemies that you get to fight are these.. organic enemies that have taken over the bodies of dead creatures in the world— and attack you in a space zombie rage. Bungie calls these enemies the Covenant and the Flood… wait… I mean the Fallen and the Hive!

40-7Z5cEUW
Beta Beta, gimme one more chance!

Although there are other enemies that you face later on in the game, you start off basically playing Master Chief. Way to go on originality! If you like to play PvP multiplayer shooters like Battlefield or Titanfall and you can’t wait to try out the multiplayer in Destiny… don’t buy it. The PvP is absolute garbage. Hell, the only reason to play is to try and get some of the cool gear you can only obtain with the points you earn. The levels are small, and matches are only 6 vs. 6.

Six on… six.

With the massiveness of this game it can only support a miniscule freaking multiplayer! Add the fact that absolutely nothing in the matches is destructible (I was trying to shoot someone in the face with a shotgun who was peering at me through a freaking glass window to no avail), and it just goes to show that the PvP arena in this game needs a MASSIVE overhaul for it to compete in the multiplayer market.

Disclaimer: When multiplayer was referred to in the previous paragraph the author was NOT talking about the cooperative multiplayer which is spectacular to the point of initiating an immense gamegasm of epic proportions.

destiny-spot3
Aim for the toes!

There are three classes you get to play as in Destiny. The Most High Christ-ine already listed what they are named, so let me tell you about the differences between them. During the beta we were only allowed to level up to a measly level 8. During this time, I was able to play as all three classes and let me tell you; the differences between the three classes ain’t jack, Jack.

Seriously, all three classes, at least as far as the beta goes, are almost completely identical. All three classes can use every weapon available in the game. There arent’t any armor or sniper damage skills handed out (at least as far as the beta showed). In fact, when you level up all three classes get more or less the same skill: grenade first, double jump, then melee bonus.

Sure, the Titan’s grenade will stun enemies where the Scouts will set them on fire; but the differences between classes are so subtle, they matter little.

277344-DT1
Stop! (In the Name of Glooooovve)

Some other aspects of this game that irritate my hemorrhoids are as follows:

-Destiny only takes place in our solar system. No taking the fight to the enemies’ home planets.

-The PvP is HORRIBLE!!!! Yeah, I just repeated that. That’s how much it sucks!

-No dogfighting with your bad ass ship! (at least not yet)

And that’s about it because this game is — otherwise — freaking amazingly awesome-sauce spectabularific!!!! Yes, Destiny’s so good I had to make up words to describe it, regardless of the negatives I have listed. Plus, with the expansions scheduled to come out (10 entire years’ worth of them!) who knows where this game will take us or what it will let us do. So Bungie… please take my money! You deserve it!

4 Bibles. (Fucking PvP).
4 Bibles. (Fucking PvP).

 

"Templar" Mark @TBD
“Templar” Mark
@TBD

 

 

 

 

 

Activision/Bungie’s Destiny hits both PlayStation 4 and Xbox One on September 9.