…but no Lucky Number Slevin for me in Last Vega$ this past weekend. Unless, of course, you want to talk about my second favorite player in the league (after Tom Terrific) in the Eagles #7 having a nice return to glory. What happened to dem boys on the field Thursday, Sunday and Monday?
Let’s get to it.
“Monsignor” Travis Moody: More TD’s were scored this week than any other week in the history of the NFL. As we should have all expected, it was a bizarre Week 1 in the NFL. Terrelle Pryor, Philip Rivers, Colin Kaepernick and Eli Manning had monster games slinging the rock, while all three of my “money” wide receivers combined for less points than my opponent’s kicker. Yes, the best in the game a.k.a. Calvin Johnson a.k.a. Megatron, the sure-shot Roddy White, and “the steal” of my draft, T.Y. Hilton, all had the worst games of their lives in Weak I. Guy(s), show me some love; I could use a hug…
Guy “Padre” Copes III: Just glad I’m not in last place. Can you imagine? That would be “lose to your girlfriend bad”. What? What did I say?
Billy “Mad Monk” Mau: The only thing you can hope for is to play her again later in the season so you can even it out. If you play twice and she sweeps you, you have to dump her. As much as it hurts and as bad as it sounds, you cannot have a healthy relationship with that level of football inequality. If she sweeps you, you aren’t good enough for her and dumping her is the honorable thing to do as it will save her from growing weary of your amazing mediocrity years down the line. As for this week, nothing happened the way I thought it would. I went a big 0-6 on the league pick’em and Kap had a big day. I’ll pick him to fail all season long if this is going to be the result.
Moody: Smart man attacking yourself before we get the chance. Calling Kaepernick a “one year wonder” last week only deserves a “Come on, Man!” While Kap definitely avoided much of the run option all game and threw all over the Pack to 49er newcomer Anquan Boldin (who had the night of his life) and usual underachiever Vernon Davis (who simply angered everyone who had him last year), I’ll give you credit where credit is due. Robert Griffin III — do all good things come in III’s? — did what you expected. He had 19 Fantasy Points, which is pretty good, but didn’t really “go off” on Monday Night like many thought he would. But, at least he played and stayed in the pocket.
Guy: I think I also forgot to uncheck the “Self-Destruct” box on my starting players list. Alfred Morris played like he really wanted to be an Eagle, Cam Newton was obviously upset that his check didn’t clear, and Eric Decker just had to be the only Bronco not to catch a Peyton Manning TD. On my beloved Skins, following my initial calls for Kirk Cousins to enter the game, Dan Snyder to draft AJ McCarron in 2014, RG III started ‘to look like, well RG III in the second half. I think they will be alright moving forward. I agree with you, Moody, he stayed healthy, stood in the pocket. He took some shots, but unlike someone on the opposite side of a Aaron Hernandez barfight, he bounced right back up. And to talk about Kap for a sec, outside of Peyton Manning’s God Loving Football performance, I thought he was one of the best players in week 1. So did Yahoo, thus the points.
Billy: RG3 had exactly 0 preseason game reps. I expected him to be rusty, but it was worse than I thought. His play in the second half was encouraging though. He and Pierre Garcon are going to make some people happy this season. My running back situation went from bad to worse with Shane Vereen going down. I didn’t start him because he’s 3rd on the depth chart anyway, but I would have put him in this week. The thing that sucks about Week 1 injuries is there isn’t enough info on the waiver wire yet. You’re gambling with FA moves right now, but I like LaGarrette Blount right now. Vereen is hurt and Ridley wasn’t all that last week (as well as banged up, too). That big Boise Punching Bastard has a chance to emerge.
Guy: I’m just hoping that Moody mediocrity lasts through Week 3 when the Snootchie Bootchies squad swaggers into the Batfleck Cave. Trash talk aside, looking around the waiver wire and trading block I see a lot of people with Don’t-call-us-we’ll-call-you pink slips. A lot of guys saying adios to failed draft picks and preseason shoulda beens.
Moody: What, like my “hero” tight end, Zach Dudfeld? Sorry, over usage of the Twitter “geniusness” of 753 other dweebs, but I couldn’t help it. Tom Brady chucked 49 passes and barely a look at the new kid. Then, today I discovered Sudfeld has a bad hammy…and that’s why, for the first time in years, Patriot #12 barely gave a look to any of the big guys down the middle. I’m glad Danny Amendola played through that bizarre injury, but now he’s all but ruled out for the Thursday night match-up against the J-E-T-S… LUCK LUCK LUCK. How in the hell did that pull that game off against Tampa? Anyway, I’m just glad my Batflecks were the “worst of the worst” and now I can pick up Julian Edelman to replace the possible Out-this-week Roddy White, considering he’ll get even more targets this week.
Billy: I’m hoping to grab a couple of people off the waiver wire, as well. Amandola is banged up, Dez Bryant sprained his foot and I just don’t have a second running back at this point. Which Week 1 Wonder do you think is most likely to be the real deal: Denver TE Julius Thomas, Washington WR Leonard Hankerson or Detroit RB Joique Bell? None is an acceptable answer, or anyone else you can think of.
Guy: Edelman huh? Somebody should check the waiver priority list. Mwuahahahahahaha. Btw, what was up with Rivers last night. He went off for 4 TDs. Glad he’s on my team. Wait, oh yeah, he was on the Bench…or should I say “the Pew.” The Padre has too many quarterbacks. But who to trade? Wacko Flacco or Phillip “Cry Me A” Rivers? Heck, who to start? Another player that surprised me a lot was Jared Cook out of St. Louis. He had a game any Meathead could be proud of.
Moody: Ahhh…Guess I got a little overexcited because of my record. Forgot we were going by activity, which is the way it’s supposed to be. Don’t want those “bottom feeders” McNabbing all the best players every week just because they suck (although, that person could be me). Btw, Guy, I play you in this coming week’s “Toilet Bowl,” so who’s looking at the wrong thing, now? As for Mr. Mau, he’s got a lot of walking wounded to shuffle around; it’s going to be a tough choice between Bell and Edelman. I can’t believe I might actually have to priotorize Kellen Winslow Jr. as my first free agent, the same former Patriot who I thought would become Hernandez before Aaron. So, unless you’re getting an “Alfred Morris,” Week 1 waiver pick-ups are so overrated.
Billy: It’s a crap shoot. The only safe waiver picks this week is anyone playing the Jags. But who am I to make these picks. I though Kap and Sproles on my team would fail and they did pretty well. Oh wait, but I was right on the money about Dez and CJ and Trent Richards and Shady McCoy last week. Still doesn’t make up for being 0-6 on the League Picks, which you can read down below if anyone has the audacity to do such a thing.
Guy: I hear you, Monk. I’m hoping Cam plays like Killa Cam and other guys shake off the offseason rust so that the BB-SB Battle For Last Place is one for the ages. Andre Roberts is probably going to get bumped up to starter this week and I’m looking for Boldin (Go Noles!) to have another solid outing. What are your thoughts on Gronk. Looks like another no-show game for him this Thursday. You still willing to hold onto him for the long haul?
Moody: Of course! If he comes back in Week 3, he will surely make up for Sadfeld and the misconceived thievary of Hilton Plaza Resort. All jokes aside, T.Y. did have more targets than former Raider bust/typical draft reach, Darrius Heyward Bay, so I’m looking for my trio to make a hella comeback. And, wait just a moment guys… how in the hell did we not namedrop PEYTON MANNING this week? Okay, Guy, so you did earlier. But, really… 7 TD’s… what the eff was that? The guy is on pace for over 100 TD’s! Ha! Even the 50 TD mark looks realistic since he’ll only need 2.8/game the rest of the way. Even at its unlikeliest, I’m very scared of the Savanna’s “Lefties” trade possibilities with her QB controversy. She could sell high for Peyton, or still receive a quality skill player for Tom. Derek may also have a similar situation if Vick can keep it up against the Chargers on an emotional loss in a short week. Chip Kelly’s putting the former Fantasy stallion in a place to dink, dunk and allow his athletic wideouts to do all the work, not to mention run for half-a-hun and a touchdown. Mr. Divine could sell higher than any other point in the season and keep Carson… Decisions/decisions…
Billy: I’m sticking to my long term prediction on Michael Vick. He was limping around the entire second half of that game last night. He will not last the season. If you have Vick, you sell high RIGHT NOW. Get him traded before Sunday. As for Manning, that’s what he does. I’m not shocked at all that he threw for 7 TDs against the unit Formerly Known As the Baltimore Defense. So long as he is not actively having neck surgery, this is what you expect from him. There is no reliable running game in Denver and there is no atmosphere in that stadium. Hell, they barely have gravity there. Anything less than 5,000 yards and 50 TDs this season would be failure for the mad rapper.
- The Mad Monk’s Fantasy Pick Em’s of the Week: Snootchie Bootchies will smoke the Batflecks, Lannister Lefties will Shanghai the Hong Kong Cavs (hmmm, that was vaguely racist), Seattle StuporSonics will give Greyskull the Bad Motorfinger, IheartJAG will lay a hating on Derek’s Disciples, Gryffindor Patronus will beat the gilly weed out of the Steady Mobbers, and the Puckish Rogues will be stocking up on hand sanitizer after they beat Off A Hobo. Last week/Season thus far: 0-6 (even though I lost to IheartJAG instead of The Teblows instead of The McPhailures, which surely doesn’t make it any better…).
- Moody’s NFL Week 2 Pick Em’s: Thursday night sees a much-tougher-than-expected victory — once again — for the Pats against the Jets (I’m a homer, too, Billy), Falcons over the Rams in a tough one, McCoy running all over a tired Chargers D (with both having a short week, but San Diego having to travel farther), Cowboys over the Chiefs, Colts over the Phins, Texans over the Titans, Pack attack over the Skins, Ravens getting some redempton this week over a nailbiter with the Brownies, Panthers steal one in Buffalo with a mean running game, Da Bears win another ugly one over the Vikings (Ponder just sucks), Saints over the Bucs, Megatron returns to Fantasy normality over the Cards, the Jags slip by the Raiders with a monster game from MJD, Eli keeps the picks to a minimum in my “Upset of the Week” in his Bro Battle over Peyton and the Broncos at home, the Niners grind one out on the road Sunday Night against the dangerous ‘Hawks, and the Bengals throw all over the Steelers on Monday Night. Week 1/Season thus far: 12-4.