Maybe I can be prone to hyperbole but.. NXT Takeover: R-Evolution was objectively the best show of the year, not for NXT, but under the entire WWE banner. Feel free to debate me on that and I will win.
More happened on one night at NXT R-Evolution than in the past 6-months on the main show. Top to bottom, the WWE Network “PPV” exceeded my already extremely high expectations, beginning with the long-anticipated debut of Kevin Owens. The debut of the man otherwise known as Kevin Steen resulted in a broken nose and ass whooping of a hippy. You got freaking luchadores against old timey strong men. And was anything nuttier than Finn Balor’s entrance and face/body paint?!?
Is that Licker from Resident Evil or Marvel’s Carnage?
On R-Evolution, fans also got to witness an amazing WOMEN’s title match (sans the word “Diva”) with two real wrestlers that can really go. Oh my GodHatesLee, I love watching Charlotte and Sasha wrestle. I enjoy the story they are telling, their characters, and most importantly the actual wrestling.
Unlike in the WWE, where women wrestlers (or big breasted models) primarily exist to either be crazy — or mere masturbation material for Kevin Dunn and Vince McMahon. Somehow in the bizarro NXT world, these girls are allowed the time and stage to show off their unique wrestling talent and personalities. I certainly understand that this concept may be a little too progressive and cutting edge for the writers in Connecticut.
Look, I haven’t been on a Ringside Apostles podcast in months so it’s Moses time to rant. And I kicked Ramses’ ass til Kingdom Come, so allow me to strut my stuff for God (even if he is a small, British brat).
If you’ve got The Network and haven’t watched Takeover: R-Evolution yet, I encourage you to watch this incredible show then watch TLC immediately after. Don’t think I’m just a WWE hater; I just really love pro-wrestling when its done right; I forgot how good it can be. Please give me a show with real characters and real motivations that.. wait for it.. actually take the time to tell a story in and out of the ring.
For one, WWE likes to forget what happens week to week because it believes mainstream America is a mentally challenged ADHD kid (although they are sorta half-right). Guys just do stuff without any thought and they forget about it in a week because, well, fuck it– nobody pays attention anyway. These Superstars are friends, then next week they are enemies with little or no explanation (Harper and Rowan for instance!). It’s nearly impossible to care about characters when there is no continuity with the story. Just saying.
Oh yeah, how about the fact that nothing important ever really happens or changes at WWE. It’s the same matches with the story stuck in neutral (i.e. Hey! How about we do the Usos vs. the Dust Brothers a million more times without any change to the outcome, the story, or the characters). In contrast, this NXT “PPV” show embodied the best of what pro wrestling could be.
Take Sami Zayn’s road to redemption story. Zayn was always great in the ring but was always considered too nice to win the big one. He keeps losing to his former friend Adrian Neville because Neville is willing to “do whatever it takes” to keep his title. Once Zayn realized that he needs to be a bigger dick than Neville to win the title, he really turned a corner– leading fans to Thursday night’s 30-minute classic of a main event. The match climaxes with the ref getting knocked out and Zayn having the opportunity to KO Neville with the belt — which Neville planned to use on him — but guess what? He is not John Cena or even Hogan in his day: Men who will do shitty things to people in order to get what they want.
Bashing this guy with the belt is not consistent with Zayn’s character. He really is a decent guy and on this show he is allowed to win his way. What a concept. He puts the belt down, almost loses, but finally comes back and wins with his signature Helluva Kick after 2-years of heart breaking failure. The Full Sail crowd loses their shit. There was grown men crying after this outcome. Hell, even your one and only wrestling messiah dropped a tear when Zayn’s old buddy Kevin Owens gave him what appeared to be a heartfelt hug…
Then WHAT DO THEY DO!?!? They tear your freaking heart out…
As Zayn’s old bestie Owens lingers a bit too long on the ramp, he goes and powerbombs Sami on the apron (I legitimately thought he shoot killed him there). He does this to a guy he was best friends with during the greatest moment of the dude’s career. That’s how you build a feud that people care about. So good.
Watch R-Evolution and tell me you don’t feel anything. While this moment was the end of the show, the entire program consisted of legitimately great storytelling and legitimately great wrestling. God bless you, Triple H, for this beautiful little place of wrestling heaven away from the cynical and confusing real world– also known as the WWE Universe.
WWE Table, Ladders, and Chairs Predictions for December 14th, 2014:
(Alternate titles: Survivor Series Recycled! Or how about just Killing Time!)
Hey wrestling fans, so I guess we are still doing Team Authority vs. Team Cena. Oh well, weapons may help this not suck. But there are some potentially fun matches, so let’s hope they bother to move some story lines forward.
New Day vs. Gold and Star Dust
Result: New Day’s traveling Minstrel Show (the happy, smiling, dancing black guy gimmick has to be Vince’s idea) wins cleanly. No worries, they will do this match again several hundred more times.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Luke Harper (Ladder Match for IC Title)
I wont lie, I’m super excited to see what these two great athletes will do on and off the ladder. Ziggler will be bumping like a MoFo.
Result: I know Harper just won the title but the WWE hates the IC championship so Ziggler wins it. The underdog overcoming the odds works well in a Ladder Match.
Miz and Mizdow vs. the USOS (Tag Team Championship)
Best thing on WWE right now: Miz and Mizdow. They are truly the babyfaces here especially since Jimmy Uso is coming off as borderline abusive towards Naomi (i.e. controlling, jealous, and refuses to allow her to have her own career). But as much as I’d like to see them move the Mizdow story forward, I am looking forward to the new creative way that Mizdow mirrors Miz.
Result: Jimmy Uso continues his transformation into Ike Turner. He loses his temper, puts the Miz through a table which allow Mizdow to put himself through a table.
Ryback vs. Kane (Chairs Match)
Ryback is getting the push. Lets see if his in ring work improves. Doesn’t have to here since he just needs to swing a chair really hard. It looks like Kane has little left in the tank.
Result: Ryback wins, shell shocking Kane on a couple of chairs.
Side note: Why is he still Corporate Kane with the Authority out of power? Maybe is just prefers wrestling in dress pants.
Big Show vs. Erick Rowan (Stairs Match)
WWE really wanted their babyface big man and they really pushed Rowan into the role seemingly with little regard to his history. Anyway this will be an incredibly slow, plodding match with the upstart winning.
Result: Rowan wins as Show trips over the stairs and is unable to continue.
Dean Ambrose vs Bray Wyatt
Could have built this feud better. You know beyond Wyatt making fun of Ambrose’s incarcerated dad and Dean breaking Wyatt’s magical rocking chair. Still, I’m looking forward to this match. Survivor Series was good and hard hitting. This SHOULD be incredibly violent and SHOULD bring down the house.
Result: Ambrose wins to even the series. They both go through a table and Ambrose barely gets the cover.
AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella (Divas Title)
AJ really has looked uninspired for as long as I can remember. Her Slammy speech further makes me think she will be gone soon. I suggest that fans should watch the Charlotte/Sasha Banks match on NXT R-Evolution (12/11/14) and then watch this match. It will tell you a lot about these two drastically different shows and how they view women.
Result: Nikki wins with twin magic or some bull shit (don’t rule out the diva roll up due to a distraction from Brie). AJ goes off to fight Ronda Rousey.
Jack Swagger vs. Rusev
Ran out of patriots so we circling back to Swagger. But I think Rusev is great in the ring and he (and Lana) have really gotten the most out of this tired/thin ass gimmick.
Result: Rusev wins with the Accolade. Ruzev drapes the American flag over his lifeless body and proceeds to take a giant dump on it. It could happen?!
John Cena vs. Seth Rollins (Tables Match)
The only reason this is happening is because the champ hasn’t bothered to show up. So we got a time-killer.
Result: Everything would seem to point to Cena keeping his number one contender spot in order to face Brock at Royal Rumble. How about Orton showing up and taking out Rollins allowing for Cena to AA Rollins through a table because– of course Cena is the good guy in this match.
You can catch the WWE’s TLC PPV on the WWE Network today (Sunday) for just $9.99!