This past Thursday (December 3rd), at the AMC Theater on 42nd Street in New York City, I…as I have every year, for as long as it has been an ongoing event…went to the RiffTrax Live holiday screening. This year, hosts Michael Nelson, Bill Corbitt, and Kevin Murphy, failed to disappoint. After the technical issues of October’s missed Miami Connection screening, this holiday event more than made up for it. Although the theater was half-full (I imagine the Union Square theater to which I usually go was full to capacity), and despite a bit of a strained start (Bill’s jokes, involving silly headgear and glasses, early on, fell a bit flat), this RiffTrax Live was probably the funniest in years.
Unlike most of the other live events, the energy grew as the night wore on, and by the end, I was laughing so hard I think I made the group of ten or so old people sitting in the row immediately behind me upset.
A series of parody songs and captions, killed time before the main event. After an introduction, the hosts lobbed into the first of three short films that preceded the feature. Each one grew increasingly more insane, with all only tangentially related to Christmas in any way, shape, or form (the final of the three shorts was basically an advertisement for Christmas Village, a defunct 1970’s amusement park, that was produced by Gordon Murray; who produced Santa Claus, which was mercilessly destroyed on both Mystery Science Theater, and RiffTrax Live, last year).
The first short was titled “Santa Claus’ Story”, in which Santa enters the home of a boy and girl; and rather than do any work, proceeds to tell them a story of how monkeys are like people. They dress up, have monkey holidays, and a monkey Santa Claus. It comes apropos of nothing, and in the end, it is the only thing Santa tells the kids. And then he leaves! And it is told in earnest…and it is totally insane!! And it is the least insane story of the entire night!!!
The second short was an early 1970’s adaptation of an Ogden Nash short story called “The Story of Custard the Dragon”. In it, the animal characters (a dog, a cat, a mouse, and a…dragon) are all played by kids in costume. And there is also a human girl who owns them. And a pirate. And…it’s set on Christmas Eve for some reason…and the animal/kids try to act like animals, but it’s really REALLY creepy because…they’re kids. And it has abso-shit-ley nothing to do with Christmas; and the type of film used for the production looks like some serial killer’s last-known-footage of their victims.
Like, we’re watching and thinking “Oh my God. They’re going to be killed!!!”
The final short was titled “Santa’s Village”, and was set in Santa’s Village, a short-lived amusement park that has since been shut-down after a series of lawsuits. There is no plot to speak of, only creepily-costumed animals (just people in hideous suits) walking around different areas of the park while an equally-creepy Santa follows them around just…laughing. Not with any mirth or joy, but almost as if all life and soul had left his body; and all he could do to stem the horror that is his own continued existence, is to bellow “Ho ho ho”. And then the short film just sort of…peters off to an abrupt end.
Now, following that trio of insanity, comes Santa Meets The Ice Cream Bunny. The plot is as follows: Santa is stranded on a beach. He calls for some kids to come help him, and, after several attempts to hook his sleigh up to 1) a horse 2) a cow 3) a pig 4) a terrified sheep and 5) a fucking gorilla that they somehow found…
…Santa sits the kids down to tell them the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk. Again, for no reason. The Jack and the Beanstalk sequence is so out of context and unnecessary, and it’s a musical (which, the hosts keep reminding us, is a story Santa is telling the kids. So, presumably, he’s singing as well). Rather than get up and try to do anything to help his situation, Santa just sits on his sleigh, on a beach (which is near a town, mind you…like, two blocks from that town), in the sun. He keeps his giant winter coat and hat on, and occasionally wears sunglasses that disappear and reappear in between shots (one of the recurring jokes involved any time Santa stood up and revealed his obscene sweat stains). And then the Ice Cream Bunny (one of the creepiest costumed mascots I’ve ever seen) appears driving a jalopy firetruck; and together Bunny and Santa drive off, leaving the kids alone on the beach.
Terrified yet? Feeling that Sisyphean pressure of trying to understand what in God’s name is happening in the film? Here I am, three days later, and I still feel the specter of that film following me. This film is like taking bath salts on Christmas Eve and wandering through the tinsel-covered center of town.
The hosts were firing on all cylinders this time out. More than once, the insanity of what they were watching became too much, and they couldn’t make any jokes, just break down into laughter. They’ve also managed to keep their energy not only high, but to actually make some of their best jokes towards the back half of the viewing. Having enjoyed their offered titles on Hulu, it seems as if the RiffTrax crew is most comfortable either having time to perfect their riffs (the RiffTrax for Tommy Wiseau’s The Room is classic hilarity from beginning to end), or keeping their live riffs best when it is a short film. Here, the feature film was the absolute best sequence of jokes.
Santa Meets The Ice Cream Bunny is the final installment of 2015’s RiffTrax Live schedule, titled “The Crappening”, and it is perhaps the best. The encore of Santa Meets The Ice Cream Bunny plays on Tuesday, December 15th, and this is the one title that would actually benefit from a repeat viewing. If you haven’t gotten to do so, you can order tickets right here! It is worth it, whether you go on your own, or…like yours truly…have a special someone with whom to sneak in a drink and laugh the night away. And for those looking to contribute to the #BringBackMST3K campaign, you can do so right HERE! So, until next time, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and just know that the Ice Cream Bunny is right behind you. Always.
….ALWAYS.
5/5 Beach Bald Gorillas