goldberg Archives - GeeksHaveGame

February 28, 2020

WWE SUPER SHOWDOWN [Review]: The Smark Side Presents ‘Oil Money V’.

Well… here we are again, in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and here I am asking what the hell I just put myself through. If you’re looking for a Marky, WWE Fanboy review of Super Showdown, you’re in the wrong place. This is The Smark Side and we’re BRUTALLY honest over here.

Before I even get into how much I hated this show, I’m going to tell you that this will probably be my last WWE review for a long time. This product is just trash and no matter how many chances I give it, it just keeps getting worse. Vince is out of touch with reality and is doing nothing but burying this company with bad creative and horrible booking.

Super Showdown was quite possibly the pinnacle of that. Usually, the Saudi show is just a showcase and nothing big happens. Well, they screwed the pooch with this one. And by the way, there WILL be spoilers… if that’s what you want to call them. I think it’s just me saving you four hours of your life that you can’t ever get back. EVER. You can thank me later. The one positive, no Sideshow Sam Roberts. Yeah. It was that bad.

We start this thing off with the OC versus the Viking Experience or whatever the hell they’re calling them now. I honestly couldn’t care less at this point. It was a very quick match with a surprising finish. Nothing spectacular here at all. Remember when the Viking Raiders were hot as all hell and looked like the next big tag team? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Apparently Vince doesn’t, so he continues to bury them. This should have been way better than it was. – 1.5/5

*Tuwaiq Trophy Gauntlet Match*
R-Truth v Rey Jr v Andrade v Lashley v AJ Styles v Rowan

Next up, we start the actual show and it’s the Tuwaiq Cup Gauntlet match. … I have to ask why they always have to have some type of specialty match at these shows. The Greatest Royal Rumble, the Best In The World Tournament, the Greatest Tag Team Tournament, and now this. News flash: Nobody cares. It was cool to see R-Truth getting over with the Saudi crowd. I love him surprising everyone and getting through three guys… Then it went to shit. The Undertaker wins it all by beating AJ Styles in 10 seconds with a single chokeslam. Really?? So that’s how you’re going to set them up for Mania?? By burying AJ?? Well, that was garbage. – 1/5

*Smackdown Tag Team Championship*
The New Day (c) v **The Miz & John Morrison**

Then we get the New Day complete –with blonde Kofi and pancakes– defending against the Dirt Sheet of Miz & Morrison. We all know I think Miz is awesome so I don’t need to gush about him. We also know how much I loathe Kofi, so I won’t beat a dead horse. This was probably the one thing they did right on this show.

The New Day is as stale as those pancakes and the gimmick has run its course. I mean, the Street Profits are basically the New New Day so it’s time to end this gimmick and move them onto other things. If you haven’t gathered from my tone, Miz and Morrison are your new Smackdown Tag Team Champions. Overall, it was nothing spectacular though. – 2.5/5

Hmmmmm… Angel Garza and Humberto Carrillo came out to absolutely no response. Apparently, the Saudis don’t like illegal Mexican immigrants either. This match might have been better than it played as, but the crowd really killed it by not caring in the slightest. Plus, it ended with a rollup. It happened. It ended. That’s about it. – 1/5

*RAW Tag Team Championship*
**Murphy & Rollins (c)** v The Street Profits

Oh look, it’s The Switchblade Seth Rollins-White and his lapdog. I ask myself every time I see these two why they put the tag belts on them instead of the actual tag team in their crew. I mean, it makes no sense at all in my opinion. But then again, this is Vince McMahon’s WWE so making sense isn’t really their thing.

Anyway, the New Street Cryme Day Time Profits looked good in this one. Montez Ford could really be a star if he dropped the Kofi Kingston, WB Frog, shuckin’ and jivin’ thing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone get that high for a frog splash. This match was probably the only other match worth watching on the show, but it was predictable as all hell so there’s that. – 2.25/5

You can’t have a Saudi show without Mansoor. This guy always does his thing and kills it in Riyadh and then we don’t see him again until the next Saudi show. Oh well. The fans got behind Mansoor because he’s one of their own. And Ziggler got the call to do the job. Sorry, Dolph. – 1.5/5

*WWE Championship*
**Brock Lesnar (c)** v Ricochet

Now, THIS is when this show really went to complete shit. This match was a minute and thirty seconds. Yup. They just squashed Ricochet. I don’t know what that does. Oh well. I guess it was kind of expected. – 1/5

*Cage Match*
**Roman Reigns** v Baron Corbin

So this match just put me to sleep. I’m more than over Roman v Corbin. Rumor and innuendo is that Roman is over it too. He reportedly asked for his release last week. I don’t know if there’s any truth to that, but it’s been floating around the interweb. If there was a match that anyone couldn’t have cared less about than this one… wait… never mind. – 1.5/5

*Smackdown Women’s Championship*
**Bayley (c)** v Naomi

If there was a match that anyone couldn’t have cared less about than Roman v Corbin, it was THIS one. I think only Michael Cole cared about this match and the “first women’s title defense in Saudi Arabia”. I mean, the fans were definitely out of this one. You could hear kids running around and screaming during this match it was so quiet in the arena.

Carmella definitely made the right choice in backing out of this one. Bayley won because the black girl wasn’t winning the title in Saudi Arabia. I mean come on. And that ending was horrid. Did she really tie Naomi’s feet up in her shirt and slam her face into the mat to get the pinfall?? Holy bad creative. This really can’t get any worse.
DUD

*Universal Championship*
The Fiend (c) v Goldberg

Welp, I guess I spoke too soon. I’m going to rant right now. 4 minutes and 16 seconds or some shit like that and the Fiend is BURIED by Goldberg??? Really??? Someone thought it was a good idea to bury your most over character to a 55-year-old Goldberg??

Someone thought that Goldberg was a bigger draw?? They didn’t learn after the Hell In a Cell Seth Rollins debacle?? This is the direction this company is going to go in?? We’re really getting Goldberg v Roman Reigns for the Universal Title at Mania?? I really might skip Mania after this crap. I mean, I might wash my hands of the WWE altogether. This match was total crap. Total. Crap. Bible score?? I need a bible and Jesus after sitting through that crap!!
-2/5

I went into this show not expecting much and boy was I STILL disappointed. I don’t know what management is thinking right now. Goldberg isn’t the draw they think he is. He isn’t going to boost Smackdown ratings or be the reason for an outside company to buy the rights to pay per views because literally NOBODY wanted this. If ESPN or anyone else decides to buy those rights, the person who signs off on it should be fired immediately, because they WILL lose money.

I’m interested in how many Network subscriptions were canceled today. If it wasn’t for Takeovers, mine would be gone. I have one more chance left in me for Smackdown to see if they do something to correct this MAJOR screwup and if they don’t (which is my expectation) I’ll be done with RAW and Smackdown for the foreseeable future. I’ll read results, but that’s about it. I can’t be bothered to waste any more of my time with a product that is totally out of touch with their fan base and continues to do all the wrong things.

This is the byproduct of writers who don’t know the wrestling business and an owner who is stuck in the ’90s and uses the show as his own playground. It’s a sad state for the WWE and I fully expect a Self Destruction of the WWE DVD to be released that will chronicle 2019 and beyond. For me, I’ll be looking forward to AEW Revolution (look for my Smark Side review on that) on Saturday and anything else that ISN’T WWE. Overall -1/5 Bibles.

-Shawn Puff

January 26, 2017January 29, 2017

WWE ROYAL RUMBLE 2017 [Ringside Apostles Preview]: No Alpha, No Omega.

Hey wrestling geeks, you knew we couldn’t let this one slip. It’s Weekend 1 on the “Road to WrestleMania”, and the Ringside Apostles have the full preview of NXT TakeOver: San Antonio (Saturday) and WWE Royal Rumble 2017 (Sunday).

You ready? Naw, you’re not ready.

***WWE ROYAL RUMBLE 2017*** – 1/29/17

“Bishop Zom” Richard Pearson
@eyebzombie

Still running the backstage block, Sasha Banks walks ever confident (ignoring her bum knee) into Sunday for pride and territory. You cannot discount a true Bo$$; she has a plan and eyes set on the Samoan enforcer, Nia Jax. The female high volcano is rumbling within as she boils over, rage and destruction is set to leave Sasha bloody, beaten and laid out in the streets. PREDICTION: This will be one hell of a female David and Goliath match, with Banks for the swift win.

**Cesaro and Sheamus** (c) vs. **The Club** (*WWE Raw Tag Team Championship; Two Referees are Assigned to the Match*)

Felipe “The 3rd Deacon” Crespo
@F7ovrdrv

“Aw man, know what’s SO KEWL?! THE CLUB! THEY’RE LIKE NWO! And, and.. And Anderson and Gallows? They were in the Club back in Japan! Man, it was great! ‘Member??” Ugh. Me, and many fans have had to put up with this incessant babbling since they rode AJ’s coattails (ain’t nobody want them as the main dish) into the WWE. And know what? They’re not great. Karl Anderson? Sure. But Luke Gallows is as meh as ever. I guess they’re a solid enough tag team, but in the WWE, you also need charisma. And they couldn’t buy it if they made “Cena money”. PREDICTION: They Club is above average, are going against a team that’s working great together (and features Cesaro), and they’re in an era that’s known for lengthy title reigns. I know AJ probably made sure there’s a “title run” clause in their contracts (God bless him), but I don’t think it’s happening just yet. Sheasaro > Club Light.

**Alexa Bliss**, **Mickie James** and **Natalya** vs. **Becky Lynch**, **Naomi** and **Nikki Bella**

Since I’m the resident “Jerry Lawler” over here at the Ringside Apostles, there’s no surprise that yours truly took a liking to this match. (“PUPPIES!”) But, no, seriously; there’s a lot of talent in this ring–and I don’t just mean looks.. OK, that’s a lie. But these women can go! Actually, although the heat between former 5-time, 5-time, 5-time, 5-time, 5-time Women’s Champ (and former TNA Knockout) Mickie James and recent SD Titleholder Becky Lynch is as hot as you’d imagine, it’ll be the outstanding heat between Natalya & Nikki that should get all the attention. It should be interesting to see where Naomi and Alexa fit into all of this since their newfound championship-intended rivalry popped off on Tuesday. That’s two athletically-gifted–and hella bootyful–women that are about to make the Woman’s Division on #SDLive “must see TV”. PREDICTION: Single (and lonely) Moody wins.

**Rich Swann** (c) vs. **Neville** (*WWE Cruiserweight Championship*)

Anthony “PriestMode” Holloway
IG @Grumpykore

There comes a time when a Superstar gets his shot–and this might be Adrian Neville‘s. Arguably a better heel, his drive to succeed in the WWE after his long awaited return has put the 205 Live and the CwC title on notice the last few weeks. It’s the perfect main dish for a show that is just starting to build momentum with its fans. Rich Swann, on the other hand, has done well making an impact on the ring with his high-flying moves and charisma. Despite that…. PREDICTION: It’s time for Neville to lead the Cruiserweight division to new heights, in what should be a great bout with a Red Arrow crashing down to victory.

**Kevin Owens** (c) vs. **Roman Reigns** (*No Disqualification Match for the WWE Universal Championship; Chris Jericho Will be Suspended in a Shark Cage Above the Ring*)

The deck has definitely been stacked against the Big Dog. Sunday night will be different, though: Chris Jericho will be suspended high above the ring–in a shark cage–ensuring he won’t interfere. And to add to it, it will be a No Disqualification match. Hmmm… Vince has tried to shove Roman down our throat the past two Mania’s as a face, much to the chagrin of the IWC and many wrestling fans, resulting in the main event being hijacked and pops going to the guy they wanted heat for. What better way to fix that than to give Reigns the strap and send him into April as the champ, turning him heel sometime in the process? PREDICTION: Y2J does interfere by dropping a foreign object into the ring from the Shark Cage. Owens will fail in his attempt to use said object and Roman Reigns will instead get his hands on it and use it to “KO” K.O. and become the new Universal Champion, thus causing a rift between Besties and sending them into Mania for Jericho’s US Title.

**Charlotte Flair** (c) vs. **Bayley** (*WWE Raw Women’s Championship*)

Coming off the heels of possibly one of the greatest female rivalries in wrestling history, I have been watching Charlotte‘s newest feud pretty closely. While most of the promos have come across as ‘petty girl fight’ type stuff, there is no doubting either woman’s work ethic or ability. Though Ms. Flair is the queen of the ring in my view, there’s more than likely be a title run in the future for the queen of the hugs–and I’m pretty sure that starts this Sunday. PREDICTION: Bayley.

**AJ Styles** (c) vs. **John Cena** (*WWE Championship*)

This will steal the show. Mark my words. AJ Styles/John Cena matches have always been barn burners and I could watch them–quite literally–wrestle forever. Considering the promo they cut on Smackdown Live this past Tuesday was white hot, this war of words will erupt into quite possibly a “6 star match” (thanks, Melzer). Believe me when I say, I know WWE officials and wrestlers alike were watching Wrestle Kingdom 11 very intently and they’re looking to outdo Okada/Omega–especially the former IWGP Heavyweight Champ that once ran that Japanese camp. Prediction: Styles will do what he does best, again, and that’s #BeatUpJohnCena and retain.

**30 Man Royal Rumble** (*#1 Contender at Wrestlemania 33*)

With the likes of Goldberg, Undertaker, Brock Lesnar and the Big Show entering the prestigious Royal Rumble the big men are the odds on favorites to win it all. But out of the 30 men, there are only 22 known superstars, 8 of which are surprise entrants; now and then WWE knows how to surprise the hardcore and casual fan alike. PREDICTION: My money is on Samoa Joe getting called up from NXT (finally) and, although a long shot, winning the Rumble. A mark can dream, right? – Lauro Rojas

The Rumble this year is so packed to the gills, it’s hard to pick a winner. You’ve got heavyhitters like Braun Strowman and the aforementioned legends, but it wouldn’t surprise me if… PREDICTION: Somehow, Seth Rollins gets into the match and pulls this thing off! That will be a dope surprise. – JaDarrel Belser

I.. don’t know.. I really don’t want to see Taker win and get the belt at WM. I love you, Undertaker, and appreciate everything you’ve done, etc, etc. But it’s time, man. Go into the Hall of Fame… And with Rollins out of the Rumble, I’d guess Bill Goldberg; but… PREDICTION: He’ll eliminate Lesnar, and Lesnar will screw him out of the 30-Man. Sure as hell won’t be a Smackdown guy. Ugh. A spot is going to be wasted on James Ellsworth, isn’t it? Fuck you, SD. – Felipe Crespo

This year’s Rumble looks good. With 7 or so spots still left to be filled, we’re sure to see some surprises as we get ready for the Road to WrestleMania. Since we already have a good idea of what big names will be doing what at Mania… PREDICTION: I expect a few surprise entrants and an unannounced return for Finn Balor to lead to a Balor victory and either a Balor/Reigns or Balor/Styles WrestleMania Main Event. I’ll pay (the $9.99) for either of those. – Shawn Puff

One thing is for certain this year: This year’s Rumble is completely up for grabs. Usually it’s well known/telegraphed who’s going to win–be it Rock, HHH or rammed-down-our-throats Roman. But this year, there are legit six entrants (that we know of) and stories colliding. Be it Roman, Goldberg, Brock, Taker, Jericho– or any one of the as of yet known 8 wildcards. Could it be a returning Finn Balor? Or Samoa Joe, as Lauro just mentioned? Whoever is the last man standing this year, we’re all winners. PREDICTION: Although Joe is my outside choice, I gotta list the dark horse himself, “Y2J” Chris Jericho. – Sean Farrell

Surprises have become legendary with the Royal Rumble; hopes of seeing a new mastery, ala Kofi Kingston surviving the over the top rope elimination by his almost-heels. Braun Strowman will step up and break the most eliminations by one wrestler (Kane/Reigns?). But I will stand fast with the surprise entrant taking victory for the night. PREDICTION: I’m saying.. Kurt Angle is returning and winning the Royal Rumble. Oh, it’s True, it’s damn True. – Richard Pearson

Sounds wild, but I’m going with Sami Zayn. Here’s why: After being pummeled by Strowman week after week after week… he’s the perfect underdog story. He’s way over with the fans. This week on RAW, he was clearly the brand’s best actual in-ring performer (although Rollins is a close second). That pedigree reminds me of Daniel Bryan and with all these old slugs in the ring my friends have mentioned, maybe Mrs. Foley’s baby boy can convince the whigs in Stamford that this is a way to get HARDCORE fans’ attention following the massive critical success of NJPW’s WK11. After some terrible reactions to recent RR winners (Sheamus, Batista and Reigns ring a bell?), isn’t it time to listen to the fans? At Mania: 1.) Goldberg vs. Brock becomes a Triple Threat with Taker, 2.) HHH fights Rollins, 3.) Samoa Joe causes havoc, but makes more impact at the Elimination Chamber, 4.) Sami either gives Foley the “F U” and challenges Cena and/or AJ for the WWE Title, or… 5.) Finds his long-awaited revenge against K.O. (way back from 2014 in NXT) for the Universal strap. 6.) Reigns could then fight Strowman, and Y2J could fight Balor. Wullah! PREDICTION: El Generico. – Travis Moody

***NXT TAKEOVER: SAN ANTONIO*** – 1/28/17

Well, this should be interesting. We have the still relatively new incoming Indy signing in Roderick Strong (Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, Ring of Honor) going up against the other dancing gimmick Andres “Cien” Almas. Now one would put Strong over since he’s a new commodity and still has that new car smell on him to the WWE Universe; but, Cien needs a win in Texas where he’s sure to have some fans from his time in Mexico. PREDICTION: Almas needs to keep it at a hundred to have a chance against the King of the Backbreaker. Sorry WWE, keep looking for that crossover talent from South of the Border.

TEN! TEN! TEN! Yeah, you’re going to be sick of that number by Monday, since it’s the number you’ll hear screaming from marks all over south Texas. But who can blame fans who’ve witnessed tremendous in-ring progress from Tye Dillinger (as well as a super boost of popularity). While his charisma or personality might not be there just yet, many feel he’s ready for the jump–perhaps to continue a heated Twitter squabble with The Miz on Smackdown Live. “The Perfect Ten” announced at.. you guessed it.. during the Rumble? Let’s hope he can get out of a possible SAnity TakeOver the night before first. PREDICTION: Does NXT really wanna bury either one of these guys? Eric Young‘s SAnity faction would be dired useless if he loses. At least if Tye falls, it gives him all the more reason to hop in the 30-man and make the fans forgot it took 4 psycho-grunge artists to beat him the night before.

Here it is. NXT’s hottest tag team, #DIY–who put on a recent clinic with TM61 and made a strong case for Tag Match of 2016 against the Revival–will be defending against the Authors of Blehhhhh, I mean Pain. A pair that would give the Monstars (that was a Space Jam reference) a run for their money, Akam and Rezar have been making their presence felt throughout NXT since June of 2016 dismantling teams left and right. Expect some stiff hits and a powerful moveset from the teams and mayhaps some ringside shenanigans with the likes of Paul Ellering about. PREDICTION: #DIY have had a good run but this writer believes it’s time for them to get called up (fingers crossed for Smackdown); Authors of Pain take the belts.

Destiny “Evangelical” Edwards
@mochaloca85

Three heels and a face. Peyton Royce and Billie Kay banded together because they’re both Australian and pretty, so they’re the best (obvs). Their mean girl gimmick works for them and they’re both good in the ring. SAnity’s Nikki Cross is there because, well, she’s sooooo crazy and unpredictable (like they keep telling us Dean Ham-brose is). She just inserted herself into the title picture because she wanted to. And, you know what? I’m OK with that because it’s Nikki Fucking Cross. PREDICTION: My heart wants Cross (God, do I love her), but she’s not ready yet. Truthfully, neither are Kay and Royce, and their partnership will probably implode after this match and start a feud between them. Asuka retains until Orlando.

I might be looking forward to this match more than any other on either card this weekend. The King of Strong Style is coming off what was an incredible fued with Samoa Joe that saw the title go back and forth between the two. I can’t help but wonder, with the expected call-ups for and following the Rumble (in addition to Shinsuke being booked for WrestleMania Axxess weekend), if the current champ will drop the belt and show up as a Rumble surprise–or even the following Monday/Tuesday night. Spicy! On the other hand, they just got this fued going and it’s been gold since the start, with Bobby Roode nothing short of #GLORIOUS since his arrival. PREDICTION: A title reign could see a main event push for the already over Perfect 10, reigniting Tye’s fued with new champion Roode.

November 21, 2016November 21, 2016

SURVIVOR SERIES 2016 [Ringside Apostles Review Show]: 5-Minutes Alone.

"The Man Called" Moody @travmoody — “The Man Called” Moody
@travmoody

In this special “One Man Band” edition of the Ringside Apostles podcast, I, the “Monsignor” Travis Moody have my 50-minutes alone– at least 45-minutes longer than Lesnar had in the ring with “The Beast Incarnate” Brock Lesnar at tonight’s Survivor Series.

Yeah, fantasy warfare realized alright…

Stream above, or DOWNLOAD this episode (right click and save)

Fitting, that in addition to my thoughts on this weekend’s WWE & NXT TakeOver Toronto events, I also break down (for the very second time; here are our initial impressions) the reason why that main event happened in the second place: WWE 2K17. In the final segment of the show, I talk Universe Mode in-depth, patch & DLC improvements and my Top 12 Wish List Items for WWE 2K18.

Hope you like.

November 17, 2016

SURVIVOR SERIES 2016 [Preview]: #FantasyWarfare

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE: The Miz v. Sami Zayne — *INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE*: **The Miz** v. **Sami Zayn**

After a shocking/maybe-not-so-shocking thriller from Ziggler and Miz we have crowned a new and sixth time Intercontinental Champ. Also adding to the stipulation? The Miz will be facing crowd favorite Sami Zayn, in his backyard nonetheless, at the perennial Survivor Series for the strap. Maybe it was WWE’s way of “smart-booking” to have a Ziggler lose it to Miz only for him to lose it to the underdog from the underground. If anyone was more deserving of the belt it’d be Zayn. After having that amazing feud with Universal Champ Kevin Owens and middling about the midcard for a while, it’s about time Zayn was given his due. Expect high flying, hard-hitting action and quite possibly some mid-match shenanigans. Prediction: It is my bold-stone-cold-lock-of-the-century for Sami Zayn to come out on top.

WOMEN'S SURVIVOR SERIES: RAW v. Smackdown Live — *WOMEN’S SURVIVOR SERIES*: **Team RAW** v. **Team Smackdown Live**

Destiny "Evangelical" Edwards — Destiny “Evangelical” Edwards

Survivor Series is my favorite of the Big Four, similar to how Fall Brawl was my favorite WCW Pay-Per-View because it had.. “WarGames”. I love traditional Survivor Series matches and–unlike last month’s HIAC having three matches using the titular gimmick (of which only the last one actually belonged in the cell)–I have no problem with there being three of ‘em. On the women’s side, we have Team RAW (Charlotte Flair, Sasha Banks, Bayley, Nia Jax and Alicia Fox with Dana Brooke as an “alternate”) vs Team SD Live (Nikki Bella, Becky Lynch, Alexa Bliss, Naomi, and Carmella with Natalya as “coach”). Prediction: It’s RAW. We all know it’s RAW, even though it should be SD. On RAW, if you’re not Charlotte or Sasha (or to a lesser extent, Bayley or Dana Brooke), you’re kinda just spinning wheels. SD has been doing a much better job of showcasing their entire women’s division. Bliss has been on fire in her feud with Bex, Naomi got a cool new entrance and reminded everyone that she does stuff other than the demeaning Rear View, and Nikki Bella has managed to pull some new things out of Carmella. I’ll be rooting for #TeamBlue, but RAW is going to win it.

CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE: Brian Kendrick v. Kalisto — *CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE*: **Brian Kendrick** v. **Kalisto**

Ryan "Father Grimm" Davis @OGMrGrimm — Ryan “Father Grimm” Davis
@OGMrGrimm

In the match with the highest stakes on this inter-promotional card, not only can a title change hands and shows.. but also the entire Cruiserweight Division! Our new WWE Cruiserweight champion “The” Brian Kendrick has proven to be the smartest man in the company with his wily veteran maneuvers. Kalisto recently made his comeback with a surprisingly savage attack that hobbled Baron Corbin and taking him out of action. Prediction: Despite the whole cruiserweight division being put on the line, there’s a reason why Kendrick is called “The Man with the Plan”.

TAG TEAM SURVIVOR SERIES: Team RAW v. Team Smackdown Live — *TAG TEAM SURVIVOR SERIES*: **Team RAW** v. **Team Smackdown Live**

My son Jace, actually, thinks the The Club — Karl Anderon and Luke Gallows — is going to be the last men standing, after defeating SD Live’s finale pair, Rhyno & Slater. Yes, dear Destiny, RAW will victorious again. RAW just has better and stronger talent, and something is bound to happen with Francesca 2. #NewDayRocks Any more then 3 people is NO DQ, right? Although I’m happy that the WWE will finally decide a tag match with true Survivor Series rules elimination, if one half of a tag team is eliminated, the whole team will be eliminated! Prediction: Jace and I are going with the Ascension, because.. ha.. not even on their best day, marks. Team RAW wins with Gallows’ boot to the face.

SURVIVOR SERIES: Team RAW v. Team Smackdown Live — *SURVIVOR SERIES*: **Team RAW** v. **Team Smackdown Live**

So excited to see RAW crush Smackdown Live. Well, at least that’s what should happen; but since people love that gloryhound Shane, Bryan, and that shell-less turtle James Ellsworth, I’m mentally preparing myself for the opposite. Sidebar: You’re right now stupidly asking yourself “Gloryhound? Shane?! Whaddaya mean?” First off, an entire roster, and on SD, land of opportunity (and all that BS), he just had to take the last spot on the team, didn’t he? Secondly, this past RAW, the spot where Braun Strowman was finally taken down… Wyatt would’ve made more sense. Hell, Orton. But, nope. Who gets the spot highlight? The guy that lives off of water, oxygen, and spotlights: Shane McMahon. Prediction: As much as I love some of the SD team members (Wyatt, Orton, Styles), when the line-ups are compared, team SDL just feels severely outclassed. Not to mention outgunned with how Strowman has been portrayed and growing into his role as a monster; bitch and moan all you want, haters. You know it’s true. I’m hoping for a RAW win, but won’t be surprised if SD Live goes away with it, because a.) Ellsworth, b.) “Creative” and c.) Gloryhound.

MAIN EVENT: Brock Lesnar v. Bill Goldberg — *MAIN EVENT*: **Brock Lesnar** v. **Bill Goldberg**

Ladiesssss and Gentlemennnn… my name is Shawn Puff, and I’m here tonight as a representative for the Ringside Apostles to talk to you about a rematch 12-years in the making. A rematch that, honesly, I’m not even sure I’ve been waiting for. Let’s face the facts: while it will be fun to see Goldberg in the ring once again, he’s already said this is his last match and he hasn’t even had any warm-up matches on RAW. This leaves the question: will he even be able to look good in the squared circle? I mean, sure he’s in great physical shape but that means nothing. Goldberg was never a ring technician or even a guy who could put on a good 20-minute match without looking clunky. Now we expect him to do it after not being in the ring in 20-years? Ok…

On the flip side, we have the incumbent night-mayor of Suplex City, the Beast Incarnate himself, the Conquerer Brock Lesnar. When are they going to give this guy another title run? This is the perfect time to do it with the brand split. Oh well. Brock has another year or so on his contract; he’ll probably end up with another extension on that since he’s only a part-time guy and, why not? He’s beaten all of the old guard and he’s primed to hand out free tickets to Suplex City to everyone on the current rosters. There is absolutely nothing to gain from putting Goldberg over on Lesnar. All that does is kill his persona and make him look weak by having him lose to an old man in his dotage, 20-years removed from action. Prediction: I don’t know that Oldberg! Oldberg! OLDBERG! can take 20 trips to Suplex City, but I’m sure he’ll get the entire tour of the city and get sent home on an F-5 in under 10-minutes. This match is going to be a brawl, completely dominated and conquered by your winner and still your Night Mayor of Suplex City, the Beast Incarnate, BROCK LESNAR.

October 20, 2016October 11, 2018

WWE 2K17 [Roundtable Review]: In With the Old…

So, how bad is WWE 2K17? Well, seeing how a game — marred with more bugs and glitches than ever before — has stalled my purchases of, both, a game from my second favorite series of all time (Gears of War 4) and my most anticipated game coming out of E3 (Battlefield 1), not all bad. Really. Longtime 2K wrestling fanatics know what to expect: a massive roster overhaul, a few admirable-yet-imperfect additions (i.e. backstage/in-crowd brawls, a new ladder/triple threat rollout system), broken promises (i.e. 100s of more cutscenes! Improved MyCareer mode!), awful replays (only last second of finishers and.. pins?) and piss-poor commentary (i.e. same shit from the last two-years! Where’s Corey Graves, goddammuh!?!). We can go on and on on how much WWE 2K17 sucks, fails to live up to expectations, still doesn’t have traditional 4-on-4 or 5-on-5 Survivor Series matches, needs a new engine, doesn’t have custom music, needs game-testing (did CPU Kane really just mat-choke Nash 10x in a row? Why is Earthquake, a man who’s never seen a treadmill, doing the “running man” into the corner?), etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7l_5GtKyGLo

Because much like EA has the only NFL show in town, we buy WWE 2K because.. it’s our only option. That said, I’m torn as fuck. With the sheer focus on Universe Mode, this year’s installment is the best one yet. Still, there are ZERO cutscenes for matches that don’t involve a rivalry (unless you play on Exhibition Mode, crazily enough)–and don’t even try to edit any matches. Through three weeks of my “WCW Friday Night Nitro” program, I’ve yet to see a cutscene at all. On the positive, my fellow hypebros and gals: give YourUniverse some time and you will see a wider variety of rival-based cutscenes (but how wide is anyone’s guess). And the new, text-based Promo Engine is fuckin’ terrible. Hey, I’m glad they finally took what is arguably 40% of the importance of wrestling into consideration for once, and while the differing Mass Effectesque options are neat, the script–unless you’re using a CAW Brian Kendrick *chuckle*–is just *Leto Joker voice* really, really bad. A next-gen game made by the same company that has 100’s of real life voices in its sister NBA 2K series should have the real vocals of WWE superstars. What is this, 1989?

Then, why in the Demon’s Hell does Moody bother spending two full days setting up my Universe, arranging tag-teams, factions, enemies/allies, ring entrances, brand calenders, etc. etc.? Because the CPU is actually great at booking (my Smackdown Live! card frighteningly mirrors what’s going on weekly; while my legend-packed Nitro line-ups are a dream come true). The A.I. in the actual matches, which sees a seamless move-chain and far smoother, improved gameplay (manual targeting is aWWEsome), is still pretty ditzy. But players this year are blessed with far more DIY actions (entrance break/run-ins, etc.) and a level of customization never before seen in a wrestling game. And I just witnessed a cutscene during my custom NXT Takeover: Toronto PPV — something nonexistent in years past. While these are fairly early impressions through MyUniverse, I’ll have a complete review on the next “Ringside Apostles Show” following Halloween Eve’s Hell in a Cell. Owwwwwwwwwwww!!! 3.25/5 Bibles.

So, each Apostle is focusing on an aspect of WWE 2K17. I’m working on a review of my own, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing altogether.

What are my thoughts on MyCareer? Let’s see.. Well, Renee Young at least this year doesn’t look like a monster that could at any moment unhinge her jaw and swallow you, but that came at the expense of her voice (even though she has the exact same lines).. Oh, and there’s zero voice work with the promos and your answers. I’m not sure this is what the “AH WANT MER GEHRM TO BE MER LIKE NO MERCY!” idiots meant, 2K.

"The whole F'N K.O. show!" — “The whole F’N K.O. show!”

The great “Heyman Guy” story trailer? Like many movies is definitely better than the experience itself. Oh and going up the ranks makes last year’s progression look like The Flash. Silver lining: I was in a singles match against Scott Dawson on Main Event. He was a tag champ (and not NXT champ). I wasn’t even in a tag team. After I won? I got treated to a Cinematic of Triple H congratulating me for ushering in a new era for NXT, and there was my character, with the belt over his shoulder.

Afterwards, I was still number 3 in the rankings and had no belt. So there’s that. My Career mode is SO good, guys. 5/5 Totally Non-Sarcastic Bibles.

"Reverend" Lauro Rojas @Snarky_motif — “Reverend” Lauro Rojas
@Snarky_motif

Ah October, cooler weather, Pumpkin Spice Latte’s, uncharacteristically large fuzzy boots. Oh, lest we forget raining chair shots on John Cena, #BeatUpCena. October has been 2K’s yearly installment release window for its WWE games. Since ’14 2K has been making minor adjustments, slowly and surely, though it seems as if it always falls just short. But after four years of laboring and tweaking, has 2K attained the brass ring with ’17 or have they botched it so bad to be worthy of Botchmania segment?

While the big draw this year is the Universe and Career mode, I’d be remiss to not mention the Creation Suite and the amount of detail that a user can create a wrestler, arena, logo with. But the true belle of the ball and one of 2K’s biggest improvements is bringing back Backstage Fighting Areas and fighting within the crowd. No longer will you and your heated rival be constrained to the squared circle and announcers tables. You can fight all through the backstage starting from the entrance ramp, making your way to the gorilla position to breaking up an interview, right into Triple H’s office. You can viciously pummel your opponent with a myriad of objects, chairs, walls, lockers, metal rack, etc.

Sometimes though the targeting will be off and you’ll miss your opponent by a mile, then you have to listen to Cole and Lawler berate you for hitting air, which takes you out of the moment. Every now and then it’ll glitch spontaneously; for example, as my fighter was about to deliver an elbow on top of a footlocker, he was flung into a door. *Jim Ross voice* Oh, what the bloody hell!!! Another thing about backstage brawls is the quietness of the audio — a major issue in the game in all forms (hello Poor-Diddy), — save for the awkward-sounding smacks, grunts and the incessant, outdated, commentary. I wish you could hear the crowd a bit more like in the arena. Fighting in the crowd remedies the quietness (Cena and New Day chants are cool), but you have a very limited space to cause damage in.

Has 2K delivered? Yes and no. They’ve given the WWE fanatic what they wanted but the game can’t help but feel already outdated, what with the brand split, new commentary teams, glitches, etc. Not worth the full price, best saved as a “Bargain Bin Buy” (yes, I will be coining that). 2/5 Triple H Shovels.

June 1, 2016June 2, 2016

THE E3ODUS [E3 2016 Preview, Day 1]: Prepare for TITANfall.

With the Electronic Entertainment Expo — E3, parishioners — less than 2-weeks away, we’ve got over 30 games in 10 days to preview. So here comes the first batch…

***DAY ONE, June 1st — THE LEGEND OF ZELDA, TITANFALL 2, WWE 2K17***

“DYNAST” DANA KEELS @hatandwand

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA (Nintendo – Wii U/NX – TBA Q4 2016/2017) – No doubt Nintendo’s biggest–hell, only–flagship that’ll be at E3, the elusive next chapter in The Legend of Zelda series is set to have the curtains drawn back on its secretive development. Originally intended to release last year before delay, it will now release alongside Nintendo’s next generation console, codenamed “NX”. As for now? Next-to-nothing is known about the next iteration. Series producer Eiji Aonuma has been quoted in regards to a new structure of the game, maybe one that’ll attempt to shake up the damn near three decade old formula. This Zelda could feature a complete open world that emphasizes freedom of exploration and eliminates more of the Skyward Swordesque linear elements. This may be the first game in the series to include voice acting — for every character that isn’t Link, that is (maybe even a female link option?). No doubt, it’ll be interesting to see how modern open world RPG’s such as Fallout and the Witcher may have influenced the structure of the newest TLOZ, if at all.

“BROTHER” MYKE LADIONA @onemyke

TITANFALL 2 (EA/Respawn Entertainment – X1, PS4, PC – TBA Q4 2016/2017) – Respawn’s Titanfall franchise has been called out on many comment threads and sites (including our own) as one of the progenitors of this new “multiplayer only” generation of AAA console shooters. EA isn’t innocent either, having just been ion torpedoed for the lack of single player in Star Wars Battlefront. Seems they’ve had enough of our whining. Last year it was confirmed that this time around, Titanfall 2 would be both multi-platform and include a robust single player, story-driven campaign, likely to launch around the same time as their cousin shooter, Battlefield 1, and, more appropriately, in the same pre-holiday blitz as Call of Duty: Infinity Warfare. In fact, Respawn’s past over at CoD: MW set the narrative template–and subsequent bar of quality–for the blockbuster AAA single player campaign that Activision still uses to tell their stores. Lead writer Jesse Sterns even came out and said that the campaign would deal with sci-fi and fantasy, but still be “grounded, dirty, human and real.” Either way, we’re standing by for Titanfall, once again — make sure it sticks its landing.

“PADRE” GUY COPES @GuyCopes3

WWE 2K17 (2K Sports/Yuke’s, Visual Concepts – X1, PS4, PC, 360, PS3 – October 2016) – Finally, The Padre, has come back to GHG. The renegade Ringside Apostle has returned just in time to sing the early praises of that next installment of the squared circle marriage between the WWE and 2K. That’s right, Wrasslin Faithful, WWE 2K17 was announced on the most recent edition of Monday Night RAW. The big pre-order bonus will have you chanting like you bought a ticket to Nitro during the height of the Monday Night Wars. Because… Gooooooooooooldberg! Gooooooooooooldberg Now, every year the Padre enters the ring all excited to champion the new features, updates, and promise of greatness that 2K lays out for the masses. But like a bad gimmick that won’t die, “Bishop” Richard Zom comes running to the ring to deliver a chair shot to the head of the Padre’s ukulele playing, universe building, CAW-creation innovatin’ funtime with you, the faithful Apostle Acolytes. Zom takes the piss, Padre counters, Zom hates this, Padre counters, Zom bitches about the game being all flash and no substance, Padre screams back a defense. Well frankly folks, the Bishop’s absolutely right (WHOOOOOAH!!!). Look, I’m usually hyped as anyone when the first news trickles out. I loved WWE 2K16, until the shine wore off. My hype, thus far, is set to Level Zom and I’m on “Tag Team Bane” until I see something that comes across less like a mid-card snooze and more like a main event supercard in the old Dallas Sportatorium.