The Dark Knight Rises: But his name is “Dick”…

We know you probably saw it. We know you probably read about it. We know you would probably rather not hear any more about it. But, hey, it’s only officially been in theaters for 3 days, so cut Us some slack; we only want what is the very best for you. Enter GHG’s Week of Batman. Enter the The Ultimate Dark Knight Rises Discussion. Enter heaven, where major SPOILERS ARISE.

Travis Moody: First off, I’d like to welcome the wacky congregation of God Hates Geeks to our newest contributor — the only man who has the right to speak for God — Mr. “Saint” Luke Albright, Ladies & Gentlemen!!!

*uproarous cyber boo’s never heard before*

Luke Albright: Hahahaha- thanks, Reverend. Don’t worry, I’ll put in a good word with the Big Guy Upstairs so he won’t smite you for that little bit of blasphemy. Good to be here.

Moody: Okay, so obviously since we both shed tears toward the end of The Dark Knight Rises — or… wait, was that Big Dan? — we both enjoyed it. Hell, in fact, I didn’t feel this much elation through my first viewing a couple days ago. But, with that said, what didn’t you like about the movie?

Luke: Yeah, Michael Caine almost made me weep every single time he was on screen. I really enjoyed the film, but one of the major things I didn’t like was not being able to understand a damn word that came out of Bane‘s mouth. I just assumed that every time it was, “Grrr, grrr, raaarrrh, pain, grrr, raaarrrh, darkness, pain… grrr, I was born in a prison, grrrrrrrrrrrrr”. But having said that, Tom Hardy is a BEAST.

Moody: Indeed he was. You had the smart, slender, humorous villain last time with the Joh… (oh wait, Christopher Nolan doesn’t want that name being spread around!), so it only made sense to add a formidable, perhaps combustible, guy who isn’t quite the shadowy opposite witnessed in The Dark Knight. And, oh I get you, man. I saw this movie twice and couldn’t make out the lines of Hardy’s I could last time. But, being able to imitate him Darth Vader-style is pretty fucking cool.

Luke: Ahhhhh the Darth Vader jokes… having lived my life as a Luke, I fear they will never end. Really good point about the contrast of villains from the last film to this one. Whereas Heath Ledger created a maniacal, somewhat whimsical opponent who was equal parts showman and psychopath, Bane was a nice change of pace as a seemingly unstoppable combination of pure, slow-boiling rage and imposing brawn. The Joker would trick you into destroying yourself, whereas Bane will just break you in half. I just wish they could’ve tamed down the voice effects a bit. What bothered you about the film, if anything?

Moody: The fact this one didn’t come with a free medium popcorn and free soda (!!), and that WB — ahem Nolan — made me pay for it twice. Hence the week-late Facebook-style review. That’ll teach ’em! No, nothing really pained me aside of the lack of subtitles for my man Bane. But, I have to say I somewhat agree with our pal Joe Ross about the film’s pacing. Acts 1 and 3 were so terrifyingly energetic, and Act 2 — which is the case in many films, sure — gave out such a lull. You see, none of Bane’s “99%” following, especially that goateed hitman dude, were terribly interesting. Just the fact Joker had a bunch of guys running around in clown masks made up for any lack of Harley Quinn. Jonathan Crane eventually made a fun cameo, but the other terrorists lacked that comic book flair.

Luke: I completely agree about the secondary villains coming across as rather bland, but maybe that’s what Nolan was trying to say- “You don’t have to have a huge crew of baby-eating psychos to upset the balance of the world… sometimes all it takes is one mad-man leading a mass of disgruntled and disillusioned commoners that are tired of watching the rich shit on them”. But, yes, as a moviegoer, it would have been nice for one of his henchmen to posses crazy ninja skills or a strange affinity for burning things. As far as the pace, it didn’t bug me as much as it did you and Joe. Was Act 2 a bit slow, yes. But with the amount of story lines they had to tie together, I think Nolan did a hell of a job. Plus, anytime your pace starts lagging, just put in a scene of Michael Caine (Alfred Pennyworth) being amazing. Problem solved.

Moody: Caine was Caine. No surprise there. Hey, maybe the calm of Act 2 was what the film needed, and I’d even relate TDKR to a broadway musical. It had a masquerade ball (fantastic way of introducing Selina Kyle without blurting out “I’m Catwoman”); much sharper scene edits than before (think Black Swan); a Hans Zimmer score (which I highly doubt anyone can get out of their head for about a week); and a villain who was sort of “Angel of Death”-esque (see: Phantom of the Opera) in his exaggerated performance. Nolan doing a musical? Here ’tis.

Luke: Kudos, on that one, Rev. I hadn’t thought of if that way. I have always really enjoyed the scores of Nolan’s films, especially in The Dark Knight– that low, penetrating hum/siren that accompanies most of Ledger’s scenes in that film still gives me chills. As far as Catwoman, I agree- great introduction. I really enjoyed Anne Hathaway in this film… she gave a great mix of sexy/deadly/playful that the role needs. Plus, Nolan found a way for the ears on her costume to actually be useful. Nice detail. I wish Catwoman and Batman hadn’t shared that cheesy kiss near the end… but, hey, I guess an HJ would be too much to ask for the guy who is about to save the city from an atomic blast. Cock-tease.

Moody: Ha-ha! Never cared for Hathaway before this and now I can’t think of another actress I’d rather.. snuggle up with. Imagine this scenario one year ago: Anne Hathaway, comic book babe icon. Unreal. And just to emphasize your point, yes, this Ms. Kyle was all about showing, not telling. And show she did. Bravo. At best, we’ll hear Hathaway’s name come February. And, not to purr away from this pretty little feline, but what about.. well.. Batman dammit! Was this Christian Bale‘s best performance as The Caped Crusader yet or *gruffled voice*– WHAT.

Luke: Bale has always been a good fit inside the bat costume, and here again, he proved why- he can flat out act. The darkness and pain that Bruce Wayne tries so hard hide from the world is always hovering just below the surface of Christian’s performances. Was this his best performance as The Batman? If so, I think it’s only because the story of this film allowed it to be. As a great actor does, he only pushes limits when the story calls for it… and this time it definitely did.

Moody: Yes, Saint Luke, even the forever-mocked hoarseness of Bale’s voice is bearable. I always felt like that extra “gruff” in the back of Wayne’s throat came from his undying will to match Joker’s tenacity — and the fact he had to hide both of his Bruce Wayne personas. Now, let’s touch upon Bane, and Nolan’s intent on the use of sympathetic villains one more time. While there’s an oft-fatherhood tale in Batman, with Alfred, Jim Gordon, and Ra’s al Ghul all serving as mentors (and again in this film during Wayne’s hallucinations), it continues with both Bane serving the “big daddy” of the oppressed villains and blue-collar middle class of Pittsburgh-Gotham and protector of Ra’s daughter, Talia (ohhhhyoudidn’tknowww??). What do you think Nolan was getting at with all of the domestic, political and social commentary? (I especially loved Bane’s response to the broker telling him there was no money to take at the stock exchange: “Really. Then why are you here?”)

Luke: Dang, Reverend, I never knew you had so many deep thoughts. Touche, sir. I think one of the biggest points Nolan was making is that there is a growing divide between the rich and the poor in America. As we’ve seen for decades now, the middle class is disappearing. And when that happens, you’re in a for a shitstorm. People with nothing will only suffer and watch the rich bathe in their excesses for so long. Eventually a catalyst (Bane in this case) will spark a fire that will set the entire fucking thing ablaze. Another huge point I think he makes with these films is that we are all culpable. None of us is without blame. No one is entirely good or bad- we are shaped by our environment and by those that mentor us. That’s one reason I love this trilogy so much is because it takes an imagined world (the Batman comics) and grounds it in the reality of the human condition. Nolan is a genius. There, I said it. Man-crush.

Moody: Boom! You said it right there on that last point. He takes the comics, literally, and makes them his own. While Joss Whedon wrote one of the greatest comic book movies ever in The Avengers, no one’s ever quite used the source material like this. (OK, so Watchmen is nearly panel-for-panel, but aside from that). Nolan was inspired by “The Man Who Falls” and “Year One” for Batman Begins, “Dark Victory” for The Dark Knight, and now he smothers the TDKR with a triumphant trio of “No Man’s Land” (Gotham under siege; government abandonment), “Knightfall” (Bane breaking The Batman; paranormal healing), and “The Dark Knight Returns” (the late return of Bruce Wayne; initial opposition from Gotham PD). Were you able to catch all of the clues for Joseph Gordon-Levitt‘s Officer Blake turning Robin/Nightwing/Dick Grayson Batman by the end of this one?

Luke: Yep. Exactly. Whereas movies like Watchmen tried to stay too close to the comic, Nolan realized, “Hey, this is a completely different medium- certain things need to be changed”. He instead focused on what makes Batman one of the greatest anti-heroes of all time- Bruce Wayne’s biggest battle is often the one he fights in his own head. He has so much darkness to deal with inside of himself, but yet he is able to do so much good for the world. All the gadgets, and cars and crazy opponents are just trimmings of the main course: man vs. himself. Beautiful. As far as Gordon-Levitt being set up as Robin, I think I figured it out about half-way through. At first I thought he might be set-up to take over the role as Batman if Bane did indeed cripple Bruce Wayne, but then I thought that Joseph wasn’t a good fit for that role… that’s when Robbin popped into my head. When did you figure it out?

Moody: I didn’t! The first time I watched the film I was in la-la-land and I don’t mean asleep or sitting courtside next to Jack Nicholson. I’d now recommend — no I insist — in repeated viewings of TDKR just to catch on with all the clues, particularly those that pertain to both Talia (the League of Shadows scar on her back, her.. accent?) and Richard “Robin” Grayson (in an early convo with Wayne, he refers to his early orphaned childhood to “wearing a mask”; Gordon tells him “anyone can be a Batman like detective now”, etc.). Hey, maybe it’s a reach. But I’m trying. So, anyway, whether Nolan and Bale decide to indeed shut their Bat-lore down for good, or pass on the torch to the co-writers, Jonathan Nolan or David S. Goyer, to write up a Batman & Robin or Nightwing film, I feel like now this just has to happen. Especially with all of those Superman & Justice League possibilities! But… it probably won’t.

Luke: I’m sure Gordon-Levitt will push for it! I had a blast sorting this all out with you, Rev. My final score for the film: 4.5 Bibles out of 5… not as good as The Dark Knight, but still pretty epic. I might even go see it again in theaters. Next time God calls me about something, I will hit you up.

Moody: And we appreciate your saintly wisdom! I’m going with 4.5, as well! For the same reasons. Go see it! Again, again and again! (Now you better send me some “free popcorn” tickets in the mail, Warner!)