At first, it would’ve been easy to comment on what a sad state a gaming empire‘s going through when your most ancipated product of the holiday season.. just so happens to be available by your main competitor (AC3).
But, then, Playstation went and nuked every press conference keypad with…
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE II
The PS3-exclusive, The Last of Us, plays like David Cronenberg’s version of Max Payne, where extreme violence and gruesome murder is justified by.. simply because…”I’ve got to protect this girl!” Sounds sort of like Cable’s Hope-less reason for trying to kill all of the Avengers.
After witnessing Tomb Raider’s Xbox footage last night (see here), I thought my jealousy for the BluRay-driven console (see: Uncharted, Resistance.. that’s it) was all but lost. And then I laughed at much of the E3 smoozefest Playstation’s hour-and-a-half of fame came off last night, ’til this little firecracker…
Tomb Raider now has a contenduh!
BOSTON BAKED BEANS
Then, of course, the gift that keeps on giving, Assassin’s Creed III:
After treading through too much of the same muddy waters in Brotherhood and Revelations (though, still pretty good), this franchises definitely needed a change-up. Now we can throw away George Washington in other, more cost-effective ways: hacking him with a hatchet.
Taking place about an hour from my old stoping grounds in and around Lexington and Concord (and Southie, you Donnies), and for much of upstate New York, AC3 is the coolest thing about the Civil War since The Rock had himself a Boston Tea Party with John Cena:
(Hey, no wrestling segment this week, had to give the kids something!)
Playstation’s other MAJOR announcements…………………
- All-Star Battle Royale has 2 distinctions: 1.) Worst name in gaming history, 2.) Being Super Sony Smash Bros. Lose.
- Playstation’s super-struggling handheld, Vita, was hardly mentioned. Not good when both Nintendo and Microsoft made announcements about tablet enhancements to their systems. Hey, at least you now have Street Fighter vs. Tekken!
- Far Cry 3 won’t be a PS3-exclusive, but they locked up the downloable content (DLC). Looks like Kahl Drago’s got himself a Dead Island.
- The new God of War: Ascension is coming out. A lot of people buy it. A lot of people like it. Cool. I guess.
- Playstation Plus will offer free popcorn to subscribers, in the addition to a few free games. And if you were one of 6 people lucky enough to attend the conference, you won a year’s free subscription. No, not to popcorn, jackass.
- Hey, next year, there’s always PS4…
We’re leaving now for E3!!! Content-mania all day when we get a chance to drink warm water from our bag, eat rusty trail mix bars and, more importantly, catch our breath! Stay tuned to @GodHatesGeeks on Twitter, friends!