BACK TO THE FUTURE / UNCANNY INHUMANS / BOOK OF DEATH / COGNETIC [Reviews]: 88 Comics Per Hour.

Thanks for tuning into yet another episode of Fistful of Comics: live edition. Once again we will be adding reviews as they come, so be sure to keep this link bookmarked and check back time after time.

Updates:

October 28Back to the Future #1, Uncanny Inhumans #1, Book of Death #4, Cognetic #1

October 26: Karnak #1, Astonishing Ant-Man #1, Justice League #45

October 24: Titans Hunt #1, The Rook #1

October 22: Chewbacca #1, The Shield #1




Back to the Future #1
BACK TO THE FUTURE #1 – IDW
"Father" Joe Tower @whateverjoe
“Father” Joe Tower
@whateverjoe

Boy, I sure wish we could hop into Doc’s DeLorean and prevent this comic from being written; neigh, pitched; neigh, conceived; neigh, more like tossed loosely over a few drinks at happy hour between Misters Gale and Barber.

And I mean, come on, Bob [Gale]… Haven’t you made enough off this franchise that you have to exploit it to this extent? Especially after the sort of magically meta-celebration of October 21st, 2015?

As a Back to the Future purist, and for those of you who I know are out there, avoid this. The issue #1 tells back-to-back tales of a Back to the Future pre-history — which, in and of itself, is something of a joke. Although I mind much less the intriguing precursor tale to Doc Brown’s involvement in The Manhattan Project, the “When Marty met Emmett” episode about the two characters’ first meeting was left better in the unwritten ether.

Dan Schoening’s (Ghostbusters, The X-Files) art in “Looking for a Few Good Scientists” is Golden Age Disney-esque, with its fine lines and retro feel, but even to look at the rest of the book is blah. Even the panel layout is, at best, reliable, but at worst, predictable. Which, for a story centered time travel, would be something to avoid. 1.21/5 Bibles. But it isn’t going to get us anywhere.




Uncanny Inhumans #1 - Marvel Comics
UNCANNY INHUMANS #1 – Marvel Comics
Jimmy "Apostolic" Cupp @thejimmycupp
Jimmy “Apostolic” Cupp @thejimmycupp

I don’t know how to feel about Inhumans in general. At first, I was ok with them because I thought they were going to be Marvel’s way of having “mutants” in their video media without saying “mutants” because they didn’t own the rights to the name. Now, they have their own comic book series. I’m starting to feel that the original “human” no longer exists in the Marvel universe. Win for Magneto!

Anyway, the story in this first book is kind of fun. Black Bolt and a couple others are on a mission to Atalla, where the gene that caused Inhumans came from. They are suddenly transported to the arctic and attacked by Kang the Conquerer, Master of Time. Someone thinks highly of himself. Then we are taken to a story happening in NYC with Medusa, the leader of the Inhumans, along with others, finishing off Chitauri warriors and signing autographs.

This is a decent introduction to the Inhumans, but writer Charles Soule (Star Wars: Lando, She-Hulk) kind of made them all talk like they were a group of Icemen. There were no character distinctions in vocabulary or choice of dialogue. The art was nice, though. Steve Mcniver, Jay Leisten, and Sunny Gho worked together to create some very familiar art and great color choices, that make the page really easy to look at and take everything in. I’ll have to see where #02 goes before I decide if this series is for me. 2.5/5 “Not-Mutants”




Book of Death #4 - Valiant Entertainment
BOOK OF DEATH #4 – Valiant Entertainment
"Saint" Patrick Obloy @OffTheGeekEnd
“Saint” Patrick Obloy
@OffTheGeekEnd

Here we are. In the last installment of the four part series, Book of Death comes to an end. Does the valiant (editor’s note – I see what you did there) Gilad complete his mission to protect Tama? Does the corrupted one, Darque, take over the power of the geomancer and lay waste to the earth? Will David see his mom again? To find that out, you will have to pick up a copy of this amazing issue.

And pick it up you should. Reading through all 4 parts, I’ve enjoyed every panel. My only complaint would be the pace of the end battle portion being a little quick, but I loved how the outcome was handled, even if it was sad. Definitely a great series to grab, and even though I own the individual comics, I will likely grab the collected volume as well. With beautiful artwork by Robert Gill and Doug Braithwaite and great writing by Robert Venditti, this comic book series shows that Valiant has some great stories on their hands. And don’t forget the many variant covers, all of which are gorgeous and made me wish I could afford them all. 4.5/5 Protectors of Earth.




Cognetic #1 - BOOM! Studios
COGNETIC #1 – BOOM! Studios
Jason "Bad Preacher" Bud
Jason “Bad Preacher” Bud

cog·net·ics /kŏg’ned-ĭks/ n. 1. The ergonomics of the soft, and delectably moist, human mind.

  1. The bioengineering of inanimate objects and/or biological organisms, to make them subordinate to and accommodating of, critical human thought processing possessed by a superior force or consciousness of undetermined morality.

Apocalyptic AmeriCon Dictionary

New Millennium Edition

BOOM! Studios Communiqué: Directive Apocalypticon, Operation Cognetic

Issued forth: Year 2015, Month October, Day 21

Herein, by official decree, set forth on this day, in accordance with the ultimate authority of Supreme Leader Ross Richie, of BOOM! Studios; continues the implementation of: Directive Apocalypticon, 2nd Phase, Operation Cognetic (Part 1 of 3). This Operation is in compliance with approved and maintained protocol initially rendered under Operation: Mimetic, of Directive Apocalypticon.

Retention of the following Commanding Officers, for this continued onslaught of human annihilation is duly noted, as follows:

General James Tynion IV, U.S. Word Corps: (Batman Eternal, Talon, The Woods).

Colonel Eryk Donovan, 1st Pencils Brigade: (Memetic, Big Trouble in Little China).

Lt. Colonel J.M. Tumburús, Colors Battalion: (Night Breed, Robocop, Evil Empire).

Major Steve “Swands” Wands, Letters Company: (Green Lantern Corps, Scalped).

If the style of this review doesn't kill you, I will.
If the style of this review doesn’t kill you, I will.

SITUATION:

The Empire State Building, 350 5th Ave, New York, NY 10118, is presently the site of anomalous activity; wherein dozens of citizens and tourists have ascended to the Observation Deck Level, and they appear to be voluntarily throwing themselves over the side of the building. It is believed a supranatural entity or consciousness may be ultimately responsible for their actions.

MISSION:

A Joint Operative Strike Team (JOST) has been assembled from our Alphabet Soup Agencies, to infiltrate, counterattack, and defeat this unknown, perilous threat. Special Agent Annie X (FBI), may possess a geneaological link to this psychic aberration. Perpetual surveillance of this asset is deemed critical.

EXECUTION:

An agglomeration of offensive measures may be authorized to attempt to contain and eliminate this potential earthly apocalypse, including coordinated strikes from: sea, air, land, chemical, biological, and digital units.

SUSTAINMENT:

A Globalized Task Force (GTF) is in the process of being commandeered, as of 0530 Hours, 21/10/2015, GMT; to assist in mitigating the potential extinction of our entire species.

COMMAND & CONTROL:

Underground Command Bunkers Whiskey Hotel and Mountain Rodeo, have been brought online; and Top Secret Security Clearance Level “L” and “Q” personnel have been mobilized to rendezvous at both locations.

“You just entered the Asshole of the World, Captain..”

3.75/5 Borgian Bunker Busters.




Karnak #1 --- Marvel Comics
KARNAK #1 – Marvel Comics
“Cardinal” Gary Brooks, facebook.com/gary.brooks

Marvel is really bringing the Inhuman’s into the forefront of the universe, as the cinematic and comic worlds continue to weave together. Warren Ellis (Hellblazer) has created an interesting, if not slow, first issue revolving around the recently resurrected character whose abilities see the weakness in all things and knowing the exact way of exploiting it.

Karnak is one part Batman, one part Magister of the Tower of Wisdom, a sort of peaceful warrior that trains other Inhumans. He’s called into action to help Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. deal with a recently exposed Inhuman son of regular human couple — who are very freaked out by their son’s recent transformation/abduction by an unknown person. Karnak and Agent Coulson’s interactions are quite funny, and their relationship will hopefully help make this book something special. Gerardo Zaffino’s almost unfinished lines and artwork works really well with Ellis’s take on the character, and creates a dark gritty feel to the book.

Karnak is in good hand’s with its new creative team, and shows a lot of potential. The pacing is kind of slow for a first issue and the artwork is a little sloppy at times, but i think we may have great new addition to the Marvel universe and the ever-growing Inhuman lore. If Ellis can do for Karnak what he has done with so many other Marvel characters, we may have something truly special on our hands. Praise be to Warren! 3.5/5 God Books.




ANT-MAN #1 - Marvel Comics
ASTONISHING ANT-MAN #1 – Marvel
Luke "Heirophant" Anderson IG @LUKEPOISONER
Luke “Heirophant” Anderson
IG @LUKEPOISONER

Catapulted back into the limelight by the perhaps unlikely success of Marvel’s recent Ant-Man movie, Scott Lang is drafted from the team books into his first ever ongoing solo book: The Astonishing Ant-Man. The movie has a lot to answer for actually, with this book expertly aping the irreverent tone and loosely comedic feel from Scott Lang’s premiere big-screen outing – and that’s not a bad thing at all. Living in Miami as a small business owner (security, of all things), former criminal and Avenger Lang has a new set of life priorities: providing for and doing right by his teenaged (recently resurrected, former Young Avenger) daughter Cassie. But in this age of tech-savvy criminals, can he keep his new life and former life separate? I’ll just spoil it all for you right now and tell you: No, he can’t. And it’s awesome.

Nick Spencer (Action Comics, Thief Of Thieves, Secret Avengers) sets his wit and imagination to work, targeting Uber and other smart-phone apps in his social commentary whilst putting our erstwhile hero through his rarely-a-dull moment daily life. Newcomer Ramon Rosanas (Spiderman 1602, Night of the Living Deadpool) is one to watch, effortlessly imbuing every page with the bright and uncluttered classic Buscema-like Marvel style, with a modern quality reminiscent of Steve Dillon’s Punisher and Preacher work.

Removed as it is from the high-stakes world of the Avengers and X-titles, this book gets the opportunity to play up the same quirky and down-beat strengths of the movie, whilst never shirking on the action. It’s a great read. If you enjoyed the movie, then buy every issue of this creative team’s run. It’s only the first issue, but my theory is that if he can carry a whole movie, then Scott Lang’s Ant-Man can carry this ongoing title, because ants are quite strong. 4/5 Criminals Seeking Redemption.




Justice League #45 --- DC Comics
JUSTICE LEAGUE #45 – DC Comics
"Deacon E" Esko @eskobts
“Deacon E” Esko
@eskobts

Ho-Lee DAMN!!! What the eff did I just stumble into? Who the eff is responsible for this? I demand answers! Geoff Johns (Green Lantern, The Flash) is this your fault? My brain is completely melted and my eyes just imploded. You wrote this didnt you? I know you did. This is all your fault.

Justice League #45 is hands down the best comic I’ve read this year. I’m clearly 44 issues late to the party, otherwise there would be a 45-way tie for the number one spot. The story is incredible. This is everything I’d wished for during the boring-ass Greek mythology lectures in high school. 99% of the comics I’ve read in my life have portrayed the battle between good and evil: sunny, happy-go-lucky super heroes fighting the dark evil that lurks in the shadows. This puts the darkness in the hero. Not just in the suit. Not just in their minds. The darkness rests in their soul. As a GOD! That hasn’t been seen before in mainstream comics, and is the last thing that would have been expected. The light of the original hero is still quite visible throughout the issue, but the darkness makes its presence very known. Especially in Superman. I mean, c’mon, how do you NOT sit down and enjoy seeing dark God powers go to your favorite super heroes?

1466883413690077250

Let’s not forget the Tag Team Art Champions of the World, Francis Manapul and Brian Buccelato (both, Detective ComicsThe Flash). The drawing itself perfectly captures the intergalactic epicness of the story as a whole. In addition to that, the varied color scheme for each hero not only separates the story into clear mini-chapters, but also blends all the story elements perfectly.

Pros and cons? This issue is essentially all pros. It’s effin’ amazing. So amazing that I’m tempted to give it a perfect score. However, I cannot, because Spider-Man didn’t get any God powers. I know there are legal reasons why Spider-Man isn’t included, in this story, but he still remains my favorite. So if we’re handing out God powers, he needs to get in on the action. Sometimes you just have to break the rules to achieve perfection 4.99999999999999/5  Mind Blown Bibles.




Kevin "Pastor" Palma @eggrollko
Kevin “Pastor” Palma
@eggrollko
The Rook #1 --- Dark Horse Comics
THE ROOK #1 – Dark Horse Comics

Time-travel stories are a tricky business, as they, more than any other type of story, tend to quickly devolve into an incomprehensible mess. The Rook #1 by Steven Grant, Paul Gulacy and Jesus Aburto avoids that trap by smartly using time-travel only as a vehicle to tell an interesting and fun action-adventure story. This issue focuses on introducing and fleshing out the main character, Restin Dane, and the other characters who will, presumably, have important roles going forward while also delivering some fun action as Dane fights a group of monsters at a college Halloween party.

The chess motif is surprisingly fun as the battle between Dane and his nemesis, Lock, is portrayed as a chess match, with each constantly trying to stay a step ahead and outsmart the other ending with what appears to be a checkmate, and the fact that Dane’s time machine is shaped like a Rook and referred to as his “Time Castle” was something absolutely delightful. There’s also a fun nod to the father of time-travel stories, along with the implication that he may have a role to play in the larger story as well. However, the biggest success of this issue is that, unlike most comics today, it clearly serves as the first chapter of a larger story while also providing a complete story with a proper conflict and resolution within it’s 22 pages. It is not just exposition and setting up a continuing arc, but actually completes a self-contained story in the process. What a quaint notion, that readers might actually want to read a story from beginning to end without having to be bogged down with exposition, right?

There are a few rough moments; the scene where Dane explains why he’s qualified to build a time machine was particularly grating. While the art was generally well-composed, the faces of certain characters seemed a little strange-looking; but overall this was a fun action-adventure story that also reads like a love letter to time-travel stories. The Rook may yet turn into a convoluted mess but, for now, it’s certainly a fun read and Grant, Gulacy and Aburto have my attention. 3.5/5 Time Castles.




Titans Hunt #1 --- DC Comics
TITANS HUNT #1 – DC Comics
"Dynast" Dana Keels IG/Twitter @hatandwand
“Dynast” Dana Keels
IG/Twitter @hatandwand

As we all know, DC’s New 52 shook up almost everything in the DC universe. Characters, storylines, and relationships were shaken from the ground up. Fast forward to now, and the ground has sifted a little more, allowing more freedom with the mythology of the past. With a title like Titans Hunt, — referencing the Marv Wolfman storyline from the 90’s — it’s immediately apparent that scribe Dan Abnett (Doctor Who, Punisher, Nova) is taking the book back to its earlier days, or at least to some semblance of them.

The book has an interesting premise: a handful of our classic Titans (some established and some no)t, have that nagging feeling in the back of their psyche. It initially plays out as a sort of psychological mystery, and all the characters have one thing in common; they remember something they don’t exactly remember, something that may or may not have actually occurred. As far as first issues go, this one is pretty solid, despite being treated to the same mini story three or four times in the same issue, most of which is nothing more than exposition and setting up of what’s to come. But what is here, shows apparent promise.

Everything is pretty solid art-wise…well as solid as can be when you have two artists working on the same book (Siqueria and Borges). Sometimes jumping from one artist to another isn’t as smooth as it should be. None of the characters exactly stand out from each other just yet, with Aqualad looking more like a classic Nightwing than anything else.

There is definitely hope for this book, although it might not be off to the greatest start. By the end, you’d be hard pressed not to find yourself a little excited for things to come. Let’s just hope they do. 3/5 Bibles.



CHEWBACCA #1 - Marvel
CHEWBACCA #1 – Marvel
Lance Paul "The Apostle" @Lance_Paul
Lance Paul “The Apostle”
@Lance_Paul

Writer Gerry Duggan (Deadpool, Hulk) opted to write a furball adventure in truly the only way one should, with only growling dialogue and absolutely no translation. Point on! Chewbacca is stranded on a planet with a bum ship, while under repairs he stumbles upon a slave on the run from the empire in need of saving.

From a slave’s origin story to a family predicament, Chewbecca #1 finds its nest when our furry hero decides to take lounge under the sun in a field of flowers, eyes closed with the slightest hint of a smile on his lips. Artist Phil Noto (Black Widow) illustrates this beautifully, showing how serene and lovable Chewie has always been across a stunning splash page. Its art like this that reminds you how much comics can be an artform beyond telling nerd stories.

Chewie’s peaceful day is soon ruined by his crashed ship and his new Oliver Twist little slave partner. Noto’s masterful illustrations perfectly convey Chew’s lack of spoken language with small facial acting and clear body language. The silent feel to the issue reminds this Traveling Nerd of one of my favorite Hawkeye issues dealing with his dog Lucky. Chewbacca #1 is a great little read and elegant in its simplicity. This little adventure in a galaxy far, far, far away will have you smiling and looking forward to issue two. 4.25/5 Furballs agree!




THE SHIELD #1 - Dark Circle Comics
THE SHIELD #1 – Dark Circle Comics
Derek "Divine" Vigeant @uncledarryl37
Derek “Divine” Vigeant
@uncledarryl37

The idea of a lead character getting amnesia and not knowing where they came is pretty much now a genre itself (see: The Bourne Identity, Blindspot). It makes for an interesting way to get going on the action of the story without having to dwell on the possibily dull origin of a characters motivation. And with that, we have The Shield, starring Michael Chiklis and Roman Reigns. I kid. Rather, Adam Christopher (Made to Kill) and Chuck Wendig (Star Wars: Aftermath) presents a woman who is struggling with the fact that she has memories from lives she’s lived in the past — being a soldier in the Revolutionary War and WWI — but no recollection of the actual experiences or how she has realistically lived through all these events. She has people chasing after to her for reasons unknown to her while dealing with the fact that she can survive injuries from rolling off the hood of a taxi cab accident.

Of course, we know that there is a group pursuing with a crazed fixation on capturing her. But the only thing more scarier than the plot is whoever gave that guy his haircut and wardrobe, which looks like someone who went to his high school prom in the 80’s and never got his dance. I’m very keen on the brisk pace and extreme circumstances of Victoria Adams (she at least finds out her name) having to stay on the run in light of her confusion–so long as they start giving some more clues or stories to help her because there’s nothing worse than when a writing team tries to milk this trick too long. I don’t need a full reveal but at least drop some bread crumbs so we know where were going. 2.75/5 Bibles.

HALO 5 – GUARDIANS [Review]: The Truth is (Still) Out There.

Two years after the release of Microsoft’s Xbox One console, Halo 5: Guardians has finally arrived — with things a bit different this time around. Master Chief is no longer the lone protagonist, and it’s up to Agent Jameson Locke and his Osiris Fireteam to #HuntTheTruth: Locate and rescue Spartan program creator, Dr. Catherine Halsey, and bring in a suddenly defiant John-117. Naturally, Chief has a quartet of Blue Spartans-IIs of his own, and it’s unknown throughout much of the campaign as to whether players are controlling a good-man-gone-bad, or just a man set with a differing ideology of circumstance…

Throughout this story-mode “journey for the truth” players will see missions that showcase both Locke and Chief, with a new team accompaniment of Spartans that will answer your general’s ever beck and call, including the ability to revive you whenever you go down. Of course these time-specific revives make more sense with the Fireteam (i.e. targeting specific enemies; directing your ‘mates to use vehicles/turrets or pick up special weapons), since both Chief and Linda-058 have always been known as lone wolves. It feels a little strange, especially on Heroic or Legendary difficulty (which you can only change during mission menu screens), to see either one constantly asking for assists. Either way, the new team dynamic gives Halo 5‘s campaign a refresher the franchise needs.

It shouldn’t be a surprise, then, when I tell you that the star of this show is former ODST Spartan-IV Eddie Buck (voiced by geek-icon Nathan Fillion). His gung-ho, charismatic marine adds a boatload of personality to a video game series not known for much of that, especially his play off of the more stern Locke. Players will also hear constant contexual party chatter (ala Dragon Age Inquisition) while traversing the missions with their team specified Spartans, who all have differing roles, weapon abilities, and HUDs — which becomes that much more apparent in co-op. Of course, this is the first Halo game with no split-screen — tell ’em why you mad, son! — but that fact makes more sense when taken under consideration that H5G is also the first Halo game to feature drop-in/drop-out online co-op.

I almost subtitled this review: Firefly. #TooEasy
I almost subtitled this review: Firefly. #TooEasy

Also, if you played the beta that took place at the end of last year, then you already know about the new gameplay enhancements a.k.a. “Spartan abilities” that work in all modes: thruster pack (used for a swift dodge boost, which will be a must in the campaign’s later stages but can often be too much of a good thing in multiplayer), a very useful and smooth clamber (the double climb is awesome for vaulting ledges in H5G‘s far more vertical experience), charge (a shoulder melee that can both down enemies and bash through walls to discover alternate routes), slide, ground pound, and modern COD-inspired smart scope (you can now iron sight/aim any weapon! What a “sin”!). Given that these new abilities will give your Spartan some much needed mobilization, your usual “run/cover/shoot” regimen makes battles that much more exciting and strategic. Best of all, there is a new, sort of “detective mode” with Artemis Tracking, which allows Osiris soldiers to highlight and discover those same routes, data chips and weapons of importance.

Fans of.. oh.. say.. Destiny will likely feel different about how the weapons in Halo 5 feel and respond (i.e. it’s widely argued that the Magnum, or just about any other Pistol ROF not named the MD6 is now nerfed — especially in comparison to last winter’s beta); but, for the most part, gun-fiends will be pleased with what they find: Some of my favorites throughout my time with Campaign, Arena, and Warzone were the DMR-infused Light Rifle (which feels like being inside Iron Man’s HUD when scoped; funny, since Olympia Vale is sort of a “Rescue” Pepper Potts), the Forerunner assault Suppressor, Boltshot, Binary laser, Hydra launcher (essential for killing those Hulk-smashing Hunters), Linda’s camouflage Nornfang sniper, and, Allen Iverson’s favorite gat, “The Answer”. You’ll be happy to know that big guns are everywhere in every mode, too, as in addition to the usual high-jacking of ghosts and banshees, your Spartans can exchange rifles with each other or random soldiers–even of the Sangheili.

How YOU doin'?
Mega-TRON.

The first thing I noticed once H5G took 200-hours to upload onto my console (I kid, I kid) was how great it sounded in Dolby surround. From the titillating soundtrack that brings back the classic Halo theme from Combat Evolved with new hints of triumphant Avengersesque horns, to the creepy 80s-inspired fusion of Mass Effect-meets-Blood Dragon, the new Halo is a joy to the eardrums.

It also doesn’t hurt to start the game in epic fashion, as your new fireteam begins battle in something that resembles a ginormous aquarium. 343 paid great attention to detail in many of the environments’ landscapes, as most missions and levels have all the feel of a giant space opera–background spaceship warfare included. The gorgeously rendered cinematics don’t hurt, either. Adding more authenticity to the campaign is the different tension of the missions, with Chief’s beginning as the dark and misty, chemical-filled Dead Space/Alien horror to the Spartan-IV’s more Transformers vibe of grand explosion; the intergalactic scenery raises the stakes a bit, with booming portals, lighting fast Covenant ships, majestic plant life that wildly sways back and forth, little bugs and sea slugs that crawl beneath the bush, and impressively weather-worn meteoric rock and volcanic structures. Just wait ’til you parishionerds get to Mission 10, which offers some goose-bump inducing Pre-Covenant architecture.

Let's go sci-ing?
Let’s go sci-ing?

Because of the team dynamic, areas are far more open and vehicles become an even more essential part of the game. Thankfully Warthogs — despite still being a bit of a pain in the ass to drive — move more fluid than ever before, and the Mantis, Mongoose, and Wraiths are all the more pleasure to steer. My only issues with vehicle play were the overall lack of enemies to take on during the quick Warthog chase interludes, and AI teammates that were downright horrible drivers. Hell, that’s if they even moved anywhere. Turrets also seem useless (unless you command one of your squadron to man them), as I often killed too many grunts before their use or got blown up too many times in the process. And with more access to vehicles and turrets comes smarter, more intense Hunters and Elites…and some largely unforgiving checkpoints. Cooler, the campaign gets significantly more difficult as it goes on and you wind up in the trippy technogalaxy of the Forerunners.

There are a few hiccups along the way. Some campaign missions are too short and should perhaps be labeled “interludes” instead; I mean, there are a few moments where you actually stop to talk to characters for no reason (other than for some moments of mindless expository time-kill) and then go run to some CPU gadget at the end of the road with the level abruptly moving onto the next. Then again, you have the aforementioned Mission 10, which is sprawlingly epic and could take a couple hours to finish alone. There is a clunky underwater/half above river vision moment that would have served better if there was actually something to find. But, in addition to one minor frame-rate hiccup in my 9-10 hours of Normal and Heroic campaign time (at a very eye-pleasing 60fps), there was only one other odd moment: no matter how many times this particularly paralyzed Jackal was pistol-whipped and shot, the undead — and nonetheless discombobulated  — alien just wouldn’t die.

There's gotta be a book around here somewhere...
There’s gotta be a book around here somewhere…

And then there is “the ending”. Since we aren’t allowed to spoil anything here, just let me tell you that it comes faster than you think, and not all is resolved. You’ve got to watch all the web and animated series, listen to all the podcasts, and buy all the novels and comics for that. Worst yet, despite an ongoing and evolving war with the semi-interesting Warden Eternal (who took me only 30-seconds to beat initially, but gets far more dangerous the more consecutive times you face him and his cronies), there is no boss battle at the end of Halo 5: Guardians. To some, that beats the flick of a joystick during a mere QTE; to many others, it will feel like the end of Halo 2 all over again.

Maybe “the hunt” is the reason for far more Locke-centered missions in the game than those with Master Chief; still, since Halo has always been about the Master Chief, I figured at the very least that missions would shift back and forth — but you’ll likely play a few hours before returning to any of the Blue Team excursions. My roommate asked me what I thought of Agent Locke as a character, and the best I could answer to him was “good” (which means “boring”). Yeah, there’s a whole lot of mumbo jumbo leading up to their face-off, but nothing too critical comes out of it. Great marketing campaign, Microsoft, but as far as the story goes I’ve go to take a cue from The X-Files: the truth is apparently still out there…somewhere.

Halo Ultimate Team. HUT! HUT!
Halo Ultimate Team. HUT! HUT!

Getting down to logistics, the Halo 5: Guardians campaign should take roughly 6-7 hours on Normal, 9-10 on Heroic, God-knows-how-many on Legendary; of course, co-op and gameplay abilities pending. Arena matches are fast-paced “Call of Duty-type” match-ups — team deathmatch Slayer, pistol-only SWATNums, and territory-capture Strongholds — made with eSports in mind, and will be frustrating for larger map multiplayers like me, who don’t have the time or hand-eye precision of a 13-year old kid from Missouri. Gratefully, the level of Spartan customization in multiplayer is second to none, with a near infinite number of cosmetic unlocks. Warzone is the big one, however, this year, and those 12-player team matches can last anywhere from 10 to an epic 25-minutes. There’s a lot of fun and frustration in having to balance both objective (take down your Spartan opponents, in addition to easy-to-tough CPU-handled Covenant and Promethean drones/bosses, on your way to controlling 3 bases or earning 1000 points before they do) and location (since most match-ups will offer quite many), and whenever your pals/enemies are shielded, it can be a little difficult to tell who is on your team or not in the killing field. Expect a little bit of “friendly” until you get a grip with it.

Of course my prerelease experience (alongside multiplayer game expert “Papa Justified”) with Warzone was limited, as more playlists will be available at launch and the future; but I really enjoyed the teamwork, random boss battles and the frantic nuttiness that sorta reminded me of any fun I had playing Titanfall and Battlefront‘s 40-player “Walker Assault”. If any Halo will be played past the onslaught of November gaming releases, then Warzone will be the hours spent playing. Unloading on the other team from a Scorpion or Phaeton was an immense thrill, and loading times were also fast between matches. There’s good news for those smart enough to play the beta a year ago as well, as you’ll be rewarded with special emblems, XP boosts, and REQuisition packs (weapon and armor mods and skins ala “burn cards”). In all, there is plenty to enjoy and love about 343’s long-awaited, beefy and technically impressive 3 mode-driven Halo 5: Guardians.

Just don’t expect the campaign to be the instant classic story it has largely been set up to be.

3.75 (out of 5) Covenant Bibles.
3.75 (out of 5) Covenant Bibles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Microsoft/343 Industries’ Halo 5: Guardians can only be purchased for the Xbox One tomorrow, October 26.

GHG MOVIE POWER RANKINGS [October]: Straight Outta Congregation.

Taking a note from sports publications such as CBS and ESPN, we’ve got this little new feature at GodHatesGeeks called the Power Rankings. What this means is that our nerd-clergy will rank the very best of 4 mediums of this year’s popular geek culture, including movies, TV shows, video games, and comics (both Big 2 & Indy) that are unreleased for 2015, as well. Rankings are based on the following: hype/expectation, reviews/criticism, and sales/buzz.

How this list was compiled: 1.) All of our 2015 movie reviews, 2.) Our most anticipated movies left, 3.) We factored in the website’s general opinion, 4.) We asked ourselves: is the hype of “Film A” bigger than the overall reception of “Film B”?, 5.) We also considered movies that did well on Blu Ray, and have a better chance of being purchased this holiday.

Also, feel free to click on the following titles for links to any previews and reviews we have on these hot geek items!



Top 25 Geek Movies of 2015 for the month of OCTOBER

1.) Star Wars – Episode VII: The Force Awakens

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I mean, really. The Force truly woke the fuck up the other night, when all first-day ticket sales were demolished. According to Forbes, SWTFA made up for 95% of all purchases on MovieTickets; SWTFA sold $5.5 million more than any previous IMAX movie; SWTFA sold 700% higher than any previous first day film on Fandango; and SWTFA sold 10 times as many tickets as the previous one-day record-setter at AMC Theaters. Uh-huh — Episode 7 has a chance to break every movie record ever, at the set of $1.5 billion or higher. Do you really want me to get into theme parks and merchandise? Star Wars is a monster right now, and not even a movie containing Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman can touch the end of its lightsaber. As far as the movie itself, its extended “fan-made” trailer is putting grown men in tears. The only way I’m not going to cry after my initial December 18th viewing is if I don’t get to see it again. That night. – Travis Moody


2.) Mad Max: Fury Road

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Words such as face-melting, adrenaline-fueled, high octane, nitro-injected thrill-ride, barely scratch at the gloriously-irradiated surface of this brutal, action-packed masterpiece. The franchise set the bar for the entire post-apocalyptic genre 30 years ago, and with this installment, Mad Max: Fury Road, has strapped a hydrogen bomb to that bar and catapulted a Warboy brandishing a grenade-tipped spear at it. Tom Hardy’s gravelly baritone rumbles in the background as we watch him attempt to escape a horde of fearsome, powder-painted men in a signature ‘show don’t tell’ style that could serve as a teaching tool for young film-makers. MMFR‘s rampaging chase, stunt work and CG blends into a seamless torrent of beautifully-choreographed violence that spills from vehicle to vehicle with brutal efficiency and elegant chaos, pushed ever forward by Junkie XL’s heart-pounding, percussive music score that’s both primal and sophisticated. If you enjoy things that are fucking awesome, this movie is for you. – Adam Mondschein


3.) Straight Outta Compton

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In Straight Outta Compton, you are completely immersed in the lives of N.W.A and taken for the wild ride that was their rise to fame and the Aftermath of the success. The performances were so impressive, I thought little known actor Corey Hawkins was actually the son of the mothafuckin’ D.R.E. Of course, there’s no mistaking the man playing Ice Cube, as it’s none other than Co-Producer Oshea Jackson’s son, Oshea Jackson Jr. The likeness is daunting — and OJJ def. captures his daddy’s whole “goin’ for dolo” vibe — to say the least. More important to the film than just appearance, SOC avoids the use of exaggerated West Coast accents and over-dramatized culture typically portrayed in films of this genre, opting for more of the natural. The persona of each character is unique and true to life, so much so, that I have a freshly renewed fear of Suge Knight and a new respect for Ice Cube. Hell has frozen over. Pigs are flying. Call me completely impressed. – Esko Robinson


4.) The Revenant

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The Revenant is Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu’s grand follow-up to last year’s Birdman, with Leonardo DiCaprio as an early 19th Century explorer dealing with cold winters, Native Americans and a near fatal bear attack. Yeah–it seems that Inarritu doesn’t believe in making a movie the easy way. With Birdman, he shot all the scenes in one long take. With The Revenant, the only lighting the director used was natural (i.e. sun, fires, etc.), which, of course, caused all sorts of problems. According to the Hollywood Reporter the production cost higher than intended ($95 to $135 million); it was also supposed to have wrapped back in March, but just recently rolled into August — all of which also caused friction on set, leading to many crew members resigntation. Of course, much of this forced Inarritu to go off the rails, which makes The Revenant a still very likely contender for Best Picture. And you may have heard it features a few guys named DiCaprio and Hardy (who had to drop out of Suicide Squad for this one, which might tell you something). Sure, the movie might be about surviving in the wilderness; but the question remains: Will Inarritu survive the outcome of this production? – Robert Bexar


5.) Inside Out

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Inside Out successfully does what no other formal educational tool before could ever do — successfully give a reference point that both adults and children could use to discuss fairly complex emotional and psychological concepts. Pixar has, for the most part, been great at packaging fun, effective storytelling with classic, universal themes; but with Inside Out they have innovated the core idea of the “life lesson” in animated films without sacrificing any of their well renowned polish. All the trappings of their fun, adventure movies are still in tact as IO takes beautifully developed characters through an honest, thought-out narrative with all the gorgeous visual cohesion that is to be expected from anything affiliated with the House of Mouse. The jokes aimed at kids are broad enough to be enjoyed by adults, while the “grown up” jokes aren’t just hacky double entendres — they’re legitimately sophisticated and fit within the world of the story. I challenge anyone to come up with a film more successful at conveying the message that sadness is not only an okay emotion to experience, but a necessary emotion to embrace in order to become a well adjusted human being. – Myke Ladiona


6.) Sicario “The tension in this movie had me squirming in my seat like a televangelist at the Spearmint Rhino.” – Derek Vigeant

7.) The Martian “After a few laughs, great tragedies, lots of tears, and awesome astrophysical endeavors, The Martian is a movie that will definitely hold on its own in 2015.” – Eva Ceja

8.) The Hateful Eight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnRbXn4-Yis

9.) Mission Impossible: Rogue NationRogue Nation offers an array of death-defying thrills, and it’s arguable that three of the film’s stunts will get the heart beating faster than any other previous installment.”- Travis Moody

10.) Ex MachinaEx Machina‘s cohesive tone is helped by a steady, methodical pacing that gives equal weight to the plot developments as it does to the philosophical inquiries.” – Myke Ladiona

11.) Ant-Man “Being that this is a film about a shrinking man and a robbery that is aided by ants, the action sequences are pretty unique and the creative force behind this movie allowed themselves to have some fun.” – Ryan Scott

12.) What We Do in the Shadows “This film is brilliantly staged, and each character is given enough backstory to make them fascinating and hilarious at the same time — all which gives it a great emotional core.” – J.L. Caraballo

13.) Black Mass “With his balding-slick graying hair, rotten front teeth, and a ratty snout only a motha could love, Depp gives Whitey an Oscar-nominated worthy spin of The Shining macabre.” – Travis Moody

14.) Bridge of Spies

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyFAn5IaFS0

15.) Macbeth

16.) Terminator: Genisys “The sheer terror and horror of this fifth Terminator film is far more effective than the rest.” – Travis Moody

17.) Turbo Kid “The movie does not believe it is smarter than its own conventions, nor does it ask the audience to do that either; Turbo Kid has enough heart and information to care about the characters and enjoy the story.” – J.L. Caraballo

18.) Dope

19) Avengers: Age of Ultron “It was a lot of fun!” – Travis Moody

20.) The Man from U.N.C.L.E. “This movie could’ve been a totally different film if the musical choices or editing had been in the hands of lesser individuals.” – Lance Paul

21.) Spectre 007

22.) Krampus

23.) Furious 7

22.) Everest “With a such a strong cast and the biggest Mother Nature star in the background, the film’s true lacking is humanizing characters.” – Lance Paul

23.) Kingsman: Secret Service “As cool as the action is in this flick — especially that OMG moment in the church! — most of the action comes across as just plain cartoonish or video-gamey.” – JaDarrel Belser

24.) *TIE* Minions / The Good Dinosaur

25.) San AndreasSan Andreas may be the most entertaining disaster movie to come out in quite some time — even if it is a bit cheese ball.” – Ryan Scott

CRIMSON PEAK [Review]: Alice in Lokiland.

Gilded Age ingénue, Edith Cushing (Alice in Wonderland‘s Mia Wasikowska), endeavours to execute literary tales of gothic grandeur. After a ghastly greeting by her mother’s apparition, she delivers an ominous omen. With heartstrings torn between the love for her childhood confidant, Dr. Alan McMichael (Sons of Anarchy‘s Charlie Hunnam), and the tempestuous titillations of the darkly dashing mystery man, Sir Thomas Sharpe (Loki a.k.a. Tom Hiddleston), Edith enlists her inner adventuress and adjourns to England. It is there, that she will again encounter the echoes of her past, alongside the unforeseen agony asylumed within the carnal prison they call, Crimson Peak

The Golgothan genius of Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Pan’s Labyrinth) goes American Gilded Age with a bit of the ole Victorian English spit polish, drizzled right down the horror vacui chute of no return in his latest cinematic installment of mystery and mayhem. Crimson Peak (2015) drives us deeply into an illuminated urbanity set within the industrialized East Coast of a late 19th Century United States, like a silver stake searching for Nosferatu’s pulsating black heart.

Dan Lauststen’s (Silent Hill, Brotherhood of the Wolf) mastery of the camera lens, delivers del Toro’s gothically-mad vision with steampunkian-precision– despite the fact that the High Definition Video medium often does a disservice to this dastardly tale, due to the crisply registered surface of its digital nature. My eyes were longing for a more traditional, filmic veneer, layered atop the lush phantasmagoria gushing about in this jaunt of jouissance.

Had only this Gilded Nightmare of Innocence Lost been rendered in actual film stock, bleeding the lush and organic smudges, scratches, grains, and burns inherent within that phenomenal medium, this del Toroian tale would have been far more frightening, as the visceral qualities it portends would have boiled more cauldronly before our gaping eye holes.

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They left me out of Age of Ultron for…THIS!

Despite all of its ravenously insatiable surface, and del Toro’s attention to delivering a Crimson Peak world in astonishing detail, he largely fails in subverting the gothic horror genre he allegedly intended to tatter. The foundation supporting this monstrosity lacks any significant spine, and the hollow bones beneath it all are brittle fallen leaves crumbled into powder and dust. We are given the ages-old haunted house horror story set-up that many of us love as children this time of year; yet those nostalgic tales of what-goes-bump-in-the-night, coupled with all of the horror porn of our sinfully digital present have largely desensitized us to such degree, that few will find themselves horrified in any way here.

Had del Toro and co-writer Matt Robbins (Mimic) gone back to the graveyard to resurrect the best of Hitchcockian terror, had they unearthed the essence of the psychological tropes that true master had employed in his oeuvre of masterpieces (ranging from such visions as The Birds, Psycho, Rear Window, or Vertigo), then perhaps Crimson Peak might actual send some ghastly shivers into the movie seat.

3 (out of 5) Grave Robber Barons.
3 (out of 5) Grave Robber Barons.

GHG VIDEO GAME POWER RANKINGS [October]: The Chief Awakens.

Taking a note from sports publications such as CBS and ESPN, we’ve got this little new feature at GodHatesGeeks called the Power Rankings. What this means is that our nerd-clergy will rank the very best of 4 mediums of this year’s popular geek culture, including movies, TV shows, video games, and comics (both Big 2 & Indy) that are unreleased for 2015, as well. Rankings are based on the following: hype/expectation, reviews/criticism, and sales/buzz.

How this list was compiled: 1.) All of our 2015 video game reviews, 2.) Our most anticipated games left, 3.) We factored in the website’s general opinion, 4.) We asked ourselves: is the hype of “Game A” bigger than the overall reception of “Game B”?, 5.) We also considered games that still have replay value, and have a better chance of being purchased this holiday.

Also, feel free to click on the following for links to any previews and reviews we have on these hot geek items!



Top 25 Video Games of 2015 for the month of OCTOBER

1.) Fallout 4
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No surprise here. This might be the most anticipated video game of all time. The now-famed “Pipboy Edition” immediately sold out the night the game was announced (at this past June’s first ever Bethesda press conference), and geeks (including yours truly) are going bananas over merchandise–without ever having played the series before. Hey, the game is set in Boston! Seriously, though, how many times have you heard the following: “Not buying shit till Fallout 4“; “(So and so) is only GOTY till FO4 comes out”; and “I never ordered a special collector’s edition before, but…” Yup. There hasn’t been a bad thing said about this game yet. Even when some critics weren’t wowed by the initial footage’s visuals, optimism lays true in every other aspect of the game. It’s your award to lose, Bethesda. (Trending N/A; Last Month N/A)Travis Moody


2.) Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

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MGSV: TPP is the crowning achievement of Hideo Kojima’s career that has sadly come to an end with Konami. The choices and options the player is given allows a variety of gameplay, including the always intriguing Metal Gear mix of silly and serious. Gameplay is still tight and the sneaking mechanics are still some of the best in the business. Yet while the credits before and after missions are annoying — because it breaks the cohesion of the storytelling — each mission feels important to the story or to Mother Base. With Metal Gear Online now available, there is enough content to leave MGSV spinning in your disc tray: A must play for any fan of the series. – Spencer Fawcett and Michelle Kisner

 


3.) The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt

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If a video game were a piece of fine art, this game would be the mothafreakin’ Mona Lisa. Everything in this massive, mystical world is highly detailed and textured and the story blends together like an orgasmic fruity cocktail; climate change, day/night cycle and sheer beauty of The Wild Hunt will have you in awe. While many will choose to follow the main story, the multitude of side quests provide an intense and wonderful added experience; not to mention DLC that is as fantastic as the rest of the game. Regardless of what you already know of Geralt of Rivia, the best story will be the one you create for yourself based on how you interact with the world around you. All the familiar game mechanics that have defined multiple-ending RPG’s are noticeably absent; you don’t get certain powers just because you’ve become a monster-hunting Sith Lord. – Mark Majndle, Patrick Obloy and Myke Ladiona


4.) Halo 5: Guardians

H5G_BoxArtFinal-Front

The battle in video games is no longer between the PS4 and Xbox One. Oh, no, no. The current war is between two gigantic sci-fi franchises: Star Wars and Halo. Sure, there’s no doubt that the multi-console Battlefront will outsell Halo 5 (I mean.. it’s Star Wars, bro!). But if you were to ask anybody in terms of quality which game they would rather play a month ago, Battlefront would have rolled off 90% of tongues faster than any lightsaber. However! After BF‘s enjoyable, yet problematic beta, and the good, early buzz on Halo 5: Guardians‘ campaign, General Locke and Master Chief may have the sleight hand (pun intended) over Luke and his Father. Sure, we’ll still have to wait a few days before the buzz on MP and H5G‘s hotly frenatic War Zone mode, but it’s widely apparent that 343 Industries is aiming past all its cynics to possible GOTY contention. We’re only one week away from knowing that. – Travis Moody


5.) Star Wars Battlefront

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Battlefront delivers on its promise of being a ridiculously fun, authentic Star Wars experience. Whether defending the pod or waging war in the epic battleground of Hoth, beta players were able to fly X-Wings and TIE Fighters and confront Vader and Skywalker, all the while blasting each other (Rebel or Imperial) into oblivion. DICE also maximizes the IP’s sound authenticity, from roaring air strikes to booming AT-AT footsteps. Fun aside, there are issues needing correction before the final release. The inability to start your own game with your own party, or switch team sides to join friends was a bit shocking. But since most blasters offered devastating range and power, everyone is forced to play smart and use cover tactically. Front lines are also usually being formed giving players organic, non-cheap flanking opportunities. All of this bodes well for the game’s release. – Dana Keels, Spencer Fawcett and Myke Ladiona


6.) Bloodborne “It has all the difficulty and dark tone of Dark Souls meets the hack-and-slash of Devil May Cry.” – Kenny Sanders

7.) NBA 2K16  “The game’s only fouls are in its biggest innovations and none of them are flagrant.” – Myke Ladiona

8.) Call of Duty: Black Ops III “Bravo, Treyarch – you made a believer out of me again.” – Danny Witt

9.) Destiny: The Taken KingThe Taken King is a success on many fronts, showing players that, yes, Bungie does listen to its audience.” – Danny Witt

10.) Just Cause 3JC3 looks like the game adaptation of The Expendables with its cinematically-epic explosions, a warlords worth of weaponry, and the most useful grappling hook and wing suit the world has ever seen.” – Esko Robinson

11.) Rise of the Tomb Raider “My fears are calmed; the team at Crystal Dynamics seems to have the extra budget to create a better, more well-rounded game.” – Stephanie Panisello

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB8nQJItnq0

12.) Forza Motorsport 6 “Despite a few minor chinks on its ultra shiny polish, Forza 6 is still above and beyond every other racing sim on the market.” – Travis Moody

13.) Mad Max “Whether you decide to pay full price now or wait until it drops in a year, put Mad Max on your list of games to play.” – Patrick Obloy

14.) WWE 2K16 “We can only pray to the wrestling gods — no, not you JBL — that WWE 2K16 delivers much in similar fashion to the NBA 2K franchise.” – Kenny Sanders

15.) Batman: Arkham Knight “Since Arkham Knight is the ending of this Batman game, Rocksteady is giving you the full bang.” – Richard Zom

16.) Mortal Kombat X “A solid, good game!” – Spencer Fawcett

17.) Dying LightDying Light is a roller coaster of fast-paced action and slow, steady, terrifying suspense.” – Esko Robinson

18.) FIFA 16 “There’s far more grit between the turf than any other previous FIFA, with more physical midfield exchanges, gaps covered, and passes deflected and intercepted.” – Travis Moody

19.) Until Dawn “The script, acting, and visuals come together to provide a fully addicting, fascinating game that can be played over and over for different results.” – Sarah Obloy

20.) Rainbow Six Siege “If you can find a team that communicates, Siege may have a chance of NOT feeling like every other online military shooter on the market.” – Myke Ladiona

21.) Madden NFL 16 “Holy Gronk at an after party with a bunch of rowdy BU sorority girls, the gameplay this year has taken a huge step up.” – Guy Copes

22.) Gears of War: Ultimate Edition “For $40, you’re getting an absolutely gorgeous version of one of the best games of all time.” – Travis Moody

23.) Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate “Evie’s chameleon powers and sneaky maneuvers are an interesting change, and could make many jump back into a franchise they sworn off.” – Sarah Obloy

24.) Everybody’s Gone To Rapture “The world is immersive, awe-inspiring and haunting all at the same time and the graphics are some of the best this console generation has seen yet.” – Myke Ladiona

25.) Need For Speed “The new Fast & Furious-inspired “street icon” story package rides the franchise of any generic narratives and characters–with some real dudes.” – Travis Moody

SPIDER-MAN 2099 / G.I. JOE / GUARDIANS of the GALAXY / A TRAIN CALLED LOVE [Reviews]: Cobra World Order.

Another week, another mega-ton of #1’s and turning points, anniversary issues and new beginnings. It’s our Fistful of Comics: live edition. Once again we will be adding reviews as they come, so be sure to keep this link bookmarked and check back time after time.

But make haste, Gothametropolis is waiting…

Updates:

October 18 – Spider-Man 2099 #1, A Train Called Love #1, G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – Cobra World Order PreludeGuardians of the Galaxy #1, Book of Death: The Fall of X-O Manowar #1
October 16 – Captain America: Sam Wilson #1, Goon in Theatre Bizarre #1, Spider-Gwen #1, New Avengers #1
October 15 – Batman/Superman #25, TMNT #50, The Twilight Children #1, Dead Vengeance #1



SPIDER-MAN 2099 #1 - 2015
SPIDER-MAN 2099 #1 (2015) – Marvel
"Dynast" Dana Keels @hatandwand
“Dynast” Dana Keels
@hatandwand

Okay, so Peter David‘s (All-New X-Factor, Secret Wars 2099) latest volume of Spiderman 2099 is off to a really, really…slow start. Post Secret Wars, Miguel O’Hara finds himself in the modern day Marvel Universe. Along with Miles, Peter, Silk, and Spider-Woman–that’s a whole lot of arachnids in the city. The first issue deals with O’Hara, an executive at Parker Industries, adapting to modern day life (at least modern for us) and romances and all that spider-tingling stuff. But ultimately, it’s hard to care about what’s really going on. I mean, yeah, there’s some interesting set up going on, along with a surprising cliffhanger, but nothing resonates. The art by Will Sliney (Farscape, Astonishing Ant-Man) doesn’t help too much. While drawn beautifully, it all feels a little too artificial, with too many “action figure” poses at the expense of what would be better for the story. Overall, this intro is a bit too uninspiring for my tastes, but with any luck issue #2 can liven up this cult-favorite spider series.
 2/5 Future Bibles.




A TRAIN CALLED LOVE #1 - Dynamite
A TRAIN CALLED LOVE #1 – Dynamite
"Father" Sean Farrell
“Father” Sean Farrell -Special Guest Writer-

Garth Ennis. Rom-Com. Those words go together in your head like a cheese grater and an intimate embrace. Do we quickly forget that Preacher was filled with romance? Jessie & Tulip drove that book and kept it on course. So with this kept in mind — I give you a Romantic Comedy by Garth. Part 1 of 10. Mark Dos Santos (Imperial, Red City) on art has an animated cartoon style that helps sell the humor without it feeling “all ages”. Because this book isn’t. Sex, violence and nudity! All three at once! We’re introduced to a colorful cast of characters that all seem to be connected to one another somehow. A singer in a band who hates the play list; a group of friends whose black friend has an interesting afternoon with the parents of the WASPY girl he’s tutoring; and the woman who’s ignoring her mother’s calls, while at the same time tracking down the skeevy pervert leaving messages on her answering machine. Did I leave anyone out? Oh– there’s an assassin and some crazy German hitmen as well. It’s pure Garth Ennis. It’s the unhinged and uninhibited Rom-Com you wish your girlfriend guilted you into taking her to see on her birthday. Thanks, Dynamite. 3/5 Bibles.




GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #1 - Marvel
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #1 (2015) – Marvel
Ryan "Salvation" Scott @radio_adventure
Ryan “Salvation” Scott
@radio_adventure

The Guardians of the Galaxy are back for their first post-not-quite-post-Secret Wars romp and fortunately for readers, Brian Michael Bendis (Ultimate Spider-Man, Powers) is back. However, thanks to Secret Wars, things are a bit messy this time around.

The gang is up to the same type of space adventures we’ve come to expect, but looks a bit different. The Thing (yes, that big orange rock from Fantastic Four!) is now flying around with Rocket, Groot, Drax and…Kitty Pryde, who is moonlighting as Star Lord, because he is moonlighting as his own dad. Like I said, messy. Oh, and Gamora shows up later because there’s a big bad guy who wants something that the Guardians found (stole) in their travels. A fine issue, sure. But would no doubt be confusing for anyone not keeping up with continuity. 3.5/5 Stolen Bibles.




GI JOE: ARAH - COBRA WORLD ORDER PRELUDE - IDW
GI JOE: A.R.A.H. – COBRA WORLD ORDER PRELUDE – IDW
"Cardinal" Roberto de Bexar @RobBex2
“Cardinal” Roberto de Bexar @RobBex2

GI Joe: A Real American Hero – Cobra World Order Prelude — long enough title for ya? — is the latest Joe story written by legendary GI Joe scribe Larry Hama, who has been writing the series on and off since 1982, and art by S.L. Gallant. I’ve read plenty of Hama’s Joe books in the past, and he’s always had a great way of telling the story due to the fact that he was always allowed to tell the story that he wants to tell. Cobra World Order, however, gives the feeling that he was both rushed and told “you need to explain all of Cobra and the history and the various Joes and all in one issue”. This book seems like it should have been a one off or more of a “history of” issue instead of a #1. It just doesn’t hook me like previous Joe books have, especially those from Hama. On the flip side of the story telling is Gallant’s artwork, which, while very good at his storytelling aspect, left me feeling kind of “eh” about it. A lot of the panels looked like the back panel of GI Joe action figure packages. With the price of comic books these days, I’m going to have to recommend a hard pass on this book unless you had any questions about the GI Joe universe, because this book answers almost everything. COOBBRRAAAA!!! 1/5 Hisstanks.




***EARLY REVIEW***

BOOK OF DEATH: THE FALL OF X-O MANOWAR #1 - Valiant
BOOK OF DEATH: THE FALL OF X-O MANOWAR #1 – Valiant
"Cardinal" Roberto de Bexar @RobBex2
“Cardinal” Roberto de Bexar
@RobBex2

First off, let me start by saying the only thing I know about X-O Manowar is that it used to be a cartoon back when in the 90’s when I was a kid–and even then I didn’t watch it. So when I opened the book and saw that the book gives you a one page “set up” to the whole X-O Manowar story, I was pleasantly surprised. Now onto the work by Robert Venditti (Green Lantern) and Clayton Henry (Archer and Armstrong), which was fantastic. Vendetti brings forth a story that could have been both very clumsy and messy; but instead weaves the story, both past and present, in such a way that it’s compelling and straightforward. His story is made that much more fluid thanks to Henry’s artwork, which has reminded me of a cross between John Cassaday and Salvador Larroca in his story telling, crispness and realism. There were only a few “hiccups” with the dialogue but they were so minor that they are easily forgiven. With a title Book of Death: The Fall of X-O Manowar you can only assume that there is going to be some epic fight and death scenes coming our way. This humble reviewer is going to tell you that, yes, go pick this book up. Valiant seems to be making a strong resurgence this year and while Marvel and DC are trying to revamp their lineups what seems like every other month, Valiant seems to be going back to the basics. 4.25/5 Bibles.




CAPTAIN AMERICA: SAM WILSON #1 - Marvel
CAPTAIN AMERICA: SAM WILSON #1 – Marvel
"Pope" Jason Sacks @jasonsacks
“Pope” Jason Sacks
@jasonsacks

This is not your father’s Captain America, and that’s a good thing. Sam Wilson, famous for years for being the second-rate best friend of the Star-Spangled Avenger, is the new Cap thanks to writer Nick Spencer (Secret Avengers, Ant-Man) and artist Daniel Acuña (Uncanny Avengers, Black Widow). The team delivers a bright, contemporary take on the new Cap, full of clever jokes about our political world, the perils of super-heroes flying coach, and — oh yeah — the nefarious plans of a new generation of Sons of the Serpent. This first issue is a little bit wordy (one page has so much text you’d swear it was transported from a 1960s issue of Tales of Suspense) but there are enough easter eggs for longtime fans (D-Man’s new costume is awesome and Misty Knight still looks hawt in her old-school ‘fro) to keep us involved. For those who don’t salute the history of the old-school Steve Rogers Captain America, there’s plenty here to cheer on, with solid character moments and bad guys who seem like they stepped off a Fox News chat show. The shield is in the right hands with these creators. 4/5 Stars.




THE GOOD in THEATRE BIZARRE #1 - Dark Horse
THE GOON in THEATRE BIZARRE #1 – Dark Horse
Jason "Bad Preacher" Bud
Jason “Bad Preacher” Bud

Aye… This Halcion Hell, called All Hallow’s Eve, is nigh upon us once more… And what say ye, to a wee bit o’ the jackal lanterned? And what say ye, to a song of cackling crow?? And what say ye, to a taste of the cauldron’s black-hearted of brew??? The Horror House of Comics saddled in Dark House, has delivered unto us all, a Treat of Trickery shackled in Rumpelstiltskinian chicanery… And only Zombo the Death Clown knows, if The Goon can escape the Theatre Bizarre!!! The Goon in Theatre Bizarre #1, is a fiendish collaboration; carved from black cat carcass skinned bare, by Goon creator Eric Powell (Marvel Monsters: Devil Dinosaur), and creator of the Grand Guignolian Theatre Bizarre (held every October in Detroit since 1999), John Dunivant. Powell loads the Lingo, and crafts the Cover; while Dunivant doubles up with him, to lay the Lines and create the Chromatics.

There is a method to the mayhem that this Jekyll-and-Hydian Duo delivers. The Goon and Co. find themselves forgotten in fog, only to be aborted unto a netherworld of nymphs & imps, and goblins & ghouls, and other miscreants malformed. Holding court over these goddamned souls, is the dropkick-deadly gorgeous and real-life burlesque-fatale, Roxi D’Lite, and her captor/lover/confidant(?) – a demon made-manifest as, Zombo the Death Clown… Again…only Zombo knows what will unfold within his Rabelaisian realm. And so might ye get a glimpse, if ye pick up this ish. And so shall ye, if ye happen to journey to Detroit, to John Dunivant’s Theatre Bizarre, on Day 17 of October, in Year 15 of 2000… 3.75/5 Smashed Billy Corgans.




SPIDER-GWEN #1 (Vol. 2) - Marvel
SPIDER-GWEN #1 (Vol. 2) – Marvel
"Minister" Gabe Carrasco @gooberade
“Minister” Gabe Carrasco
@gooberade

A smart, young, daughter of a police officer dons a superhero costume to keep her big metropolitan city safe, in this indie style, brightly colored, mainstream comic book, and it is FANTASTIC! 5 outta 5!! But enough about DC’s Batgirl, because this week I’m reviewing Spider-Gwen #1 (actually, our “El Sacerdote” gave the initial Spider-Gwen #1 5 outta 5…). Firstly, I’ve gotta give it to writer Jason Latour (Southern Bastards) , the story is great! The whole “Peter Parker is dead” thing, and the hints dropped about Osborne being “The Green Goblin,” plus the actual plot with the lizards rampaging through the city, all of this makes me want to buy issue 2. Seriously, take the compliment, because this is about where I jump off the Gwen-hype-train.

 

A little lower on the praise-totem-pole is artist Robbi Rodriguez (F.B.P.), who — although nails the fluidity of a spider-character book — seems to have a personal vendetta against backgrounds. The whole comic seems to take place on a stage at a high school theater production. A majority of the panels just use a blank, bright color as the background, making the characters feel like they exist in nothingness. Does Rodriguez even know what grass is supposed to look like? Not to mention the most exciting element of the book: Rico Renzi‘s colors. Unfortunately, my only guess is the editors over at Marvel limited Renzi’s pallet to “nausea-inducing hues you will only see while tripping the fuck out on acid.” Look, I get that’s the feel you were going for, but come on, can we at least get some variation? The comic frankly looks… unfinished, and lazy. There are hardly any highlights and shadows on any scene except the final one in the subway tunnels. Basically, the last five pages of the comic are the only ones that resemble a finished product. But to end on a positive, um, strong story, Latour! 2/5 Vertigo Pills.




NEW AVENGERS #1 - Marvel
NEW AVENGERS #1 – Marvel
JaDarrel "The Belser" @TheBelser
JaDarrel “The Belser”
@TheBelser

What’s the haps, my beautiful followers. Looking for a pick me up? Your friendly neighborhood Belser (gimmick infringement, I know) is here to take out what ails thee. Today’s selection is the latest entry in the Avengers canon after the continuity-crossing events of Secret Wars, the aptly-for-once-titled New Avengers #1. The story: After Secret Wars, a new team of young Avengers has been forged and sent forth to safeguard the world. They refer to themselves as the new A.I.M. (Avengers Idea Mechanics) and are led by Roberto DeCosta aka Sunspot. This roster consists of relative rookies like White Tiger, Wiccan, the Victor Alvarez Power Man, Hulkling, and Squirrel Girl, with former Thunderbolt Songbird as the field leader. Their initial mission seems pretty off: Stop a group with literal diamonds for heads from taking over Paris, France. While this is going down, Sunspot gets a visit from Dum Dum Dugan of SHIELD and is forced to take on a surprise veteran Avenger to his New team. For a premiere issue, this was pretty OK. The script by Al Ewing (Loki: Agent of Asgard) does a decent job of setting up the relationships between the team members and how they view what they do. Artist Gerardo Sandoval (Guardians 3000, Age of Apocalypse) presents a consistent style and plays up the features of each team member (example: Squirrel Girl looks almost rodent-like in certain panels). My favorite panel is the reveal of the new roster in the cockpit of the Avengers jet. Otherwise… 2.5/5 Belser Bibles.




BATMAN/SUPERMAN #25 - DC Comics
BATMAN/SUPERMAN #25 – DC Comics
"Splash Brother" Myke Ladiona @onemyke
“Splash Brother” Myke Ladiona
@onemyke

In line with Man of Steel’s darker tone in the DCCU, DC comics is continuing the “Batman-ifying” trend with Supes in this jumping-on point for Batman/Superman, and it might just be working. At this point, Clark’s gone rogue and is still learning to deal with being superpower-less. Bat-Gordon takes a backseat to the action for most of the book, but this issue is still colored Black as the Knight. Clark’s learned to compensate for his lack of abilities in the same way that Bruce did, and it kinda works for him — until we meet the reason why this little arc is going to be called “The Savage Wars”. Once our favorite, future Legends of Tomorrow big bad shows up we see Clark’s special Kryptonian brand of cockiness bite him in the ass. Luckily, Clark finds out Batman’s secret: he never did it alone.

 

Writer Greg Pak (Incredible Hercules, World War Hulk) does a good enough job at showing that Superman’s biggest flaw isn’t necessarily just his lack of power. His idealism and pride, the traits that always weighed down a lot of people’s interest in Superman’s character, are now interesting character flaws. Pak also makes Vandal Savage’s intro, and first act of villainy, menacing enough but the McGuffin he’s set up teeters on the edge of tired and uninteresting. The uneven art style of Cliff Richards (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) doesn’t help much. While the illustrations lean more towards interesting and detailed when the panel frames a wider shot, some of the coloring done by Beth Sotelo (Switchblade) bring out the flatness in the character’s designs when we pull in for closer looks. It’s almost the opposite of the concept of this storyline as a whole – in broad strokes the narrative is intriguing and kind of new, but the specific details filling everything in leaves much more to be desired. 3.25/5 Batmen.




TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES #50 - IDW
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES #50 – IDW Comics
Michelle "Magdalene" Kisner @RobotCookie
Michelle “Magdalene” Kisner
@RobotCookie

The Turtles have been building up to an epic climax in this series and for the most part this extra-long issue doesn’t disappoint. While the focus has always been on Shredder, this issue has a bit of a deeper and more gloomy look into his past and how it affects the villain he is today. I really enjoyed the contrast between Mateus (Dial H, 2 Guns) Santolouco’s visceral, colorful, and dynamic action scenes and Cory (Magnus Robot Fighter) Smith’s misty, sepia-toned flashback sequences. It’s a great way to break up the story and the action into digestible sequences. The actual story fares a little worse due to the inability to stick with the ramifications of a certain character’s demise, but this has been going on since the invention of comics so it wasn’t entirely unexpected. However, it would have been interesting to see the writers take it down a more emotional route instead of a safe one. That’s not to say this isn’t a brutal comic, because it is quite exciting and action-packed. Perhaps I am expecting too much out of a TMNT comic which has always been a little snarky and edgy. Overall, it’s an interesting end to an intriguing story arc. 4/5 Pizzas.




THE TWILIGHT CHILDREN #1 - Vertigo
THE TWILIGHT CHILDREN #1 – Vertigo
"Great Rao" Bass @kidtimebomb
“Great Rao” Bass @kidtimebomb

When Vertigo announced their new slate of this year’s titles, I was most intrigued by the pairing of A-list talents Gilbert (Beto) Hernandez and Darwyn Cooke. The presence of either creator guarantees that whatever project it is will be a master class in sequential storytelling, but a first-time collaboration such as this is particularly intriguing. And that doesn’t even count having Dave Stewart, one of the industry’s best, on colors. I should disclose here that Beto is my favorite Hernandez brother and his Palomar cycle of stories is one of my favorite all-time runs, so I’m already totally predisposed to be all-in on this one after like a single scene, though I feel like that might be the case even if that opening two-page pan from the coast to the street didn’t evoke the sleepy Latin American village that Luba and Ofelia and Heraclio and Carmen call home.

 

There are no overt signs right out of the gate, but the reader can already detect a tinge of magical realism in the salty air. Beto provides pinpoint characterization on the group of kids as they discuss Bundo, the town drunk. The sleepy-eyed look that Cooke puts on Grover’s face when he tells Jael that their parents are English teachers is an immediate classic and one of dozens of examples to be found in these pages that distinguish Cooke once again as a first-rate cartoonist. And then a damn Rover from The Prisoner’s Village shows up, which is always a surprise. What an arresting visual.

The return of these ominous white balls leads to other fantastic events unfolding, confirming the initial impression that the Gabriel Garcia Marquez DNA woven into Hernandez’s other work is still very much in evidence here–and Cooke remains one of the most talented visual stylists working today. Any time that he deigns to work on interior pages is a cause for celebration. His soft line and economical detail here do a tremendous amount of work making these characters come alive and relatable to the reader. And Stewart’s colors enhance every single image, always popping without calling attention to themselves. The work these creators do on this series is a symphony, every element complementing the others and serving to enhance the whole at the highest level of craft. And they make it look easy. It is only just beginning, but it is already very apparent that this series is something very special, and we are so lucky to get it. 5/5 Impromptu Magical Hurricanes.




DEAD VENGEANCE #1 - Dark Horse
DEAD VENGEANCE #1 – Dark Horse
Richard "Bishop" Zom @eyebzombie
Richard “Bishop” Zom
@eyebzombie

Dead Vengeance #1…talk about the classics coming alive, blast from the past style. My hats off to everyman Bill Morrison — who both writes and sketches here — for his brilliant incorporation and omage to several amazing mob references. The style sets a bit of L.A. Noir with a lil’ bit of Dick Tracy. And–I mean–who doesn’t like either? More than just nods to yesteryear, the Bongo Comics creator also provides pages that are numerously fluid, vibrant, and pleasing to the eyes. It’s safe to say that Keith Champagne (JSA) also does his homework, and collaborates with flawless inks that tie in uniformity with the storyline. The bold characters and environments should draw you while leaving distractions at the door.

I cracked up immediately when reading of a character that was in a state of carnival coma resting…in a massive pickle jar. Jonathan Paul Dover aka “John Doe” is awaken by kids horsing around on a dare to have the daylights scared out of them. We follow John as he tracks down his best friend Joe Preston to help him regain his memory, he’s been dead and missing for 10-years. Scratching the surface right there we get a flashback oh how things went down. Dover is a radio host as well as a cadaver? Some scary “Bishop Zom life similarities” are at work in this one. Dover is not a average radio host; he’s hellbent at bringing down the mob that killed his wife. The pages keep turning and more of this mystery novel keeps you fresh with suspense. If you love Stubbs the Zombie, the art for the next issue is right up your alley! 4/5 Pickled Cadaver Jars.