DC FUTURES END #1’s [Sunday Stash Reviews] : Just a Relaxing, Sunday Time Travel…

Is it Sunday again ALREADY?! On this day, the Year of Our Moody, 7th of September, 2014, The Congregation of Cool is going to defy physics and TIME TRAVEL so to best review for you TEN alternate timelines within DC’s Futures End New 52!

ALL #1’s! ALL YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS! ALL THE WHAT-IFS YOU CAN HANDLE IN ONE SITTING!

That’s right, God Hates Geekverse, we’ve got reviews on an unprecedented TEN DC Universal Titles!

Brother Myke tackles Earth 2 #1 again? —  Priestess Eva and Grayson #1 won’t play second fiddle —  Abess Jackie goes waist deep for Swamp Thing #1 —  Minister Gabe beams up Green Lantern #1 —  Dynast Dana takes to the sky with Batwing #1 —  Lance the Apostle tells Aquaman #1 to go soak its head —  Cardinal Gary follows the clues for Detective Comics #1 —  Templar Mark leaps tall buildings with Superman #1 —  But not before Saint Superkick hits the bullseye with Green Arrow #1 —  And Reverend Ryan takes candy from The Phantom Stranger #1…

GET READY… BECA– USE IT’S THE SUNDAY STASH: DC FUTURES END EDITION!

I’ve got to be honest, as soon as I saw the cover of Futures End Earth 2 #1 I realized that I didn’t have a single idea about what I, a relatively casual comic reader, was getting myself into. But I have a feeling that even the more seasoned DC readers might be just as confused. Don’t expect a lot of questions to be answered, or even clearly posed. Power to the People tracks the story of Earth Prime, pre-Mr. Terrific, Michael Holt and his innocuous Earth 2 refugee partner, Sonia — albeit not very well. There are a few great set pieces for sale here, but, for the most part, the whole issue just tries too hard to let you know that it’s going to be important to the bigger Futures End arc with some really half-assed MacGuffin-esque set-ups.  I’d say this title could be skipped, if it weren’t for the fact that Earth 2 may become a big exposition dump for the entire Futures End plot.

Grayson: Futures End #1 Tom King (Grayson, Futurama), in association with DC Comics, brings us a “Life After Superhero” prospective on Dick Grayson, a.k.a. Nightwing a.k.a. Original Robin. He becomes a hero to the newly resurgent, and dominant, Mother Russia, and a traitor. Now, he must conquer The Beast, aka President Anatoli Knyazev. With art by Stephen Mooney (Angel), this is sure to get some great coverage. This comic [series] reads the future to past, so at first I was trying to pick up all the hints King leaves as to whom this comic is really about. Everything fell into place very smoothly, and I really enjoyed the ending. There is a bit of romance for Dick within the comic that felt contrived, but the girl was hot, so what else was he supposed to do but get some. Right? 4/5 Bibles.

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Before we begin, I’d like to compliment all the artists on this book. It looks fantastic, and you guys nailed the Black Lantern’s signature look. Good job, guys.

Okay, so what the fu– Wait. Sorry. Let me try that again. Back in the first arc of Green Lantern by Robert Venditti (The Surrogates), they created an awesome villain. Relic is a scientist whose goal happens to oppose The Corps. So, they fight. Makes sense. And, in this issue, his motivation is well-written; but you can’t just take every thing a Hal Jordan fan holds dear and sacred, and simply tell it to RISE. In this issue, we’ve got the return of the Black Lanterns, the return of Krona, and the return of Hal’s dad — who appears in a particularly crucial moment with Hal, and you can’t just rush through something like that! Hal’s dad is literally the most important man in his life. Hal would not have been that calm and collected! There’s just way too much shit to deal with in one issue! I mean, come on, if you’re gonna bring the Black Lanterns back, don’t miss an opportunity to use Death-o-Vision. Oh, and why choose Krona to be the main villain? Of character in the Lantern Universe, you choose Black Lantern Krona? That’s a little high up on the Corps’ shit-list, dontcha think? Also, if you’ve read Blackest Night, the characters don’t wear the rings; the RINGS WEAR THE DEAD. That’s the twist! Hal’s dad’s willpower can’t keep him safe from being controlled by the ring. If you’re gonna fuck with this many significant elements in Lantern mythos, you’ve gotta introduce them slowly, you’ve got to follow established rules, and you’ve gotta respect the things the main character, and thus the readers will continue to hold it sacred. I don’t know what the goal here was, but if this isn’t shock-value, it’s blasphemy.

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Five years later, Batwing has come into his own as a hero and a leader. This issue opens with a new criminal organization, Leviathan, wreaking havoc upon a dominant criminal organization. Led by a mystery man (Spoiler: it’s Batwing), the later group decides to attack Leviathan in order to survive. This story in this issue definitely had potential, but unfortunately it all felt flat. The older criminal gang has quite a few potentially interesting members on the roster, but due to the format, we never get to learn more about them, or even come to care for them. That’s the thing with this issue, I just didn’t care. It felt a lot like walking into the theater at the end of a summer blockbuster, having missed out on all the set-up and sitting through the final battle. Sure, if you love spectacle, not to mention gorgeous artwork by Eduardo Pansica (Wonder Woman: Odyssey), this is for you. But if you like substance, then you could certainly do better. I would have loved to have learned more about this future because it genuinely seems like an interesting story, but unfortunately we catch only a glimpse.  2.5/5 Batarangs.

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Five years into the future, and poor art work continues! If you’re a big follower of the current Aquaman run, then you will enjoy how closely this event book follows the current story. His lady love is in Xebel, no putting the Dead King down. Aquaman is trying to unite Atlantis with the surface world and Aqua has a new feminine companion. Though the writing of Dan Jurgens (Booster Gold, Superman) is this book’s only saving grace, poor pencil work almost makes getting through this read near impossible. Where the pieces lay after Futures End is anyone’s guess, but if one positive thing comes out of this companion book hopefully its the all new Aquasuit! 1.5/5 Naked Mermaids Agree!

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The story starts like any standard Batman story should, with The Dark Knight racing toward danger, Alfred’s voice in his cowl.

With resident line-smith, Francis Manapul (Witchblade), off for the month, you’d think the art might suffer. Not the case here with four artists tackling this issue and doing a fantastic job emulating the comic’s far differing environments. Hell, they even manage to make Bruce look good as an ol’ Goblin-gliding Norman Osborne.

Brian Buccellato (The Flash, Hellbalzer) tells a fun team-up tale I thoroughly enjoyed, despite the fact it was Eddie Nigma himself who put Bats through, arguably, his toughest ringer in all of Year Zero. The future, here, is far.. far different. 3.5/5 Good Books.

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Ever wish you could have one of Superman’s powers, even for just a short time?

Well, in this book, some VERY lucky people get that regal opportunity. While Clark Kent is trying to make some plants grow in Ethiopia (go ahead, crack a joke about the S-Man, and I will hunt you down), his essence is traveling around the world helping people. These people are in some bad situations and to help them out, The Essence of Superman bestows upon them one of his powers.

Do they all use them for good?

Read the book to find out because it’s Superman and it’s freaking awesome! 4.75/5 Bibles.

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Having never been a big fan of the Green Arrow myself — despite the popularit of the hit show Arrow and all — reading this is a rare occasion.

Oliver Queen looks (and lemme quote Biggie Biggie on this one) “ready to die” in every sense of the word. Before heading off to his final fight (remember that video game, sinners?), he informs his companion, Emiko, to carry on the Green Arrow Legacy.

If you’re a fan of Animal Man scribe Jeff Lemire‘s dangerous run — or even the show — this new story should be as good as any bullseye time gone by. 4.5/5 Bibles.

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How many pieces of silver does it take to craft comic gold? I don’t know. I’m not good at math.

But what I do know is The Phantom Stranger is infallible. An excellent combination of compelling narrative paired with artwork that tantalizes the eye, this story weaves a tapestry of myth and faith into one Hell of a ride.

Setting the foundation for the Trinity of Sin, this one-shot from DC crams so much information into such a small space that I read the book twice in one sitting. As the world anxiously awaits the second coming (or second episode), the “Reverend” Ryan Ford offers this edition as a tithe for the Altar of Awesome. In Dog we trust. 5/5 Bibles.