SECRET WARS 2099 / INFINITY GAUNTLET / INFERNO / M.O.D.O.K. / INHUMAN [Reviews]: Victor’s (Not-So) Secret.

Secret Wars 2099 #1 --- Marvel Comis
SECRET WARS 2099 #1
“El Sacerdote” J.L. Caraballo Twitter @captzaff007
“El Sacerdote” J.L. Caraballo Twitter @captzaff007

Secret Wars is still going on, and here we are in the far future of…eighty-four years from now. The Avengers of 2099 (occupying Earth-928), are seen for the first time, and the design is pretty interesting. Captain America is a woman (and seems to be conditioned to set aside her non-Captain persona whenever she wears her Cap outfit), Black Widow (who is prone to extreme violence and hides a stabbing stinger in her forearm), Hawkeye (who has wings and talons, and seems a bit more practical than his Earth-616 counterpart), Iron Man (nothing too new here, although this Iron Man seems very reminiscent of the Ultimate Iron Man), and Herc (a Thor surrogate who is prone to drinking…a lot). As with the other heroes at Earth-928, these Avengers are owned by the Alchemex corporation, and are liable to follow through with their terms and in their interest. Will (Defenders) Sliney‘s character design is slick, keeping to the color schemes of the current heroes, and, seeing as the story opens with the foiling of a robbery, it’s nice ot see these new iterations in action, how they interact, and their foibles (especially Herc…jeez). And, refreshingly, it’s great to see Peter (X-Factor, Spider-Man 2099) David‘s completely different take on Captain America. A badass woman? Married, and with kids, no less? That raises the stakes incredibly as the Secret Wars wage on, and the over-arching reach of Alchemex is — again, refreshingly — not entirely, transparently evil; not to say “nuanced”, but whatever they’re up to during the Secret Wars, it’s not overtly evil. This is a fun read, quick and to the point, and it sets up an interesting angle to the arc. Also, how is this the first time the Avengers 2099 have ever been seen? 5/5 Non-alcoholic apple ciders.




INFINITY GAUNTLET #1
INFINITY GAUNTLET #1
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JaDarrel “The Belser” @TheBelser

I got my copy of Infinity Gauntlet #1 and enjoyed every second of it. The primary reason for my enjoyment? The fact that it deals with, what the Beler feels, is the best aspect of the Marvel Universe right now: Cosmic Marvel. This story in particular focuses on an African American family, The Bakians, who seem to be living in a post-apocalyptic Earth. Unfortunately life after civilization doesn’t seem as fun as Mad Max makes it out to seem, as they’ve been dividing their time between dealing with issues such as: 1.) Bickering with each other because their mother left them to join the Nova Corps and has yet to return, and 2.) They’ve been busy dodging gigantic man-eating bugs that seem to have taken over! Its not looking too good for them. That is until the daughter, Anwen, discovers a glowing stone with unbelievable power (and no not one of the Dragonballs). Could this be one of the Infinity Stones and, if so, how does this bode for the fam when Thanos comes a-lookin’? I loved the story by Gerry Duggan (Deadpool) and Dustin Weaver (Avengers, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic). The infighting between the family is the driving force of the book and never gets annoying. Weaver pulls double duty as the book’s artist. Now, the artwork didn’t overwhelm me but I hope that, as the book progresses, it will feature the grandeur of space a bit more. That being said, the panel of the family initially running from giant bugs was pretty awesome. 3/5 Belser Bibles.




INFERNO #1
INFERNO #1
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“Sister” Jennifer Flatebo @JenniferFlatebo

I probably grew up with X-Men a little differently than most other comic book geeks, introduced to it through the (ridiculously fantastic) cartoon series in the 90’s. It only made me want to read and learn about the characters more. I fell in love with Wolverine and things…got pretty serious between us after that (no details). So when I picked this version up I was a bit surprised. These were definitely some of the characters I loved, albeit in different roles. Although not too far removed from their original versions, I couldn’t help but notice they came with a bit more despair and sadness. Hence the writer Dennis Hopeless? We follow Colossus mostly on his quest to save his sister, Illyana, from the demons that destroyed pretty much everything. And in good ol’ fashioned X-men fashion, everything went wrong; there’s an overly dark tone that was a bit too much for me, as the story takes a path that I may not follow in the future. Beware dear readers: You may not like where this story goes, but there may be something here still worth given a try. 3.5/5 Bibles.




"Heirophant" Luke @LUKEPOISONER
“Heirophant” Luke
@LUKEPOISONER
M.O.D.O.K. Assassin #1
M.O.D.O.K. ASSASSIN #1

M.O.D.O.K. Assassin #1 is the best comic I’ve read in ages. That is to say, it’s completely terrible – but in the way Keith Giffen used to write Lobo stories. This is the dumbest thing I’ve read from Marvel since Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E., which is widely regarded by myself and two of my good friends as the best comic series in history.

You all know who and what M.O.D.O.K. Is, right? Well, this Secret Wars tie-in puts you, the reader, in Killville, M.O.D.O.K.’s fiercely defended territory on Battleworld, as we follow him through what appears to be just an ordinary day. I think that’s what was happening. There’s a plot (something about a Nimrod CPU and a crush on Angela), provided by Christopher Yost (Scarlet Spider), but it hardly matters.

This high-energy and low-comedy action feast is a treat for upcoming artist Amilcar Pinna, with vintage roadsters and Sentinels and explosions and M.O.D.O.K.’s big stupid face cramming every page. It’s fantastic. I don’t even feel guilty. This is a 5/5 Bible comic. The editor will no doubt amend the score to something more sensible…

**Disclaimer from Editor “Dynast” Dana Keels: GHG in no way supports the views of the individual in this review. Those views and opinions are purely of the individual.**

(We now continue our review) …but just between you and me, this is the best comic out this week. It should be taught to schoolchildren as part of the education curriculum. Give it as a present to in-laws and family members, even the ones you hate. Fuck yeah, comics.

**It’s me, your Editor again. Sorry guys, just make up your own score for this one!**




INHUMANS: ATTILAN RISING #1
INHUMANS: ATTILAN RISING #1
"Cardinal" Roberto de Bexar @RobBex2
“Cardinal” Roberto de Bexar @RobBex2

It seems that the masterful “Monsignor” Moody thinks of me when he thinks of either the Inhumans or S.H.I.E.L.D. and considering that your humble Cardinal is more human than human, I will say thank you for the compliment. That all being said, Battleworld is seriously confusing and exciting me at the same time and most of the comics related to them are “hit or miss” with me. Inhumans: Attilan Rising is a BIG hit right out of the park! Charles Soule (Wolverines) did something that I didn’t think was really possible, he made me actually interested in an Inhumans (Dear God! What?!) comic! He made Medusa and her royal court intriguing, he mixed in 1602’s Daredevil in with a resistance AND he gave us readers a Ghost Rider from the 1930’s with cliché dialogue and all with a very cool surprise at the end (BIG REVEAL and no, I won’t spoil it here). You, and by you I also mean I the reader, finally get to see who is working on taking down Doom and just what does “The Quiet Room” lead to? Come on Soule! Work with me here! That being said, and complained about, John (Harley Quinn) Timms’ artwork is crisp, clean and action packed! The lines and colors are very nice and well done; but if there is a trip up with the book – and this is a minor thing with me – it’s the layout. There are panels within panels (Panelception) that, in my humble opinion, distracts from the bigger picture, but please don’t let my hang-ups be your hang-ups. Soule is just giving Timms’ a lot to work with and that is not a bad thing. Go out and pick it up. Trust me, you’ll thank me. 4/5 Inhuman Holy Texts.




OLD MAN LOGAN #1
OLD MAN LOGAN #1
"Father" Joe Tower @whateverjoe
“Father” Joe Tower
@whateverjoe

To say we might need some context to fully appreciate this reboot of the neo-classic Millar series is like a wedding without an open bar – it’s like, “Uh…duh.” For the sake of word count, I’m going to assume most of you are familiar. In any case, our O.G. Logan is back, doing his best Clint Eastwood impression, drifting along the plains of this alternate Marvel dystopian future where, after fallout from a superhero genocide, the bad guys are in charge. This was, and still is, a clever, if not a little too precious, concept. This time, however, Bendis (Ultimate Spider-man) has gotten the pacified Logan to re-snikt his claws and continue to carve out his own brand of Wild West-style justice, and the appearance of a dated model Ultron head is not only a timely reference in light of the recent film, but also the catalyst that sends our Good Logan in search of a little Bad and Ugly. Fans of Mr. Bendis will find him up to some of his old tricks, after all the storyline is just one long gimmick begging for in-jokes, and despite the fact that the story is heavy in tone, the writing is never short on playfulness. Andrea Sorrentino‘s (Green Arrow; I, Vampire) art reeks of old Frank Miller, but I dug on the frenzied Pollack spatter of the Berserker panels and all the sun-scorched horizons that i hope Logan will eventually get to ride into – Sergio Leone would glady take his due credit. 3/5 Bibles.




SECRET WARS: JOURNAL #1
SECRET WARS: JOURNAL #1
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“Brother” Matt McGrath @bendsteelnhands

In Renaissance England, Doom is worshiped as a God, and a Hawk-eyed thief and her band are hunted and trapped by a nasty sheriff known as the Punisher. Meanwhile in ancient Egypt, slaves with unique abilities, toil away building temples and pyramids for the moon god, Khonsu. A Moon Knight ensnares the would be X-slaves. Secret Wars: Journal 1 is all too familiar, but still different, and a lot of fun. Prudence Shen (Nothing Can Possibly Go Wrong) and Michael Rosenberg keep the plot moving. There’s a little bit of scene setting and a lot of action. Ramon F. Bachs (Star Wars, Amazing Spider-Man) and Luca Pizzari‘s (Amazing Spider-Man Special #1) pencils look rough and a bit rushed, but the colors add pop to each panel. It’s a fun ride, and if you’re reading all the Secret Wars books (Which you might as well), you won’t be disapoointed. 3.25/5 Other Worlds.

DC FUTURES END #1’s [Sunday Stash Reviews] : Just a Relaxing, Sunday Time Travel…

Is it Sunday again ALREADY?! On this day, the Year of Our Moody, 7th of September, 2014, The Congregation of Cool is going to defy physics and TIME TRAVEL so to best review for you TEN alternate timelines within DC’s Futures End New 52!

ALL #1’s! ALL YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS! ALL THE WHAT-IFS YOU CAN HANDLE IN ONE SITTING!

That’s right, God Hates Geekverse, we’ve got reviews on an unprecedented TEN DC Universal Titles!

Brother Myke tackles Earth 2 #1 again? —  Priestess Eva and Grayson #1 won’t play second fiddle —  Abess Jackie goes waist deep for Swamp Thing #1 —  Minister Gabe beams up Green Lantern #1 —  Dynast Dana takes to the sky with Batwing #1 —  Lance the Apostle tells Aquaman #1 to go soak its head —  Cardinal Gary follows the clues for Detective Comics #1 —  Templar Mark leaps tall buildings with Superman #1 —  But not before Saint Superkick hits the bullseye with Green Arrow #1 —  And Reverend Ryan takes candy from The Phantom Stranger #1…

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GET READY… BECA– USE IT’S THE SUNDAY STASH: DC FUTURES END EDITION!




EARTH 2 #1
EARTH 2 #1
"Brother" Myke Ladonia @onemyke
“Brother” Myke Ladonia @onemyke

I’ve got to be honest, as soon as I saw the cover of Futures End Earth 2 #1 I realized that I didn’t have a single idea about what I, a relatively casual comic reader, was getting myself into. But I have a feeling that even the more seasoned DC readers might be just as confused. Don’t expect a lot of questions to be answered, or even clearly posed. Power to the People tracks the story of Earth Prime, pre-Mr. Terrific, Michael Holt and his innocuous Earth 2 refugee partner, Sonia — albeit not very well. There are a few great set pieces for sale here, but, for the most part, the whole issue just tries too hard to let you know that it’s going to be important to the bigger Futures End arc with some really half-assed MacGuffin-esque set-ups.  I’d say this title could be skipped, if it weren’t for the fact that Earth 2 may become a big exposition dump for the entire Futures End plot.

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2.5 [out of 5] Obviously Symbolic Rubix Cubes



GRAYSON #1
GRAYSON #1
"Priestess" Eva Ceja @evaceja
“Priestess” Eva Ceja @evaceja

Grayson: Futures End #1 Tom King (Grayson, Futurama), in association with DC Comics, brings us a “Life After Superhero” prospective on Dick Grayson, a.k.a. Nightwing a.k.a. Original Robin. He becomes a hero to the newly resurgent, and dominant, Mother Russia, and a traitor. Now, he must conquer The Beast, aka President Anatoli Knyazev. With art by Stephen Mooney (Angel), this is sure to get some great coverage. This comic [series] reads the future to past, so at first I was trying to pick up all the hints King leaves as to whom this comic is really about. Everything fell into place very smoothly, and I really enjoyed the ending. There is a bit of romance for Dick within the comic that felt contrived, but the girl was hot, so what else was he supposed to do but get some. Right? 4/5 Bibles.




"Abbess" Jackie -  @Jackie_Henley
“Abbess” Jackie
@Jackie_Henley
SWAMP THING #1
SWAMP THING #1
It is entirely possible that my faded recollection of science classes due to hangover has clouded my processing of Charles Soule‘s (She-Hulk, Inhuman) Swamp Thing. Within this lover’s battle over biokingdoms, the story encompasses a tried and true opposition of good and evil, a quest for a long-time love, and a journey that requires a rallying of troops, that will keep you reading to the end to figure out the whole story. Jesus Saiz‘s (Manhunter) artwork and coloring give a unique identity to each kingdom, while maintaining the marsh-density of Swamp Thing. Overall, I’d say it lacks only in action, but excelling in the mystery within its storyline. 3.5/5 Bibles.



"Minister" Gabe Carrasco  @gooberade
“Minister” Gabe Carrasco
@gooberade
GREEN LANTERN #1
GREEN LANTERN #1

Before we begin, I’d like to compliment all the artists on this book. It looks fantastic, and you guys nailed the Black Lantern’s signature look. Good job, guys.

Okay, so what the fu– Wait. Sorry. Let me try that again. Back in the first arc of Green Lantern by Robert Venditti (The Surrogates), they created an awesome villain. Relic is a scientist whose goal happens to oppose The Corps. So, they fight. Makes sense. And, in this issue, his motivation is well-written; but you can’t just take every thing a Hal Jordan fan holds dear and sacred, and simply tell it to RISE. In this issue, we’ve got the return of the Black Lanterns, the return of Krona, and the return of Hal’s dad — who appears in a particularly crucial moment with Hal, and you can’t just rush through something like that! Hal’s dad is literally the most important man in his life. Hal would not have been that calm and collected! There’s just way too much shit to deal with in one issue! I mean, come on, if you’re gonna bring the Black Lanterns back, don’t miss an opportunity to use Death-o-Vision. Oh, and why choose Krona to be the main villain? Of character in the Lantern Universe, you choose Black Lantern Krona? That’s a little high up on the Corps’ shit-list, dontcha think? Also, if you’ve read Blackest Night, the characters don’t wear the rings; the RINGS WEAR THE DEAD. That’s the twist! Hal’s dad’s willpower can’t keep him safe from being controlled by the ring. If you’re gonna fuck with this many significant elements in Lantern mythos, you’ve gotta introduce them slowly, you’ve got to follow established rules, and you’ve gotta respect the things the main character, and thus the readers will continue to hold it sacred. I don’t know what the goal here was, but if this isn’t shock-value, it’s blasphemy.
1.75 [out of 5] Red Rings of Rage
1.75 [out of 5] Red Rings of Rage



"Dynast" Dana Keels @hatandwand
“Dynast” Dana Keels
@hatandwand
BATWING #1
BATWING #1

Five years later, Batwing has come into his own as a hero and a leader. This issue opens with a new criminal organization, Leviathan, wreaking havoc upon a dominant criminal organization. Led by a mystery man (Spoiler: it’s Batwing), the later group decides to attack Leviathan in order to survive. This story in this issue definitely had potential, but unfortunately it all felt flat. The older criminal gang has quite a few potentially interesting members on the roster, but due to the format, we never get to learn more about them, or even come to care for them. That’s the thing with this issue, I just didn’t care. It felt a lot like walking into the theater at the end of a summer blockbuster, having missed out on all the set-up and sitting through the final battle. Sure, if you love spectacle, not to mention gorgeous artwork by Eduardo Pansica (Wonder Woman: Odyssey), this is for you. But if you like substance, then you could certainly do better. I would have loved to have learned more about this future because it genuinely seems like an interesting story, but unfortunately we catch only a glimpse.  2.5/5 Batarangs.




"The Apostle" Lance Paul aka "The Traveling Nerd" @Lance_Paul
“The Apostle” Lance Paul aka “The Traveling Nerd”
@Lance_Paul
AQUAMAN #1
AQUAMAN #1

Five years into the future, and poor art work continues! If you’re a big follower of the current Aquaman run, then you will enjoy how closely this event book follows the current story. His lady love is in Xebel, no putting the Dead King down. Aquaman is trying to unite Atlantis with the surface world and Aqua has a new feminine companion. Though the writing of Dan Jurgens (Booster Gold, Superman) is this book’s only saving grace, poor pencil work almost makes getting through this read near impossible. Where the pieces lay after Futures End is anyone’s guess, but if one positive thing comes out of this companion book hopefully its the all new Aquasuit! 1.5/5 Naked Mermaids Agree!




DETECTIVE COMICS #1
DETECTIVE COMICS #1
"Cardinal" Brooks FB @Gary Brooks
“Cardinal” Brooks
FB @Gary Brooks

The story starts like any standard Batman story should, with The Dark Knight racing toward danger, Alfred’s voice in his cowl.

With resident line-smith, Francis Manapul (Witchblade), off for the month, you’d think the art might suffer. Not the case here with four artists tackling this issue and doing a fantastic job emulating the comic’s far differing environments. Hell, they even manage to make Bruce look good as an ol’ Goblin-gliding Norman Osborne.

Brian Buccellato (The Flash, Hellbalzer) tells a fun team-up tale I thoroughly enjoyed, despite the fact it was Eddie Nigma himself who put Bats through, arguably, his toughest ringer in all of Year Zero. The future, here, is far.. far different. 3.5/5 Good Books.




ACTION COMICS #1
ACTION COMICS #1
"Templar" Mark Majndle FB @Mark Majndle
“Templar” Mark Majndle
FB @Mark Majndle

Ever wish you could have one of Superman’s powers, even for just a short time?

Well, in this book, some VERY lucky people get that regal opportunity. While Clark Kent is trying to make some plants grow in Ethiopia (go ahead, crack a joke about the S-Man, and I will hunt you down), his essence is traveling around the world helping people. These people are in some bad situations and to help them out, The Essence of Superman bestows upon them one of his powers.

Do they all use them for good?

Read the book to find out because it’s Superman and it’s freaking awesome! 4.75/5 Bibles.




“Saint SuperKick” Kenny Sanders @hueyskyywalker
GREEN ARROW #1
GREEN ARROW #1

Having never been a big fan of the Green Arrow myself — despite the popularit of the hit show Arrow and all — reading this is a rare occasion.

Oliver Queen looks (and lemme quote Biggie Biggie on this one) “ready to die” in every sense of the word. Before heading off to his final fight (remember that video game, sinners?), he informs his companion, Emiko, to carry on the Green Arrow Legacy.

If you’re a fan of Animal Man scribe Jeff Lemire‘s dangerous run — or even the show — this new story should be as good as any bullseye time gone by. 4.5/5 Bibles.




"Reverend" Ryan Ford @nayrdrof
“Reverend” Ryan Ford @nayrdrof
TRINITY of SIN: THE PHANTOM STRANGER #1
TRINITY of SIN: THE PHANTOM STRANGER #1

How many pieces of silver does it take to craft comic gold? I don’t know. I’m not good at math.

But what I do know is The Phantom Stranger is infallible. An excellent combination of compelling narrative paired with artwork that tantalizes the eye, this story weaves a tapestry of myth and faith into one Hell of a ride.

Setting the foundation for the Trinity of Sin, this one-shot from DC crams so much information into such a small space that I read the book twice in one sitting. As the world anxiously awaits the second coming (or second episode), the “Reverend” Ryan Ford offers this edition as a tithe for the Altar of Awesome. In Dog we trust. 5/5 Bibles.

EARTH 2 / DREDD – UNDERBELLY [Reviews]: Oh, the In’MUTANT’ity…

Finding  a recurring theme through this stash of funnybooks was a tough trick, seeing how the publishers ranged from DC, 2000 AD, Marvel, and IDW. That was until this parish noticed this freaky foursome all featured mutants, you know, if you don’t mind my inclusion a “truth serumed” villain — or, hell, even an Earth 2 Thomas Wayne — in this week’s particular Fistful of Comics.

Close enough, right?

Either way…there was a lot of disparity in the quality here, so you ought to pay attention to see which [in]mutated comic is just right the right one for you.

EARTH 2 ANNUAL #2

This issue starts in 1979! The summer of…love? Alien and the Muppet Movie came out that year. As did Star Trek: The Movie and Mad Max and Rocky II and The Jerk! And this issue starts with a Jerk shooting Bruce Wayne’s parents. Not really a spoiler alert; we all know Joe Chill killed Bruce’s parents. But in this universe, it happened in 1979 and Bruce had been Batman since at least 1994. So, you know, he probably went and saw Michael Keaton as Batman in 1989 and thought, what a good idea!

Also, one of the villains of the book is named Frankie Francavilla, after Francesco Francavilla, who is just a titan of comics art. Too friggin’ cool.

Not hard to guess which flight he took.

After a scene of Batman truth-seruming Frankie, we get another flashback to 1971, where we learn that Doctor Thomas Wayne, Bruce’s dad, helped Frankie (here, it’s laid bare that his real name is Francesco Francavilla…so yeah, pretty cool) in a pinch. Frankie gets shot, soon-to-be Doctor Tommy Wayne saves his life, so Frankie throws a party in his honor. A swingin’ 70s party too. So you know, flashy dames, disco balls, and Jarvis Pennyworth as Tommy’s butler/bodyguard.

The Weekly Worship: MATT FRACTION’s got comics “Uatu” read.

Yup, it’s witty; sure, it’s typical of our blog headlines; and, uh-huh, you bet we stole it. Don’t be surprised if half the comic industry starts stealing other elements from Matt Fraction in the coming weeks, as well.

This man is on fire.

But, before I go on to cover a pair of this week’s Marvelous works from Matty Frac, let’s talk about sex — Sex Criminals, that is. Just trying to explain this indie gem from Image is freaky enough (you should see the faces on some of my coworkers), never mind the actual read.

Never a dull moment in the VIP room at Hemmingway’s, that’s for sure.

The hypnotic, less scandalous than you’d imagine comic is as stated: what if you had the power to freeze time with a.. uh.. well.. *gulp* orgasm*? Before this article gets too 50 Shades of Moody on ya, I’d be lying to the congregation if I didn’t admit having such thoughts (or powers!) But…onto the comic, yes? Uh, get it?

Onto.
The.
Comic.

Ick is right. Sex Criminals is sort of like “what would you do with a million dollars?” topics except it’s more “what’s the damn best way to obtain a million dollars?”

Sex! Of course.

These freakypages offer more sentiment than you’d think, also. If you can see past the title and the whimsical images on the cover, Sex Criminals is an intelligent, surprisingly relatable yarn. There’s a damn good reason why Suzie does why she does (although it’s “barely legal”), and there’s no doubt tons of geeks are going to shout out “that’s me!” with Jon’s everyday rage (only without his power, though, weirdo). And the comic has Sex Cops. Say that again right along with me now…

Sex Criminals #1-#4 = 3.75 (out of 5).. Sex Criminals Comics?