Okay. GoT. Right?
I am about to spit out some ***SPOILERS***, and I am not even mad about it. AT ALL. Because, let’s face it… If you’re not watching GoT, I figure you must be a Drumpf supporter, and have no idea what Google is.
But, just in case your memory is short of a loss or two, our most #GeekSwaggy pal and fellow GoT diehard, Ras Kass, has the recap for you…
Whew. Now that you’re all caught up with the madness leading up to Season 6, allow me to just say FIRST, “WTF” Jon Snow (Kit Harington) supporters! I was watching advantageously wondering, “When the f**k is that witch lady going to revive Snow alive?” — especially since the first episode of this season is titled “The Red Woman”. But, nope. She did nothing of the sort… which makes me believe, A.) The writers knew that as an audience member, that’s what I wanted, or B.) He really died, my life is over, and I hate GoT. I am hoping for the latter.
SECOND. Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey). I cried a little when she watched Jaime (Nikolaj Coser-Waldau) sail in. Cersei truly is a bad-ass bitch; don’t mess with her spirit. She is one of my favorite characters. Really? Why? She is literally the GoT version of Walter White. You love her, but she is dark and one of the worst people to f**k with, in Westeros. With the fate of their daughter Myrcella now in the clear, I can’t wait to see what havoc she will bestow upon her enemies. This will be epic, this Priestess is sure of this.
THIRD. Arya (Maisie Williams). Blind and begging, Assassin’s Creed peasant-style. Much like the man next to the Gower 101 exit near my house that isn’t blind and claims he is a veteran on Mondays, has 5 children on Thursdays, and needs a dollar for gas because his gas tank ran out… Kinda the same analogy, but her fate is pretty obvious. If she learns to listen as well as she can talk, then she will be just fine. No need to worry about this one… she will over come this obstacle… because it’s a true hero story, the story of Matt Mur… The “Save the Cat” structure predicts she will over come this. Do not fret.
FOURTH: Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner). Brienne of Tarth (Gwendoline Christie). Jean Grey recites the “Meat and Mead” pledge for Captain Phasma, following some clutch help from…that nutty Russian kid from John Wick. Geek mic dropped.
FIFTH: Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke). Sarah Connor will be fine. She’s a big girl. She’ll be great. Although, she is in a bit of a predicament… An Aquaman-less Dothraki is not the same Dothraki. Nothing in my bones thinks she will be anything, but SAFE and STRONG. Love her. No worries. And the “Mother of Dragons” looks great Blonde.
FIFTH 1/2: Tyrion (Peter Dinklage)… HBO keep him alive. #blessed
SIXTH: Melisandre (Carice van Houten) the Red Priestess! (Look at my GHG moniker!). Damn it, woman! Use your powers to bring back JS. That’s all. Because of your new Crone-dome, and wrinkly not-so-fire-read-sprinkly self, I had to have a bottle of wine and hate you, but love you. I have no doubt that you’re ready to become a weapon of mass destruction at the hands of Davos Seaworth (Liam Cunningham). Let’s do this.
Finally, this episode, while vague in parts and slow in its moving parts (HBO gave it to everyone free, dammit) caught us all up. The premiere made events clear of what is potentially going to occur next episode. And that’s really all you can ask for. Season 6 is going to burn!
Stay tuned for yet another thrilling GoT episode review next week!