Last night was the fifteenth anniversary of the theatrical release of the Michael Bay/ Steven SpielbergTransformers film from Paramount Studios, Dreamworks Pictures and of course, Hasbro. The 2007 film was a blockbuster that catapulted stars like Josh Duhamel, Shia LaBeouf, and Megan Fox. Other notables are (one of my favorite comedians of all time) Bernie Mac, Tyrese Gibson, Jon Voight, Anthony Anderson, and John Turturro…
For an 80’s kid, the best part is that Optimus Prime himself voices the character in the film. Everyone that watched Transformers — be the cartoon or the movie — can remember the voice of Peter Cullen. GeeksHaveGame was invited by Hasbro to attend a VIP Tour and a theatrical filming of the 2007 Transformers film the Thursday of the anniversary. Paramount Studios hosted the VIP tour prior to the viewing of the film at the LA Live Regal Theaters. For the record, the over-the-top blockbuster still holds today.
The afternoon began with a tour of the Paramount Studios lot. It was an insightful tour with relevance to current shows in production but also in the history of production from everything in the lot. I can’t say too much, otherwise, you as a reader would get the VIP Studio Tour treatment and my experience would diminish. That is the truth. The tour was amazing and a build-up to the pinnacle of the day. Myself and my fellow tourists were treated to an on-set visit as well as a drive through the lot. Most notably was ending where the party had begun. There were viewings of props from the 2007 Transformers film through the franchise, not to mention the table spread: chef’s kiss.
Moving on… The Optimus Prime vehicle found its home alongside Bumblebee on the studio lot and that day was the retirement party for the diesel. With all the props and the viewings, it’s clear to the eye why Transformers are loved by Paramount Studios and Hasbro is keeping the legacy in-tact and alive. The end of the tour ended with a meet and greet, and a speech from Cullen. Let’s just say it had to do with Prime and Megatron talking to Michael Bay.
Meeting Optimus Prime is no small feat, making that anniversary meaningful; especially for those all too familiar to Cullin’s voice. Following the meet with Pete, was a screening of the Transformers at Regal Cinema. After the Hasbro and Paramount party, the film viewing was opened with the film crew and actors. But it was Bay who stood out describing the scene of Scorponok attacking the troops, which led to the introduction of the film. In the end, the event was a success, with the 15th Anniversary of Transformers incorporating new behind-the-scenes footage and a straight bang of a new introduction. Autobots roll out.
GeeksGaveGame would like to thank Paramount Studios, Hasbro, LA Live and Regal Theaters and watch Transformers on PlutoTV.
The “Deacon E” Esko and “Monsignor” Moody are back with another edition of Geek vs. Nerd.
You may have remembered our not-so-much-a-squander that was our EA Sports UFC “Face-Off”. This time, we may have a little more to twist tortoise shells about, as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise means a little more to our nostalgic hearts…
So cue up the theme…
Round Two: NERDDDDDD FIGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTT!
“Monsignor” Moody @TravMoody
GEEK – The biggest Ninja Turtles fan back home at “my mama crib” is no longer yours truly. No– my niece, Ariana, screams over to the TV the second her beloved pizza-eating green guys on Nickelodeon are ready to bebop and rocksteady.
So, as your birthday boy watched an early preview of producer Michael Bay’s new re-imagining of TMNT, I asked myself: “Is this film fit for my 6-year old niece?”
The answer is both a resounding “Yes”…and “No!”
First, the “No!”: This movie is rated PG-13 for sci-fi action violence. These aren’t the cuddly-wuddly Ninja Turtles of the 80s and 90s. There’s nothing really adorable about them, at least right away. They’re massive, they’re mean, and they’re made to strike fear into Foot Clan– the worst criminals New York has seen since the last crime-tinged movie in New York (all of ’em). They’re mutated turtles. They look mutated. There’s nothing pretty about these reptiles, other than a touch of Michaelangelo’s #NerdSwag.
These Turtles just ain’t for kids.
Thing is, their bubbliness grows on you as the longer movie goes (which only runs at 101-mins; a record for a Michael Bay-produced film?). One scene that rings a shell in particular, also happens to be one of the coolest 3D sequences I’ve ever watched. It’s a chase scene unlike no other. Without divulging too much — in the case of any spoilers, you sensitive clergygeeks — the TMNT are basically doing their best Cool Runnings rendition. It’s a series of riveting action scenes, where the Turtles have to shell-sled down a mountain during a getaway with The Foot. It’s lengthy, and every moment had me inching off my seat. It was also during this time when the Turtles finally began to charm me over.
“Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme…”
I also just knew my niece would love the scene, thus giving me the defeated impression of “all..right”. Or “allllllRIGHT!” as Michaelangelo would put it. As their adoration for April O’Neil (an actually respectable Megan Fox) grew, so could I see smaller children warming up to these freaks.
But you see, that’s the other thing. Mikey (Shameless‘ Noel Fisher) is really the only Turtle that shines, or resembles any of the Turtles we grew up and loved in any generation. I almost wish that Paramount would have just used the voiceover guys from the current hit animated series, since they’re both Nickelodeon studios anyway (I’m sure there is some paperwork out there that prevents this from happening, but still…)? The TMNT cartoon cats — Sean Astin, Greg Cipes, Rob Paulsen, Hoon Lee, etc. — all do a terrific job and would have brought a much higher likability factor to this film.
ESPECIALLY Hoon Lee! I’ll let the Deacon E preach further, but Tony Shalhoub as dialect-confused Splinter is a huge “No!”
Another huge “No!” is in how all these new origin threads fit like a glove. It’s almost insane how everyone is someone’s father, someone’s father’s friend that betrayed him, someone’s pet that just so happened to… You get the gist of what I’m saying. With this 2014 TMNT film, everything feels far too convenient.
BEFORE Bay / AFTER Bay
Back to the performances — because honestly, I care more about that with this film than plot — allow me to say that Donatello was and is still very much my favorite on the animated series. Yup. Get ready Daniel Bryan fans… the vocal performance from Jeremy Howard (Galaxy Quest) is also a huge “No!” Making Raphael (Alan Ritchson) sound like a pissed-off hoodrat who totally effs up the most notorious catchphrase of the franchise? “No!” Will Arnett (The LEGO Movie) as April’s sleazy news camera-sidekick, instead of a “McLovin” type that would have helped balance out the film’s overall testosterone? “No!”
“No! No! No!”
Odd thing about all this is, I didn’t mind so much how the TMNT Bayverse looked as so much how it all sounded. Most of the fight scenes are pretty rad, despite the fact these “ninjas” now rely on their Superman strength and Batman scare tactics (to which both are none-too-ironically referenced in the film). Cars get blown up. Towers get knocked down. Sure, Mr. Bay, I get that you want to re-imagine everything so much nowadays as “hardcore” and “bad-ass”; but don’t forget that we grew up with such properties as Transformers for their warm heart as much for their cool persona.
P.S. I really liked MegaShredderTron.
3 (out of 5) Turtle Shells.
“Deacon E” Esko @EskoBTS
NERD – Michael Bay, what the foot have you done to my childhood!!??
You didn’t even wait for the opening credits to end before you started slicing up my beautiful memories like some sort of pre-pubescent pizza. I don’t even know what that is, but I’m so p***ed, I’m just gonna keep yelling.
The first thing you hear is Splinter’s voice, but does it sound like Splinter? Of course not. It sounds like some Welcome-to-moviefone-please-press-1-for-english-once-upon-a-time-in-Narnia-now-its-time-for-the-weather ass narrator.
Completely unacceptable.
Splinter is clearly having some sort of identity crisis. His voice goes from standard american white guy in general conversation, to an Italian chef when discussing pizza, to a wise Japanese sage when discussing martial arts and history. Who designed his face? Splinter shouldn’t look like a rat chef from Ratatouille who lost his job in Paris and moved to New York to be homeless. I’m just as disappointed in Michael Bay’s Master Splinter as I am in the origin story they try to force feed me as truth.
According to Michael “Murder Your Memories” Bay, the Turtles and Splinter were part of an experiment in a lab that caught fire. April O’Neal saved them…kind of. Most kids that save animals bring them home. Not April. I was completely Shell-Shocked to find out that she took them from the lab and dumped them in the street– with zero fuhs given.
Gotta keep ’em separated!
The experimental ooze they were injected with made them big, strong, and mutanty. I’m not a Genetic Science Genius (GSG?), but I’m pretty sure experimental ooze doesn’t make turtles grow human-ish lips and noses. Never in the history of ever have the turtles looked so human and I so strongly disapprove. Splinter found a book and taught HIMSELF Ninjutsu in just a couple years. He is also well versed in ancient Japanese culture and spirituality.
What a load of Cowabunga CRAP!!
The fact that Miss O’Neal was in the lab, saved the turtles, left them in the street, and is now the first and only person that knows about them as teenage vigilantes is just way too coincidental to me. I frackin’ hate it, and that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
I thought I was DONE Transformers!
As far as the turtles talk goes, their voices aren’t ideal. However, like Moody said above, they should grow on you as the movie progresses. Donatello looks like a mutated version of Blankman, and has built a magical indestructible bow capable of flipping an SUV speeding down a mountain. Wait.. what? Michelangelo has all the best lines and Raph is just as bad-ass as he’s always been. Leonardo (voiced by Bad Grandpa himself, Johnny Knoxville) was cool too, I guess.
Trust that the Deacon E is trying his best to understand and accept Shredder wearing robotic armor, so I’ll let that slide for now.
It really bothers me that the turtles are 100% CGI. Although– they are VERY well done. The motion capture is on-point and the colors and textures of each turtle is top notch. If I was 5-years old, and this was my first introduction to a TMNT movie, I would be completely excited to watch it over and over. Unfortunately, I’m not 5, and I have a set of hard coded Ninja Turtle values and expectations that I demand be upheld for all eternity.
Keep your filthy big budget hands off of my blissful childhood hero memories.
2.5 Slices of Blatantly-Placed PIZZA HUT Cheese Pizza.
Paramount’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sewer skate their way to cinemas tomorrow, August 8th.
Michael Bay, director of Transformers: Age of Extinction, played with The Goddamn Wu’s mind.
Again.
Like Britney, I got lost in the game, hit from all of Bay’s stunning cinematography, classic high-budget action, and explosions (with the use of a new IMAX 3D Camera), and it’s certainly not a shock that this Baybuster is the first feature film to use this newfangled technology. In true Transformer tradition, as well, the film serves as a “marketing masterpiece” with its well-placed, fun product ads that caused much laughter in the theatre.
http://youtu.be/b8ES2R98Whg
The end result is a lot of action that will assault the eyes, ears, and body– without a lot of meaningful story. The opening sequence weakly connects the movie title and the incorporation of Dinobots that strays far from the original Dinobothology. After this, we’re abruptly introduced to Mark Wahlberg, as Cade Yeager and the Funky Bunch — a group of antique tech hunters and robot inventors who find and bring home an old beat up truck that resembles the classic “Battle Convoy”. Yup, that same hunk o’ metal that contains live missile rounds and multiple battle wounds.
Once they learn that their new purchase is really the alien Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen), the group of robotic Good Samaritans are hunted — along with the Transformers — by the CIA black ops team lead by Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammar) and, creator of Galvatron, Joshua (Stanley Tucci). Lest we don’t forget rogue bounty hunter Lockdown, whose mutual goal is to eradicate all Transformers on Earth as they enslave, break down, and harness the bots’ technology to create their own human-controlled Robots (not so much) in Disguise.
Akon’s favorite bot, we thinks.
Talk about “a lotta strands to keep…in old Duder’s head,” not to mention the slew of great characters created by writer Ehren Kruger that were sadly left static. Multiple themes were also touched on and never flushed out, chiefly due to Bay’s passion for ridiculously long action sequences; you know, those that literally make people shake their heads and check their phones. And despite the fun of the few pop-up appearances of everyone’s beloved Bumblebee (whose mere presence on screen caused a roar of applause and laughter) — and fun product placement ads, like Tucci drinking a box of soymilk from a sippy straw — it was difficult not to be bored with bits ‘n pieces throughout the course of the film.
Well, at least up until the film’s “Hell Yeah!” moment occurs and demands absolute attention ***minor Spoiler alert; it’s in the trailer***: Optimus Prime bitch slaps Grimlock, grabs his horns, and — in military fashion — essentially COMMANDS his remaining Autobots (Bumblebee, Hound, Drift, Crosshairs, and Brains) to follow him and…avenge.. their.. species! This inspiringly powerful scene, accompanied by Steve Jablonsky’s rousing music, is sure to make true Transformer fans goddamn weep as they witness true leadership and badassery in action. This scene also made the time that The Wu waited outside for admission, wading through a sea of bratty children and screaming babies, and dealing with the seemingly never-ending battle scenes all the hell worth it.
Come on, ride the train. Hey, ride it!
It was this display of Prime’s great leadership that caused an entire generation to be so traumatized at his graphic death and deterioration in 1986’s The Transformers: The Movie. So, is it worth fanbots having to suck up the lack of story and heart and spend the green to see a glimpse of Optimus Prime get his ‘pimp’ on, make Grimlock his bitch, and watch him crush his enemies and see them driven before him?
“Uh-huh. Feel it! Feel it!”
Just remember, this film is so typically Bay, so don’t expect to struggle over the meaning of Rosebud. Expect, rather, to become diabetic from all of the eye candy, some nice performances (despite an underdeveloped script), shameless marketing ploys — some of which specifically targeted at the large Asian demo — and lengthy, explosive action sequences that will make your head reel. It’s a frackin’ robot movie, goddamit! Enjoy yourselves!
3.25 (out of 5) Dinobots.
[Special thanks to Paramount Pictures for giving military families a full sneak preview at the NAS Oceana Aerotheater. It means a lot that you support us and allowed us to see Optimus Prime (whose courage, honor, integrity, and leadership are inspirations to us all) in action.]
Transformers: Age of Extinction trumps theaters nationwide this Friday, June 27.
Hey all you bare-knuckle comic book brawlers! It’s about to be another epic bout of Fistful of Comics here in the ring at the Congregation of Cool. We bring more prizefighting, no-holds-barred, bare-knuckle reviews of this weeks new releases. So, if any of you weak-chinned motherf***ers didn’t throw down your gloves at your local comics shop this week, don’t sweat it. I, Father Joe, am here for some pre-fight sparring.
C’mon, let’s work your hooks and uppercuts, southpaws, IT’S F.O.C.! —
Braveheart of comics, Mark Millar (The Authority, Superman: Red Son), writer, and the Leicester Lineman, Duncan Fegredo (Enigma, Hellboy: Darkness Calls), artist —
Damn, McConaughey is everywhere!
This series debut is yet another hollow point bullet in Millar’s comics chamber, and, along with artist, Fegredo, he’s given life to another perfect Millerverse anti-superhero, who’s obis all contemporary slacker archetype-meets-classic comic trope.
Pair that with a twist of post-modern fate to challenge the threshold of an asshole’s reluctance.
In MPH, the hero in question is Roscoe, a low-life with high hopes, who, by issue’s end, becomes sort of like The uber-Flash, but for the MTV Cribs generation.
After he falls prey to a deal that reeked of the FBI sting operation it turned out to be, mid-level bagman Roscoe get sentenced to fifteen years’ maximum hard time. Too much of a “yes-man” to turn evidence on his kingpin boss, he’s still desperate for a shortened sentence a la good behavior. So he commits himself to the vision board he’d been working on before so foolishly getting arrested for cocaine, and to his hottie girlfriend, Rosa. But then, when one of his boys on the outside reveals that the boss set him up just for a shot with Rosa, Roscoe goes all “f***s all” on good behavior and, after a stint in solitary after a cafeteria beat down, partakes in goodies from the cell block’s “Candy Store” —
If there were ever an episode of X-Files on The Flash…
What he gets from the Candyman is a mysterious pill labeled MPH, a pill we first caught a glimpse of in the issue’s intro, which had taken place twenty-some years earlier.
After a violent seizure, Roscoe comes to consciousness possessed of super speed.
But describing Roscoe’s newfound power as “super” is like referring to the Rolling Stones as a “garage band.” Because, the fact is, after a dose of MPH, Roscoe lives in speed, existing in a world where velocity and time collide together, and everything around him literally grinding to a pace so imperceptible, it all just seems to stop.
Now, what I’ve always hated about Millar is that he’s so blunt. Dude writes with all the grace of a cinderblock. In a tutu. But then again, what I’ve always loved about Millar is that he’s so goddamned blunt. Dude writes with — I’ll say it again — all the grace of a cinderblock. But, f*** the tutu, this time the cinderblock is GETTING SHOT OUT OF A BAZOOKA.
MPH is no different, and I have to say, it is also aptly titled for a Millar property. From panel one to panel end, the motor on this baby heaves high-octane. The story greatly benefits from co-creator Fegredo’s art. It’s full of colorful and contemporary pizzazz, frozen in a timeless block layout that helps to reflect what will surely be any reader’s head-on collision with it.
Bottom line: MPH is kinetically spectacular fanboy fare wrapped up in the gritty currency of a Curtis Hanson movie… If you don’t want to pick it up, just think The Avengers-meets-8 Mile and you’ll have the general idea.
Yeah. I bet you want to pick it up now.
As a final note, given its potential cinematic heft, it’s no wonder MPH had already been optioned by Lorenzo di Bonaventura for cinema before it even hit the shelves.
Another CES has passed, as your faithful Nerd Apostle was able to get his hands on all the great gadgets and witness first hand all the epic moments of the week. First let’s begin with: Hi, my names Lance Paul and I am tech-aholic!
10.) Oculus Rift.
Out of all the new toys being shown at CES, the Oculus Rift was the coolest new nerd-gastic tech I wanted to get my hands on. Oculus is the leading edge in virtual reality 3D headsets, with a new Crystal Cove prototype simply unbelievable in its head-tracking. You can effortlessly lean in and out and look at objects from multiple angles. For example, I was able to lean forward and look around a wall. Just think of where the future is going to take this! Oculus has also been able to nearly fix all the immersion-quashing latency issues or lag time.
The Crystal Cove had me saying “gigidy” the whole time, wide-eyed, thinking of all the possibilities! The headset is bound to change the future of gaming and so much more.
These kids.. these FREAKIN’ kids.. keep telling me what a Turtle Ninja is. They’re damn aliens, I tell you! ALIENS!!!
9.) Tough week for Hollywood Transformers.
Like everything Michael Bay, tactful is not one of his specialties. If not too busy ruining our childhood franchises — TMNT or Transformers — the Pain & Gain director is making a fool of himself on stage for Samsung. Bay was at the opening night of CES promoting the new Samsung 105-inch curved 4K TV, when his teleprompter skipped a beat. Unfortunately, improvisation isin’t one of his strong suits. Poor Mr. Bay then decided to quit half way through and walk offstage with his head lower than when Minister Moody found out the newest Shredder is now a white guy!
