BLOODSHOT [Review]: Valiant Diesel.

Jason “Bad Preacher” Bud
@PreacherAMC

Valiant (Comics) Entertainment makes its virgin voyage into the perpetually-expansive behemoth that we will collectively call the cinematic comicverse, with a Vin Diesel-starring vehicle, entitled: Bloodshot, based upon the nanite-blooded, supersoldiering “hero” of the same name.

Ray Garrison is a previously-murdered Special Forces field operative who’s recently been “resuscitated” by one Dr. Emil Harting (Guy Pearce), a scientist and “visionary” heading the fictitious biotech armaments firm, Project Rising Spirit (P.R.S.) – a covert military contractor to the Pentagon…

Courtesy of P.R.S., Bloodshot’s newly-retrofitted circulatory system is pressure-pumped full of a silicone-based blood replacement solution that contains trillions of beneficial, surgical-grade nanorobotic components.

Here, Garrison now packs: enhanced human strength/agility, instantaneous, bio-molecular regeneration capabilities, body shape/mass metamorphosis properties, and seamless interfacing functionality with globalized digital/satellite technology, that allows for cross-triangulated combat strategies/engagement.

You realize this isn’t social distancing, right?

Even with Big Blood’s recent cybernetic enhancements, it seems as though his old user’s history manual is being sold separately, for now…or is it, really? Do your old memories really just “die” with the old you, or do those memories just have recessive muscles that eventually flex to life later on?

Bloodshot’s overall premise jackknifes the throttle a bit, as it basically consists of an amalgamation of familiar visual tropes and plot devices lifted from other successful films over the past 5-15+ years, including: No Country For Old Men, Total Recall, Edge of Tomorrow, and Blade Runner 2049, amongst others; and perhaps we’ve all probably seen these films on the pay, watch, and repeat cycle too many times at this point…

Call me Mr. Freeze one more time!

Despite these cinematic malefactions, viewers will champion director David F.S. Wilson’s deft utilization of Sam Peckinpah-inspired slow-motion action scene editing.

Some of his scenes even marrow-dip knuckles-deep in the super-saturated colors of cocaine, blood, and midnight. These viscerally-engaging cuts also show Vin Diesel’s nano-blood-flow as it techno-rivets his bullet-shredded facial flesh back into his hyper-fractured skullplate.

Where Bloodshot really bullets the bitemark and obliterates the bulls-eye-view is with the performances by two of its A-List-rising co-stars. Eiza Gonzalez as Katie/KT – a lethal assassin with an underlying moral code, still capable of exuding vulnerability, and possessed of such otherworldly presence one could watch her for hours on end reading a phonebook backwards in sign language

Arguably even better is Lamorne Morris as Wilfred Wigans – a fire-spitting, razor-witted computer-coding prodigy who delivers dead-on comedic timing with such a convincing English accent, that my best mate from London couldn’t even tell he was actually an American.

So happy you didn’t put it in your contract to bang me, too.

Even though Bloodshot is ultimately a superhero retread, an Edge-of-Tomorrow-Lite in a pull tab aluminum can without any aliens, and most of us don’t really go to Vin Diesel movies to experience his inner-thespian-inducing sensibilities, it still elicits moments of aesthetic inebriation, delivering some engaging retinal splatter while jumping comic book gutter-space into your headroom. 3.25/5 Blodclots in My Silicone Jamwich.

-Jason Bud

GHG Presents… THE WILD BRUNCH [Podcast, S01E02]: Chekhov’s Sledgehammer.

Listen up, Internet — it’s Episode 2 of THE WILD BRUNCH. Say what? You missed our hit debut, when the likes of frosted flake-crusted-french-toast met the one Chappie? My western omelette could only take so much…

But here’s your second chance. It’s two dudes — two really neat dudes — talking about movies. You’d be at a loss not to join “The Vicar” ALEX GRADET and “Father” JOE TOWER this time, as we reflect on the mega-smash Furious 7.

Oh, there’s actually a lot more to analyze here than than fast cars and fast women. And fast rapping celebrities and GROOOOOOOOOT…

WildBrunch7

Here’s the idea: once a month or so, we (that’s Alex Gradet and Joe Tower) will go see a movie, then go out to brunch afterward, and talk about it. Their conversations will be discursive, meandering rambles that we’ll then edit down to a tight 30-minutes of your time. (This one’s 50+, but it’s only our second ep — we’ve got some setting up to do).

Got any thoughts on Furious 7, or our show? Feel free to drop us a line @wildbrunchpod and give us hell for not agreeing with your adrenaline-loving behind that #FF7 is the best of the bunch.

Hey– that reminds me: Enjoy your brunch!

https://soundcloud.com/travis-moody-2/ghg-presents-the-wild-brunch-s01e02-1

If the above SoundCloud application isn’t working for ya, feel free to stream/download the cast through mediafire.

We’ll catch you next time, for AGE OF ULTRON!

"2 dope boys in a... Hatchbaaaaack."
“2 dope boys in a… Hatchbaaaaack.”

GUARDIANS of the GALAXY [Review]: One ‘Marvel’ous Gem.

Even with all of The Avengers’ apparent prosperity of terrifying Ultrons, Hulk-busting Armors, and.. ahem.. Elizabeth Olsen, the Guardians of the Galaxy are the superheroes who currently own our geek-bleeding hearts.

Can you ever imagine anyone making that statement, cinematically?

Thankfully, I re-started my collection of comics around the time of Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning’s reboot of Marvel’s once-famed Cosmic Era (Annihilation: Conquest, War/Realm of Kings): The dawn of the rise of the everyone’s new favorite “A-holes”…

Favorite, because director/writer James Gunn and co-writer Nicole Perlman type up the most faithful, briskly paced Marvel comic adaptation to date. But rather than merely reflect an assortment of pretty panels to the ‘play, Guardians of the Galaxy opens new doors to the Universe — literally — and allows for a mega space-opera crossover by the time your grandkids are old enough to print out passes from Fandango.

Whether that crossover is Avengers or Star.. Wars, has yet to be determined.

GOTG is a fun, chuckle-out-loud, frantic thrill ride for sci-fi comic geeks, movie nerds (Gunn, in addition to Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Dirty Dozen and Back to the Future, you’ve got to be a huge Space Balls, Galaxy Quest and Starship Troopers fanboy, right?), and just about anyone else who can’t wait another couple years for Mark Hamill to smear off his animated Joker lipstick and turn into Darth Vader 2-point-0ld.

Moody doesn't mention me. DIE!
GHG doesn’t mention me… DIE!

It’s also no coincidence that this new franchise arrived shortly after Disney added lightsabers to its already glimmering collection of Stan Lee & Jack Kirby’s characters under their own pair of big round ears. The colorful chemistry between Chris Pratt‘s Peter “Star-Lord” Quill and Han Solo (both “legendary” ladykillers), Zoe Saldana‘s Gamora and Leia Organa (take no shit sexiness), WWE wrestler Batista‘s Drax and C-3PO (utter, deadpanned confusion), Vin Diesel‘s Groot and Chewbacca (I am gRrrrr-ghghghg!!!), and Bradley Cooper‘s Rocket and.. R2D2 (think about it!) are of no coincidence (of course we’d all love to say Nathan Fillion’s Quaser is this film’s Luke; but, sadly, that never comes to fruition), yet all play within the realm of the Marvel Universe.

Yet while Guardians offers plenty of mockery, mimicry and satire, much of it is a doing such unto themselves; these Losers come straight from the pages of some of the finest comics you all need to read. In fact, the only artistic liberty Gunn took with Marvel’s most unheralded heroes is in making them more awesome.

GOTG might just be the most visually stunning and funniest Marvel movie to date, too. A pretty bold statement, considering the insane spectacle of a Helicarrier War that was Cap’s Winter Soldier and the ‘heim-lich hilarity of Thor’s Dark World; but the film captures all the impudent innocence of 70s/80s walkmen pop and b-grade gagathons, with an assortment of spectacular CGI landscapes that could only resemble a next-gen Mass Effect. Just wait ’til you see when Ronan (The Hobbit‘s Lee Pace, at his damnedest to “villainize” the oft-hero Kree Accuser) is faced with an eye-gouging swarm of Nova Corps.

There's only room for one Ego in this galaxy! DIE!
There’s only room for one Ego in this GHGalaxy! DIE!

If you care about plot any — and I guess you should — you know just about every movie within the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) revolves around some sort of valuable artifact that leads to an even more rare/scarier artifact that has a most significant meaning toward the end of all existence. Aether. Tesseract. This.. orb thingamajig. Of course with all of this Infinity Gem talk, Josh Brolin dutifully makes his plentiful purple presence known to the Merry Marching Society. He’s ginormous. He’s scary. He’s menacing.

Thanos is so fucking perfect, it hurts.

Many of the film’s other villains are just as colorful, and quite accurate to the source material this side of alien asshole Yondu. Michael Rooker certainly hams it up like only he can, but the performance is not all that different than Walking Dead‘s Merle or even Gunn’s own Slithery Grant Grant. He looks like the guy who grandfathered young Pete in and around outer-space, although has somewhat of a different story going here. But hey, even if all of this sci-fientific mumbo-jumbo isn’t your cup of excelsior anyway, Pratt (Zero Dark Thirty) guides Quill’s adventure with enough charm, effortless swagger and well-timed buffoonery to have us all (g)rooting for him…

DIE! DIE! DIE! (Uh-huh, ya, well yeah.. i'm hungry)
G – DIE! H – DIE! G – DIE!

GOTG sets its own stage with some critical scenes of Quill’s Earth life and the legacy he has to carry. When our hero intends on carrying out his undying domestic revenge, it’s not the Badoon who feel the wrath of Star-Lord; no, it’s a race that, without spoiling too much, makes the case for a Planet Hulk movie that much likelier. And, at the very least, trust that Star-Lord meeting Tony Stark for the first time will be nothing less than a momentous occasion.

For Coop’s Rocket, nearly every scene is a momentous occasion. It’s still hard to imagine how anyone pulled this shit off, and — despite the fact there are some folks out there who’d prefer a more British tone to cinematic Rocket’s New York City dialect — there’s no question as to which one of these bounty hunting ass-assins steals the show.

There’s even a moment of heartened poignancy when Rocket dishes out all the disaster of his mechanically tampered origins to his new teammates, and the superfun hypocrisy of the raccoon’s machine-gun murderous rampages that come in between his sweet and tender bromancia with Groot.

But no worries, Rocket. If Rotten Tomatoes and Comic-Con are any indication, we’re all hooked on a feeling now.

4.25 (out of 5) Infinity Gems.
4.25 (out of 5) Infinity Gems.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy in theaters nationwide this Friday, August 1st.