It’s been one hell of a summer for movies, especially that of the big-action/superhero/spy variety. I’d even argue that the seasonal line-up, (whether you loved ’em or despised ’em) from the mind-blowing Mad Max to the earth-shattering San Andreas to the bombastic Jurassic World to the sleek Terminator Genisys to the couragerous capering Ant-Man to the jaw-dropping Rogue Nation to the cool of The Man from U.N.C.L.E., will go down as one of the very best the geek genre has ever seen.
I’d also love to tell you all that Hitman: Agent 47 — a reimagining of the 2007 Hitman flick that starred Justified‘s Timothy Olyphant — ends the sun-blistering season with a bang. It doesn’t.
That’s not to say that all is wrong beneath Polish music video director Aleksander Bach‘s standard murder dressing of black bullet-timed suit, white witty quipped shirt, and red blood-stained necktie. A few moments in Agent 47 had the usually stiff mainstream media audience in chuckles–perhaps more for the outrageousness of it all, but nonetheless.
One man who actually keeps it straight and cold is Rupert Friend. His casting as Agent 47 makes total sense after watching his no-nonsense, yet likeable CIA-op Peter Quinn on one of TV’s finest dramas, Homeland. Hell, I even likened the show to Splinter Cell, another video game known more for its stealth and sneering political flague than the high-octane warzone that is Call of Duty. With that, it’s no surprise that the best scenes in Hitman feature stealth sequences, which showcase Friend’s mightily impressive hand-to-hand combat and his shadowy tutoring of vicious judo techniques to the, otherwise graituously-used, daughter behind the mind of the Agent program, Katia (Hannah Ware).
Friend does an admirable job staying within that unmercifully kind and cold contract-killing chrome dome beyond Bach’s all-too video gamey stylings. While I wished there was more stealth sequences that make the video game cool, I could run through all the genre “checks”–but I’ll save you the suspense.
What separates 47 from the previous (most likely now-dead) 46 Agents is that this Hitman aims to prevent a new and improved program, run by some shitty whitesuit named Le Clerq (Thomas Kretschmann) who runs an organization with an even shittier, stolen-from-MI name (Syndicate, really?), that would all the likely end him and his high cash-earning hits.
Stupid plot, but that’s a given. Here’s to betting the video game of the same name that drops in December has a much better story. More unfortunately for Hitman, is that this summer has already witnessed a vast array of amazing action sequences (note the 7 aforementioned flicks in the opening paragraph). No matter how stylistically cool Bach’s shots appear, or just how hip and sleek the set dressing is — Sebastian Krawinkel’s production design is arguably the most impressive element to Agent 47 — there’s nothing here of note that will leave even the most diehard Hitman gamers impressed. My bad.
Oh, yeah! Almost forgot. Zachary Quinto (Star Trek, American Horror Story) is in the movie, but only to sell tickets. No, he doesn’t play an usher; but if you told me he was, then he’d actually have more of a role than what’s required here. His usual snarl and charismatic charm requires a much bigger place in a b-movie actioneer than “John Smith: Henchman”–don’t you think?
But hey, if you’re looking to buy a new Audi, this might just be the film for you.
20th Century Fox’s Hitman sneaks into theaters this Friday, August 21.