E3 ’14 [Full Parish Preview]: We Bringin’ Down Tha House!

“THE CHRISTIAN” SEUFERT @chrisseufert91 







1.) The Last Guardian – Let’s face it: Seeing Team ICO’s unearthly follow-up to Shadow of the Colossus on next-gen would be sinfully delightful. I know nothing’s been announced, but there are rumors swirling that Sony is ready to drop a few bombs at their press conference — and I wouldn’t be surprised if this was one of them.

2.) The Legend of Zelda: Shard of Nightmare – Simply because…I want a real reason other than Mario Kart 8 to buy a Wii U.

3.) Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel – What other game would cause me to skip sleeping for days at a time to own the most badass loot ever? Also, here’s to wishing you all luck in NOT getting kicked out of E3 like I did last time; they take using a booth babe’s pass as your own VERY SERIOUSLY over there!








1.) Batman: Arkham Knight – Maybe I’ve been under a rock for the past few months, but I haven’t heard much excitement about any new games from the big three game systems. Lots of shooters (yawn) and some sports games (double yawn), but nothing actually exciting. So Excuse me as I fanboy over three franchises that have NEVER let me down. Like any self respecting Bat-fan, I’m genuinely looking forward to this release. With new Batmobile controls, an insanely mysterious new villain, and the return of the best part of the original game: those terrifyingly awesome Scarecrow nightmare segments, this newest installment looks absolutely fantastic. (Plus getting to play as my favorite clown girl Harley Quinn ‘aint a bad perk either!)

2.) Super Smash Bros. – For me, high school — and the first years of college — were spent largely having a bunch of my buddies over watching Mario beat the shit out of Peach in Super Smash Bros. So, needless to say, I absolutely cannot wait for the new SSBU to come out. Nostalgia notwithstanding. They already have a huge following, and some awesome new fighters, so Nintendo, you have my money. Hell, Christian, it’s the only reason I bought the damn Wii U. Too.

3.) The Legend of Zelda: Shard of Nightmare – There’s been a lot of rumors about this new title, and I’m really REALLY hoping this turns out to be legit, because to my delight, over the past few years Zelda games have been getting darker, and darker. And with a title like “Shard of Nightmare,” I’m sold! If the leaked title screen image is real, I think we may have the best Link adventure since Twilight Princess (which for a title like THAT, was also pretty badass).








1.) The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt – This is going to be an absolutely magnificent RPG action/adventure. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s been delayed — yet I couldn’t wait for anything more than what surprises lay ahead of Garrett in this unthinkably vast, new open world.

2.) Dying Light – Awe yeah, buddy! Zombies, zombies and more zombies. What more can I say… (besides this being another pushed-back effort…) oh yeah!!! ZOMBIES!!!

3.) Evolve – What’s more fun than hunting a giant monster? Hunting giant monsters with three of your friends and a side of tequila– that’s what! 2K’s Evolve is going to be an epic multiplayer adventure that could end up pleasing everyone. (Tequila not included.)

(Flip the page for more E3 parish picks!